CQ,

Not trolling. I do think some jmakin stuff is kind of amusing, but I don't joke about pooping related problems. Having to poop in random public restrooms would be terrifying to me. No man deserves to go through that. I am happy for j that his pooping has been under control recently. Even more terrifying than having to poop in public restrooms is being at risk to poop your pants. With j's condition, having the courage and confidence to let loose with monster farts in class is legit impressive.

I pooped my pants a few weeks ago.

But ElD, no sympathy for my food dislocation problems, I am hurt...

BTW - I liked that song too.

Tyler,

No, def straight up trolling you re: your grocery store incompetence.

Lol, El D, i used to feel the same way. You really just get used to it and it's probably one aspect of my life about which i complain the least. It does provide logistical problems from time to time, especially working on a boat. Immodium is my friend, but failing that, we call my episodes "code brown" at work and land the boat and let me take a quick ****. My worst nightmare is being on a long hike and having a flareup. I wanna do a 2 day hike this summer and i'm really nervous about it.

um

they don't have toilets on the boat?

J,

Alobar can give you tips on managing outdoor pooping emergencies.

Jmakin truly is a profile in courage

Well, at least I can find my way around social groups, so I always have that.

Tales of Shatting Ones Pants has always seemed like a solid thread idea.

After diapers but before incontinence, I'd guess people probably **** themselves about once decade on average and I bet there are some really Alobaresque gems out there.

can you explain this like you were talking to someone from a different country, cuz it sounds pretty cool, but I have no idea what you are talking about

I got one. I was driving with my uncle and he ripped a fart in the passenger's seat. He then calmly looked at me and asked the heated seats were on. I lost it. Yes...the heated seats were on and he didn't **** himself but it must have been close.

Looks like you lucked into being associated with a lot of cool people, Villian.

Basically, there is a scene in the upcoming episode of Broad City. My friend Abbi is listing people she wanted/wants to **** from high school. I am listed as one of those people.

if you watch the clip above you will see what I mean.

I have a friend who has an epic **** yourself story. Picture a very attractive outgoing girl in a super important college finals tests whos professor refused to let her leave and come back. She ****s herself and sits there and finishes the test. I just cant even fathom that scenerio

Villain: Is that your friend's band in the video? I thought they were pretty good.

Alobar: watch the two links and it'll make sense.

Alobar,

GTFO, that sounds like total urban legend!

Yeah, I've known those guys 25+ years. My uncle (from the above ****ting story) taught the keyboardist how to play piano when he was in middle school.

A good friend of mine from high school **** his pants in the middle of our school play. His telling of this tale is long and truly hilarious, but the gist of it is he had to perform for 20 minutes afterwards in front of essentially everyone he knew.

Lots of ****ty posts lately

I know this girl super well, theres is 0% chance shed make something like that up, so while I wasnt actually there, I completely believe it. but yeah, its pretty unbelievable in the sense of how does that possibly happen. Its kinda funny because if it was just some fat guy or something, the story is way less amazing. The fact that im sure she was super friendly with a bunch of people in that class and was someone at least every guy in there was aware she was in the class, just makes it mind blowing to me

I'm sure everyone had someone in their gym class **** themselves during the sit up test for the presidential fitness test, right?

Happened more then once in my ms/hs career. Most notably from a "special needs" student who just kept on trucking through his sit ups. The gym teacher was the one holding his feet.

Unemployed family member comes to visit, sees I have a job opening, says if you need help let them know. This is a very simple & easy job that people are lining up to work for minimum wage.

I call a couple of days after he leaves offering him a job and ask how much he'd need to make. I'm paying cash under the table. He wants $20/hr cash. I do my best not to laugh into the phone and say the very best I could do would be $12. He says he'll think about it.

He texts the next day asking if I can do any better. I text back no, that it's really a minimum wage job and that $20/hr is over 40k in cash annually or in the neighborhood of a 60-70k real job.

I get a text back "That's just a starting point in salary negotiations -- as with all prospective job opportunities I consider."

What's my play? I really want to text back and tell him no one is ever going to take him seriously if he's asking employers for double or triple what a job is worth. My plan is to simply try to forget it ever happened.

"Sorry then, the most I can do is $12. Good luck with the job search"

Then hope he doesn't report you to the IRS.