I don't get the point of those types of replies either. I'd say 9 times out of 10, they're not interested and just responding to be polite and once in awhile, they might be interested, but just clueless on how to properly hold a conversation.

I think any response indicates some interest...this sort of response is always confusing, and I've had them go both ways. I also think it's a little early to give out your number here.

I typically give a girl my number in my second message to her if she seemed enthusiastic in her reply, or my third message if she seemed more cautious.

So I would just reply to her with some other clever remark and related question, and then suggest meeting up (with your #) in the subsequent (3rd) message however she responds.

Usually no. It's a polite way of saying they're not interested. You can expect this no matter how great your profile and messages are. If it happens a lot though you might want to change up one of those things.

I'm talking to her now, and it sort of ended up working out. I followed-up saying I went to school around ______ as well (which is across the country), and she responded instantly with commentary and a question. Guess this is just how some women chat on these sites? FWIW, both are younger than the women I usually go for (I'm 25, they're 21), so this might be a factor in their response style.

On that note, I think 21 might be a bit young for me, but I feel sort of chill about it; like I'd def have reservations trying to chat up a 21 y.o. IRL, but I don't feel too pathetic about doing it online, which seems kind of funny, the opposite of what you'd expect.

I'm a new name in this thread but I've read most of the recent stuff. Without sounding cocky, I do really well with online dating. At the end of the day it's a numbers game, especially when it comes to messaging girls. For the guys asking about the conversation stoppers...the vast majority of the time that's what they're trying to do (stop the conversation). They could just not respond and have the same effect but women aren't known for being the most rational people in the world.

As for what sort of message to write...it depends on the girl. If a girl has taken a long time to write a genuinely thorough and informative profile, a copy and paste message where you just fill in some blanks usually wont work. As much as there are tips for guys on 'easy' messages to write girls, you have to remember that they either talk about it or have gotten the same formulaic message 20 times that minute.

I'll start replying in this thread as I think people make some really fundamental errors.

Also, d10 has it right in his post.

umm...why??

Dunno, seems like a significant gap - not agewise necessarily, but just where people are in their lives in their early vs. mid/later 20s.

Yeah, I think this guy nailed it:

Unless she explicitly said she never sleeps with a guy on the 2nd date, it sounds more like she didn't want to sleep with a guy on this 2nd date, because it was so weird and made her uncomfortable and didn't put her in the mood whatsoever. You have to put in work and develop attraction with someone, you can't just have two crappy dates and be like "LOL what a prude if she didn't want to sleep with me that fast".

this is the wrong attitude imo. Regardless of where it ends up going, one of the reasons guys go for younger girls is that........a lot of girls like older guys. You're shutting off a huge and potentially very worthwhile demographic here.

I've had some success online, and I have to say this.

Responses like these singlehandedly ruin online dating. You think you have nothing to lose but the reality is you will ruin online dating for this one girl.

It really only takes one or two messages of "take my c@#$ you bi#$@!!" before the girl feels forever alienated, and will likely try other avenues or just totally cherry pick the best of the best (aka not go out with you).

But its more than that. On a personal level, its about not dipping to that level and being a genuinely interested and interesting person... dating material. Call it a meta- long term decision whatever. Because poker people unfortunately have the skillset to rationalize doing something hail mary dumb and creepy like this...

Just the act alone of typing and sending a message like this reinforces a negative an undesirable part of your personality. And it will ultimately shine through. Without a doubt, honesty and being genuine are the 2nd most important parts of online dating. Physical attraction and masculinity being the first of course.

In general my advice for dating is just to become dating material. People get caught up on what to say or what to do but they don't realize that they are just some flabby boring unmotivated loser trying to cheat their way into being an attractive/interesting person. The dating world is actually pretty set in stone. Hot girls only date good looking/interesting/successful driven people. Very very rare for an actual hot girl (8+) to be slumming because she simply has had so many offers in her lifetime (especially online) and can easily tell the ones that are losers.

