OKC made me a moderator. All that means is I can see things/photos that people reported and vote on whether it's ok or should be deleted. People report the dumbest things. People will report you if you post a picture of your dog because it's not you in the photo. I would say less than 5% of the photos I reviewed were obscene.

Earlier someone was complaining that a fairly attractive (7/10) new female profile on these sites would receive 50 new messages the first day, but that's probably just for brand new profiles and not a common thing. I did a search for Redondo Beach area in LA and it was pretty surprising some of the profiles on OKC that said "No one's contacted her this week". None of them were knockouts, but there were a couple 5s and a 6 and they were all online in the last week, so definitely not dead profiles.

So I don't think it's true that any decent looking girl is being inundated with messages on this site, and as someone mentioned, on POF if a girl filters out guys who have messaged another user looking for sex, then the # of messages received falls drastically. Obviously a lot of guys are just spamming any attractive girl with terrible messages like "sup baby" or "ur hot".

I would say a guy with a solid profile and putting in a decent effort at witty, interesting messages should be attracting girls 1-2 points higher than he is. (i.e. the guy is a 6 based purely on looks and should be attracting a lot of 7s and the occasional 8)

no.

This.

I just don't get online dating. If you are good looking shouldn't you be killing it and not need online dating? if you aren't good looking isn't your picture going to give that away and girls won't be interested in going out with you? Who the hell is getting together? I guess lazy good looking guys can get easy lays out of this. Ugly, fat, short, bald, boring guys still won't get any action from girls unless they target really ugly girls.

This seems depressing to me. Do ugly, fat, short, bald, boring guys really think they can go on these sites and start hooking up with the better looking girls that get 50-100 messages a day from guys of all kind?

Isn't this a giant looks contest? Do girls really care about a few words of text where you may have a few things in common? Wouldn't they side with the better looking guy over the heavyset guy that enjoys going to the art museum like her?

Like a 6 might be able to pull the occasional 8 in real life, where personality really shows, but not online. Hot girls get soooo many messages, they're just not going to generally put enough stock in how witty a profile/message is to overshadow the looks. I mean I'm a guy, but I don't bother to read most of the emails I get once I checkout their pictures (yes I'm an ass).

My ex went on match and just got flooded with messages/winks/etc, and she joined at the same time as her roommate, who is an awesome girl, but pretty plain looking. Not fat, not ugly, just nothing special. Her roommate got almost no messages in the same time (I'm talking hundreds vs like 2-3). My ex is cute but not a stunner, but pretty attractive for the sites.

8s online are like 9's+ in real life, they just get treated differently.

To take this a step further what girls are actually doing this? If you are attractive and normal can't you easily find a boyfriend? If you are 30 and on this site what is it saying to you as a woman? Can't we do the math? Name smoking hot, intelligent, 30-32 girls that are single and can't find a date. Then factor in that a few of these sites mentioned are FREE and just think of the type of people that they attract.

How could you put yourself through this mindfield?

Who says they can't find a date? This simply opens the pool more for them.

I don't think it's too difficult to find a boyfriend if you are an attractive girl. Maybe they are being selective but think about this. OKCupid. PlentyofFish. What are they really going to find on these sites. Is the male clientele that much better than what you can see in person at a bar, at a party, at a club, at work, etc.?

I'm not saying on a particular weekend. I'm talking over the course of a year or two if you are an attractive girl and can't find a boyfriend you aren't attractive.

If you are reaching 30 and going to online dating would you expect the girl to be worth dating? She is either fat, ugly, or has mental issues.

lol @ mental issues

That's pretty much all women bro

The problem I've found with the online dating pool is that a lot of the girls are just not that fun. You see a lot of girls in the medical field, or are really slammed with work, and don't get out and do as much. This is a gross generalization of course, but at least part of the reason I haven't been excited with too many people I've met.

The only people I've really been interested in dating since I've been online have been people that just joined, or just moved to the city. Hot/fun girls will often quickly get weeded out by all the creepy guys and just go back to what they were doing.

Tommy,

"Name smoking hot, intelligent, 30-32 girls that are single and can't find a date."

Reverse the scenario. Let's say you are a good looking dude who has no problem meeting women at parties, bars, social network, wherever, and generally can find dates when you want.

Even on a very social week, how many new quality girls are you going to actually end up meeting and talking with?

