I live in Chicago, and am planning on moving to a new apartment about a mile away from my current location on July 1st. I have two roommates, one of which is living with me again (Friend 1), and the other who is moving to a location about a block away from our new place (Friend 2).

Friend 1 is very adamant about hiring movers. He has a lot of crap, and some expensive stuff, and doesn't want to bother/ deal with moving any of his stuff himself. Friend 2 is indifferent, but wouldn't mind moving all his stuff as long as the total cost to him isn't exorbitant.

I am in the same boat as Friend 2, except my price point is a bit lower. The reason for that is that I really have very little stuff that requires a lot of help to move (2 couches and 1 bed). The rest is easy enough for me to just pack up and take along in boxes, etc. I obviously communicated all this to both, and everyone understands that if the overall price is low enough, I will join them with the movers, otherwise not.

If I choose not to use the movers, I would likely get a Uhaul and drag the couches and bed to my new place, and then use a car to get the rest of the smaller boxes, etc. over.

Friend 1, who I think is worried that his moving costs will go up if I do not participate, just sent out an email that said something along the lines of, "Hey, not trying to be a dick, but since I am hiring movers, I don't expect to move anything. So if you need help taking your couches downstairs, I'm not gonna help."

So I guess there are basically two reasons he did this:
1. He wants to pressure he into using movers by not offering to help move
2. He really is super lazy and doesn't want to move anything

I've never been in a situation like this before, as most of my friends (and me) would automatically just help if a friend needed assistance moving anything, let alone 2 couches that will take all of 10 minutes.

Is he in the right here, or being a jackass?

Have another friend help? You apparently already have a lease signed with this friend and it sounds like he's the passive aggressive type, so either confront him about it, which probably won't go well, or just ignore him and move it without him.

Moving is a pain in the ass and never as easy as you think it's going to be.

It's your prob. He doesn't want to move **** for whatever reason, and is willing to pay people to do it for him. How the hell can you expect him to help you move so you can avoid the cost of the movers?

Yes, he is passive aggressive. I can definitely get others to help me move.

I am more just curious if he is in the right here. I honestly have no idea, and when I read what he said, at first it even made a little sense to me, and then I realized that I would still help any friend who needed it, so I thought i'd see what others had to say...

This. And, he's probably picturing you being a cheapass and not getting movers, followed by him having to help your ass carry furniture and heavy boxes all day, which is exactly what he wanted to avoid. I don't blame him a bit.

PS hiring a mover can't be that much more expensive, if any at all, than renting a Uhaul right? I spent a ****ton getting a uHaul. Movers were done in like an hour. Best money ever spent.

Your friend has told you that he is hiring movers and you are welcome to pitch in if you want. He has also informed you that he isn't going to help you move because if he wanted to help someone move, he would probably just move himself. He's just letting you know where things stand, which is how adults handle stuff. If you can't afford movers then find some friends who will help you out. Don't get pissed at your friend for being honest and upfront.

You can prob get a u-haul for like $50. Movers are like $300ish, so his share will probably be around 150-200.

edited to add: How is friend 2 going to pitch in for the movers if he is moving a block from where you guys are? Will the movers unload at your place then go to his?

My upper limit is $200. I offered to do a straight chop of the bill with the others for sake of ease, but it's turning out to be a pain in the ass because they have so much crap that the total price estimates are kinda ballooning. General estimates are coming in around $200-$300/person, which I am a little hesitant to agree to since I don't see the value for moving only a few things.

And yes, we would have the movers drop stuff off at both places (they are<.25 miles away from each other, so shouldn't be a huge additional cost)

Eh, hold up. THIS is how adults handle stuff? I think the roommate is totally justified in his decision, but doing anything like this over email is the exact opposite of adult. It's passive-aggressive and immature, because instead of communicating with someone to their face as the decisions are being made, he is trying to strong-arm his friend through email, so he doesn't have to deal with the unpleasantness of being in the same room. Not adult imo.

Also, OP, chip in for the movers. Everyone will be happier. (And if you think you can do it w/o it being weird, mention that you'd prefer if this kind of correspondence wasn't done over email/notes in the future.)

I agree that it makes life easier for everyone if I just chip in. That's the big reason why I just offered to do a straight chop of the costs (if under $200/person - reasonable i think?) even though I have waaaay less stuff than the other two.

Also, your other point is a good one. I might be frustrated with the situation because he tends to always communicate via email about tough things instead of just saying it in person. A lot of people have had issues with him about this in the past. He certainly had the opportunity to tell me this last night, as we all talked for an hour face to face about the move...

But it sounds like most people agree that he is definitely in the right with his thoughts, and that's what I wanted to know. Thanks!

