And I'm also a minister. Post your dream and I'll interpret it for you, so you can have better insight into your own life's fortune and mystery!

For example, lately I've been dreaming about being an assassin, like twice in one week. Also there were mean dogs and by best friend drank grape soda through a straw with his butt. Professionally, I know assassin-dog-reverse poop dreams are caused by a lack of vitamin A and not enough television. Through years of experience in the field, I know they also usually mean you're slightly depressed and dangerous to others. I don't want to reveal too much about myself, though, so post your own dreams!!

As an actual certified Internet minister, I feel it's my duty to inform you that posing as a fake minister is against the Internet law. You damn sure best not be lying. Or else the Flying Spaghetti Monster will smite you!

"pHD certified" is an interesting turn of phrase.

It's important you're honest and don't hold out details you believe aren't important or be shy. As a professional I uphold strict privacy standards, don't worry. And I'm not a cop. If you want the real professional interpretation, you gotta give me the real deal.

5+ years and 5,000+ posts to set up a scam is real dedication. I kinda admire that.

In my dream I woke up and for some reason I had gotten a faux hawk. It looked something like this and I couldn't find any gel.

Alright i'll bite. I no longer remember any of my dreams but I still very vividly remember a dream from when i was a teenager.

I am having a romantic candelite dinner with a very attractive blonde who is a total stranger and we start off by having what seems like very playful and pleasant conversation. Very quickly the conversation turns sour and and my date gets physical/aggressive, pushes the table to the side and lunges at me to attack me. I grab her by the hair and pull it in such a way that she is bent 90 degrees at the waist facing the floor. I pull her passport out of her blonde hair and there is hair tangled between all the passport pages which are completely empty. As I am plipping through the pages I exclaim to her "hmmmm, you must watch a lot of soap operas". She punches me in the nuts and in retaliation I smack her upwardly in the face so hard that she is now airborne, turns into a sheep midair, lands on all fours and runs away.
What you make of that?

This is easy. You should PM me your phone number so we can talk privately.

Vitamin K deficiency. Eat more kale. Next?

well that was a letdown I was hoping that the trolling was at least going to be entertaining.

You obviously aren't familiar with FoldnDark's posting

Many years ago (obv), I worked at CompUSA.


I once had a dream that I was naked and being chased around the store by alligators while I was eating a plate of fried chicken. I remember that in the dream, it was very important not to let the alligators get the fried chicken.

This is serious biz, fyi. Most people think their dreams are special, and they can be, but often they're meaningless drivel caused by bad diet. My job is not to entertain, I am too much of a pro. The hair dream is interesting though. Def some iron deficiency, possibly vitamin D. I have some extra on hand I can deliver.

I guess i'm not.

Hmm, cross-species pursuits can mean lots of things. Do you remember wearing a hat or thinking anything about the alligator's upbringing?

Last Monday night I dreamt I banged your mom. Last Friday night I dreamt I banged your sister. Saturday night I dreamt banged your girlfriend. Its really strange but these dreams keep recurring every Monday, Friday and Saturday nights. What could it mean?

Oh, and also, important to note is that we are all wide awake during these dreams.

Awaiting your diagnosis

Tim?

I have a recurring anxiety dream wherein I'm trying to get to an appointment in a funhouse laid out like an antfarm/Donkey Kong level. The stairs are badly built and covered with super thin carpet, like a DIY that the person got tired of doing. The halls are full of people standing around, smoking, and sighing as I pass them how late I am; I'm pretty sure they know where I'm supposed to go.

I think you have a good idea what this dream means, but let me help you. First, you need more iron. If you're a vegetarian, do eat more kale. Second, are you letting things slip at work a bit, perhaps lurking too much on the internet? I thought so. Last, and most important, you have very good taste in music and should consider trying out for a band to develop your talent.

The doctor is going out for a bit. Feel free to post dreams, and I'll comment on those with any meaning. Also feel free to help each other out. It can be constructive.

Well this was disappointing.

From some random dream site:

I knew you'd know. Thanks, doc!

I remember tons of my dreams, and I know I am dreaming during them. What's the difference between those dreams and a lucid dream.

I keep dreaming that I've got a bad diet with vitamin deficiencies. WTF?

if this is what happens now that BruceZ isn't around to shepard his flock i'm in favor in reinstating him.

I had a dream that somehow this thread became entertaining