It's not easy becoming a better person... but until then, stop acting like a douche bag online and messaging her to **** just to creep her out... its ruining it for the rest of the world. Thanks.

lazer: yeah, I'm noticing that online for sure. I guess it's never really come up IRL, because I've always socialized with people my age. This might partially explain my low response rate - a significant % of the women I've been messaging were 25-31.

Haven't responded to this one yet, and I'm still kind of stuck. Not getting my hopes up, but she's def the most attractive girl to have responded or visited. She "replies very selectively", so it's not nothing. More inclined to go with Nick's advice now and hold off the number for the 3rd exchange.

Nick, you take a look at my clinical pathologist with the Ph.D? You might want to move out to L.A. for a chance with her.

To be fair, knivesout is gay, so I don't see a line like that being as devastating to its receiver as you say it would sent to a straight girl.

I'm not sure if this was a question or statement, but 100% of the time we have actually gotten together, yes she has texted me her number after I gave her my number. I think once she didn't and she flaked on me so she obviously wasn't interested. A couple times she has given me her number without me asking.

Yeah I wouldn't do that to a girl. Although I'm not regretting deleting my profile, and I think that scaring someone off of online dating might actually be doing them a favor.

Thanks for the feedback guys. I'm pretty sure I'll never be contacting this girl again. Once the heightened uncomfortable vibe / awkwardness subsided somewhat and she opened up a bit I had already given up and exercised the nuclear option by going into detail about my ex wife / marriage, etc. to entertain myself and kill time. I was pretty annoyed that she let feeling uncomfortable derail most of the date and, assuming it stemmed from a concern that I might force physical advances on her, didn't end it when I suggested she do so.

My general read when she agreed to grabbing a pizza, snap-called my offer to drive, and failed to step into half the check (which she offered on the 1st date) was that she was going to get dinner out of this for her troubles. Were I interested in pursuing her, the aforementioned, the ensuing lecture on the inappropriateness of 2nd dates at my place and how in the future I should avoid doing so, and her logging into her online dating account within an hour of departing my place is all I need to know that it's not going happen. Not to mention that she defined our first date as "bad" lol wtf?

I'm a pretty strange guy, this girl even told me she thinks I'm weird, but women in their early-to-mid thirties who want kids can be ****ing nuts!

One of my best friends finally gave a chance after he messaged her for the third time on OKC, finally just saying "hey, let's just **** and have something casual". First two messages he wrote thoughtful stuff relevant to her profile, looking to date her on the reg. 8 months later, they live together and she has a promise ring on her finger.

Sending a second consecutive message is hit or miss- normally it's a fairly desperate move but I've gotten success with it sometimes using a playful remark like "I'm sure I got buried under 500 messages from shirtless dudes doing the duckface...either way let's pick the conversation back up" or whatever, based on what you'd written before. It often wont work , but the key is it's online dating---move on to the next one.

ATF,

You actually read negative things into her not asking you if you wanted some money on a second date for takeout pizza you were taking back to your place? You're in your thirties right? You think she was scheming to get some free papa johns? WTF

Yeah, all of this. Plus the fact that she logged into her account is so totally meaningless it almost doesn't even require discussing.

Thread keeps delivering. Don't stop now, guys!

"Negative things" is to strong a description. I was fine with it; at the very least I owed her some food for making the drive down and dealing with the bait and switch. That said, on date number one she came off much different which just added to the WTF vibe for me on date two. To be honest, it seemed like I was hanging out with an entirely different person. Hell she even looked different; curly instead of straight hair, glasses instead of contacts... but I do realize women will do this from time to time.

Normally I would agree but between the first date and the second she didn't log in at all. So I think there's definitely something to read into there.

I don't want to be an ******* but that kind of logic is exactly what most people make fun of women for. Essentially you're implying that after the first date she was smitten and didn't see the need for online dating anymore, and after the second date she was jaded and thus ready to jump back into the online world. Don't give yourself too much credit. She's probably going out on a bunch of different dates.......as should you.

Maybe I'll text biting girl with something apologetic just to see if / how she responds. Really, I could give a **** is this experience is more about getting my dating legs underneath me than finding a steady date. I've got something in the works for mid-week / weekend with a new online girl so I'm not distraught over blowing it with the last one.

Don't apologize ever, for anything.