I obviously don't know all the details here, but the simple fact that he e-mailed the guy is not inherently being passive-aggressive or immature. When I had a roommate, we didn't specifically use e-mail, but left notes for each other alot. That's pretty common, IMO, as we actually didn't see each other that much. Making a simple statement doesn't require a sit-down.

Move in with friend #2 instead, and you can both move your own stuff.

Let Friend#1 hire a mover for his stuff and live by himself. Unless he's got like 5 hot nympho sisters and his Dad owns a liquor store, you don't want to live with a passive-aggresive.

Expecting a guy who is hiring movers because he doesn't want to haul **** around to help you haul **** around because you don't mind hauling **** around is insane.

Further examination of passive-aggressiveness or lack thereof can only be rendered if the entire, un-edited email is posted, but it sounds A-OK to me.

A 1 mile move of an apartment and the guy wants to hire a mover? Pretty lame imo. But, then again there are a lot of people that don't like to spend a few hours lifting heavy stuff (A 1 mile apartment move is probably close to 2 hours as long as everything is packed).

You move your way, he moves his way. He's a dick for giving you a hard time about it, but not really a dick for not helping you since he has his own moving to deal with. If you were the only one moving and he wouldn't help you, then he's not really much of a friend at all.

+1

Moving is ****ing horrible. Unless you just cannot afford them, its a mistake to do it yourself.

FWIW, i was friend number 1 not too long ago and my roomates didnt have any problem with it.

LOL, completely ******ed now that I read this. Your friend is either...

1) Super lazy
or
2) Super baller

Sharing an apartment with other people, I'm guessing it's 1. Collectively paying $600-$900 for max 4 hours of work that can be done for free and provide great exercise for his lazy ass is LOL.

Obv there could be extenuating circumstances, but given the info at hand I think it's safe to say that the email route was, in fact, passive aggressive. It's one thing if you never see one another- op indicated this isn't the case. Also, there's a difference b/w leaving a note saying "can you pick up lightbulbs" or "the cabinet is broken- I called the super", and putting some kind of potentially controversial information like this in a note/email.

Maybe it's a generational thing (even though I'm part of this generation?), but it seems to me people often use email/notes/whatever as a way to say what they want to say without the uncomfortable situation of actually saying it to your face. I'm not anti-note, but for a situation that already seemed sort of uneasy, is a note/email the best way to resolve it? I don't need a sit-down, just be man enough to say it to my face.

Having said all that, I still think OP (or myself, in that situation) is best served just getting over it. The main problem with roommates is that on certain things you're bound to see things differently, have different principles, etc. 99% of roommate issues would be solved by just saying "who cares?" OP seems to be quite reasonable in this regard, and not, as so many people in this situation, bitching about how horrible his roommate is for thinking differently about something.

DO NOT GET A UHAUL!

Seriously, google them and read the horror stories. Go to a reputable car rental agency like Enterprise, Budget, etc and rent a cargo van (sounds like you might even get by with just a mini-van if you know anybody with one). You'll pay about $30/day plus insurance (check if your credit card will cover this) so max about $50/day. Hiring movers to do an apartment you can easily pay $500 especially if they're doing the packing.

Your friend doesn't want to be bothered with moving and he's willing to pay to avoid the hassle. So don't expect anything from him. Get a couple reliable friends, order some pizza and make sure there's cold beer in the fridge and you're good to go. Sounds like you'll be done in a couple hours.

Calculate how much it would cost you to move your stuff by yourself. Offer that amount of money to your friend as your contribution for paying a removal firm.

Have someone else help you move the couches and then when he wants to lounge around on them you can tell him, "Sorry...since you wouldn't even help me move them you aren't allowed to sit on them either."

No, picking a moving company that charges such outrageous rates is LOL. OP, there are way better prices out there, for reputable moving companies. Then, there is always the Home Depot temp worker route.

cryme - UHaul is a ripoff but I don't think a mini-van will be good for moving a couple of couches.
Renting a pick-up truck is always an option though and could definitely be better than the UHaul option.


Seriously, it's one freaking mile. This isn't that damn hard. You can make as many trips back and forth as you want and it won't be that much of a problem. Hiring movers to go 1 mile if you don't have a lot of big things [couches, beds, piano, etc] is kind of lame.

that's what i was thinking, but instead of telling him, id send it in an email.

tho that could backfire. i mean he could be like 'hey, you wanna watch my big screen tv? yeah? well too bad, you didnt chip in on it's moving costs.'

i guess i would just get a buddy to help me with my **** and forget about his douchey approach.

Best advice in thread imo.