How on earth do you presume to know this? It has lasted at some capacity for two years. It sounds like a belief you're using to comfort yourself.

Ugh, sorry man this must suck but your posts keep reeking of unrealistic expectations, lying to yourself, and most importantly relinquishing control of your life to someone else. Someone who, by the way, cheated on you while you were apparently being the model husband. You are up to your ass in the denial stage right now.

Slim - didn't know you were Asian. This is great news for you my friend! If I were you I would seriously go on the Internet and start looking for new young wife you can import from the motherland. Even better if you still speak the native language. But at least you will have a good chance of finding a woman who genuinely shares your family values.

Slim,

Don't think of it as something broken, but something dead. There is nothing left to "fix" or work on. Bury it.

The addiction literature is something to wrap your mind around but it's inadequate to answer or prevent infidelity.

Focus on kids, and work. Document timetables and details of the affair for your attorney and beat her to the punch with divorce proceedings and grab back the reigns to your life.

Let me rephrase: I know it will end or at the very least, she may stick it out bc she is too ashamed and embarrassed to admit she screwed up her life. Here is how I know one of the 2 will occur

-according to stats over 80% of affair relationships end so right off the bat she has a 20% chance of not splitting up. Of those 20% who don't split up, over 90% are regret leaving their marriage. So that puts her at 2% chance of not regretting her decision to leave.
Now I compare her life before and after our divorce:
Before:
- full time with her twins who she is absolutely obsessed with.
- A husband who she says IS her best friend
- A husband who she says she still loves and cares about
- Good relationship with her extended family (over 40 of them in the Toronto area)
-Good relationship with my side of the family
-No debt...3000sqft bungalow home on an 1.25 acre lot

After:
- 60% custody of her kids
- disowned by her own father. Her father vowed that he will never speak to her again and can't bear to see the grandchildren anymore. Before this, he lived for his only 2 grandchildren.
- looked down on by the rest of her family (those who know so far)
- shunned by my sister who was her close friend
- she will no longer be invited to any family parties. When it is my kids' birthday, she will have to have a party alone with them and her new man.
- Has to live with 3 new teenage kids who will not respect her. They will eventually know she is the reason their parents split up.
-there is no way in hell my kids will not be negatively impacted by having to move in with these other kids and a new man.
- Will have to have debt again to buy new house.
-Wife says that the only issue she has with new man is "trust". He apparently celebrated his anniversary with his wife during their affair without telling her and she got pissed
-When the buzz of new love wears off, she will realise that she is with a cheater
- and finally, she has to live with guilt forever.


I don't think I am being delusional or irrational about their relationship ending at some point in the near future.Like I said, it has nothing to do with how great a guy I am, it has everything to do with how poor her life will be.
-

believe it or not, we are amicable. We have already submitted the custody arrangemnent and finacial equalization to the lawyer. It took us all of 4 hours or so do split all our possessions and everything else. I am not trying to squeeze every nickel out of her, nor is she. As a matter of fact, she has agreed to pay for my legal fees in this divorce bc she feels bad for what she has done.

I assume this doesn't include me. The point of my post was that maybe "loveless" marriages that still take care of the children well are way preferable to divorcing and remarrying for the sake of romance.

It's the widely held romantic view that marriage is first about emotional gratification--and also that love itself is only a romantic passion. I don't blame anyone for holding these views, because they're so common and so reinforced by popular culture. But I think OP's situation should raise this question for people: is no-fault divorce really such a great idea?

omg somebody who actually knows what he is talking about.

Ugh, well you keep on thinking that Sparky, and keep multiplying 90% by 80% by 2% and carrying the one and so on, all while Bizhub Boy keeps bending her over the copier.

I'm only posting crap like that because your posts are long and super delusional and I'm angry at myself for having read them. I do sincerely hope you move on though and the kids don't suffer as a result of all of this.

forgot to add that her boss is 8 yrs older than me and 10 yrs older than her almost bald. So in a year or 2 when he this in love phase wears off and he doesn't seem so dashing anymore and has trouble playing hockey with my son, we will see how strong their "connection" is.

BISON PLZ COME BACK TO THIS THREAD.

umm, that's the other thing...they are both laid off so no more ***** on the copier.....just the bed. We'll see how exciting that will be in a few months.

this is the first time ive really pitied someone on 2+2

Eight things I know:

1. She doesn't love you.
2. You don't love her.
3. Your marriage was an empty soulless shell for a long time before she strayed, and that bothers you so little that you want to go back to the exact circumstances that encouraged her to risk all her friends and family in the first place.
4. If someday her relationship with this guy ends and she makes an overture to you, she will spend one evening with you then go home and cry for two days.
5. If she comes back at any point you will drag each other and your kids into an abyss of despair deeper than all human comprehension.
6. You're keeping yourself above water with a white-knuckle grip on your all-consuming rage and pain. Get therapy.
7. Your kids aren't broken or even close to hopeless, but they need your help and you can't help them until you accept that your wife wants nothing to do with you, the guy she doesn't love at all, at all ever again for any reason whatsoever and get some help for yourself.
8. Right now you're trying to win an argument with your wife. You can't. It takes two parties to argue, and she has quit the game.

One thing i know:

You wrote those 8 things first and then counted that it was only 8 and then wrote "eight things i know". If not, I'm impressed.

Nice post.

What's super delusional about them? Do you think this doesn't already really suck for his kids?

And why does everyone keep saying things like "you should be worrying about taking care of your kids instead of doing all this reading and posting"? I'm not sure if the custody arrangement is already in place, but if so, he doesn't even get to see his kids until tomorrow. More importantly, if hours of reading and spending time on 2+2 necessarily means not taking good care of one's kids... then lots of people on this board are screwed. I just don't see why you assume the guy isn't doing everything he can to take care of his kids, while also educating himself and doing some public venting, about the real problems his kids are now going to face growing up.

slim,

Seriously, see a pro instead of typing on 2+2.

If you can't see what is SUPER DELUSIONAL about his posts then I'm not going to make my Carpal \'Tunnel worse trying to explain it to you because you probably won't get it. However, if he takes anything from this thread it's a bunch of people trying to give him a wake-up call, bison most pointedly.

As for the kids, of course it sucks. But what's done is done and it's clear from his posts that slim left town as far as reconciliation goes (whoops, no pun intended), and he needs to move on for his own sake.

I don't know who all these people are or where you got this from. I never doubted that he's not doing all he can to be a good father. The Chinaman's parenting is not the issue here, dude.

wow, a racist mod.

I've already stated in my previous posts that I do have a therapist.

Ok so I'm delusional but my wife who threw away her family for an old man is rational. You're smart.

Your ignorance of the Big Lebowski will be the final straw in this thread.

Probably not, but it's fun to pretend.

slim,

Fire your therapist and find one that doesn't rely on marriagebuilders.com.

I've already read about all the stuff that you so eloquently point out.

It seems the real issue slim has is not just that his wife strayed but she chose to have sex with an "old man" who is "almost bald" and he can't reconcile what that says about him.