OK, now imagine a site existed where you could put up a couple of pictures and a little info about yourself, and 50 girls messaged you every day asking for dates. 40 of those you just instantly deleted because they aren't super hot. Now you are left w/ 10 hot girls contacting you every day. You then check out the profiles and 5 of them sound stupid/boring/whatever, so you get rid of them. Out of the remaining 5, you pick the hottest and tell her you'll go on a date with her.

You don't think you'd use that service?

Attractive girls get a lot of "messages", but most of them are rubbish to the point where the guy might as well have not even sent it. I did the same experiment where I put up a female profile of a girl who was probably an 8, and while she did receive 20 messages in the first couple days and 40 over about 2 weeks (it was a pay site in a medium-sized city, so the # of messages were much lower than POF or OKC), I would say not 1 of them was even a good message. Half of them were not even a full sentence in length and the other half just reeked of creepy or socially awkward.

Almost all the girls I go on dates with mention that they've barely been on any other dates (for a lot of them I was their first date) even though they receive tons of messages. They usually say something like "your messages/profile were interesting" or "you seemed intelligent". Maybe I've just had a lot of positive variance and/or been in cities better suited towards males, but I don't really think it's that hard to separate yourself from the pack.

Yeah, this is a problem. The doctor I was out with last night had to be on call at 7am the next morning, and was working overnight both nights this weekend. I didn't like her that much anyway, but it annoyed me that someone would schedule a date under those circumstances.

N,

"are really slammed with work, and don't get out and do as much."

I would bet this is very true of online dating overall. Pretty much all of the attractive women I know who are very career-oriented and busy with work a lot are on online dating. Many of the attractive women I know who go out to bars/clubs/parties a lot aren't (though some of those are, just a much lower percentage).

In the age bracket I'm looking for, 26-31 year old women, it's common for a lot of them to be burnt out on the bar/club scene and maybe in a field where there aren't a lot of men, so it's common for a lot of girls, even the attractive ones, to not be going out on as many irl dates as you might think.

Diablo,

you don't think girls that are 30-32 and single are mostly single for a reason? There is a difference between 22, 26, 30, 35, 40 for girls. Once you cross 30 there is a certain generalization that is true about girls.

if you are single and in your 30s wouldn't you think there is a reason she isn't engaged, married, or has a serious boyfriend? I suppose there are cases where she was dumped a few months ago after a long relationship but that's rare.

I think online dating works to the benefit of socially awkward guys who are generally not willing to approach girls in real life. Also, online profiles give you a chance to present your best qualities immediately, so someone who is of average attractiveness but has a lot of other accomplishments might get a longer look.

Also Diablo...

say this girl has been hot throughout her 20s and single. Say she goes out once a week to a bar. If she's hot and single she'll get approached say 3 times that night. So she'll get approached 150ish times a year. Out of those 150 she likely will be approached by a boyfriend like material guy 30 out of the 150 as a low minimum. It's very easy to get a boyfriend if you do the math.

if she gets approached by 150 guys and can't find one to date and have a serious relationship with then she gets filed into the mental issues camp.

I just don't agree with this. If you are average attractiveness you'll likely get average attractiveness girls to go on dates with via online dating.

Why would a girl go out with a guy with average attractiveness if she is getting messages from guys with above average attractiveness?

I really think the online profile (if not completely douchey or awful) means next to nothing. It is all about the picture.

Agreed. I hate approaching, play online poker, and have changed cities a couple times, so my prospects of meeting women in real life would be pretty bleak. Online dating takes out all the aspects of dating that I hate, and then once I'm 1 on 1, I'm much more engaging.

It helps a ton that my profile highlights a lot of interests I have that are likely appealing to women (I've traveled a lot, taken a dance class, working on my yoga teaching cert.), so it's kinda like instant social proofing.

My impression is that girls actually do care about things other than attractiveness, once you pass a certain threshold for attractiveness.

I have definitely gone on dates with several women who were more attractive than I am. And many of the women I have been out with messaged me first, and specifically cited something in my profile as the reason.

Also, if you are average attractiveness but very socially awkward, you won't even get average girls to go out with you IRL. If you can get attention from average girls via online, this is a big victory.

Tommy,

You are completely missing the point. Desirable women are not on online dating because they can't find a date or boyfriend otherwise. See my post 2764. If you still don't get it, nevermind.

tommy trash


serious LOL at 1 out of 5 men being dateable in a bar setting



1 out of 5 women arent even dateable

LOL, Since when does be good looking guarantee success for a male in the live dating world. Not to sound cocky, but I'm good looking and have struggled.