So I'm wondering if I can get some relationship advice on what to do in this situation...

I'm a 29 year old, career-focused single guy, and there's this girl I work with whose a year younger than me. We've been been at this same company for ~4 years now but never really knew each other until early 2016, when our company started a new small team in which we were both members. Currently, we are both two of three people who have been in this same team since it started. This team now has 6 people. So I've talked to her daily at work for over a year now and we both know each other well, though when we talk, 95%+ of the time it's about work related stuff.

I've gradually come to realize that she is one of only a handful of girls I've ever met in my life who has a personality that I'm just very drawn to and attracted to. I have never directly expressed this to her, and she hasn't to me, but I can tell she is drawn to me as well based on how she treats me. She's called me a "genius" and constantly seeks me for work-related assistance and questions, and has told me she thinks there are processes at work that I understand better than anyone within different departments/teams. I think she understands that I'm similar to her in that we're both very career focused. On the other hand, she might just be kind to everyone and it's not just me.

The problem: She moved in w/ a different guy half a year ago and got engaged a few months ago. I haven't talked directly w/ her about this but have learned this from off-hand remarks here and there. The guy may be a bit older than me or may make more money since he owns a home. The only thing I got that indicates she may not be extremely happy w/ him is an off-hand comment of something like "...I mean, my parents seem to like him..." as well as the fact that they were not dating very long, and the guy proposed to her rather than she to him (though this may not mean much as this is probably very common).

So what do I do??? Options...

A. Express my attraction to her but present myself as a "back-up" in case things don't work out w/ the guy. Tell her something along the lines of "...but I'm not going to try to steal you from him as you two are already engaged, and trying to cancel the engagement is a scummy thing to do at this point." Things afterwards may not be too awkward w/ this option.

B. Express my attraction to her but more aggressively, perhaps asking her if she's really happy w/ this guy or try to convince her that I'm better. Things afterwards will be extremely awkward if I'm rejected, but this has the highest chance of long-term success.

C. Reach out to other co-works to try to get more background info to found out if she's getting engaged just because she doesn't want to reach her 30's unmarried as opposed to because she finally found "the one"?

D. Do nothing and give her up.

I've been in a similar spot except with a much deeper background of friendship with the girl. It's a tough spot. My answer to your multiple choice is E: None of the above.

Try to initiate social meetings outside of work, preferably with other friends around to reduce awkwardness. If your read is correct, it will become clear to both of you and things will work themselves out. Good luck to you.

challenge her fiance to battle in the thunderdome imo

also i agree with above, try to do some stuff with her outside of work, if she's not happy with her engagement/interested in you she'll probably (even accidentally) drop some hints, even if she's a faithful woman. i wouldn't take her respecting your work as a sign she's hoping you come save her from her marriage tho

If you want to make work completely awkward for both her and yourself, then yes, definitely tell this engaged woman who lives with her fiance, that you want to pursue a relationship with her. Im sure it will work out and you two will live happily ever after.

Nope nope nope nope nope

Nope

Yeah if you have known her quite well for a while and nothing has happened..... just remember to be a good bridesmaid on the day

I couldn't imagine telling any woman I was interested in that she could count on me as a back-up plan. Especially a woman I worked with.

Its clear that she is getting both of her needs met

For now just work hard, get promoted, and become her boss. Then you can out the moves on her from a position of authority.

yup, this is pretty much always the correct answer

Isn't being a Work Husband enough?

So just to cliff this:
You have a good rapport with her because she's nice to you and gives you ego and boner-swelling compliments. I imagine you haven't had that with a ton of girls. I would guess it's at least 95% that it's the above and not because you have an extra-good personality match.

All the girls I've ever ever loved have moved in with a different guy and gotten engaged while they were falling head over heels for me.

Also, she sounds like a winner. Lifelong partner material.

Well that comment - if taken properly in context - means you have a good shot. Should you take it? Hell no.

If you must pursue her (I'd work on your social life instead as a far far better option for personal growth and happiness and finding the right girl), then this is the way to go. Plant a seed in her mind firmly but as subtly as possible. Next time she complains about her bf or something - "well if you weren't engaged I'd ask you out" - smile, pass it off as joke/friendly compliment (there is a zero chance you'll be able to do this, but I'm giving you advice here that assumes competence), and put the seed in her mind.

If she likes you, it will grow.

This is your call. It's ugly as hell, and not the best way to start a relationship, imo.

You're overthinking this.

The pro play is to scale back on work and try to improve your social life a little. There are a lot of girls out there. Millions of eligible ones who would make you happier than this girl, and with none of the complications. Go find them.

This! So much this!

It is incredibly hard to maintain some sense of normal in a job, if you somehow show her your feelings.

Grasping for straws bro. This is a def no. She seems to be good at being nice. You come off as low tier reaching type - sorry just my read.

The answer, as always, is give up. Then quickly move to another target to also give up on.

sick brag OP

I'm going to go against everyone else here and say you should go for it. I mean if this: doesn't scream "true love" I don't know what else she has to do to get your attention. For God's sake she called you a "genius".

"...I never thought something like this would happen to me, but it all started when I was an entry-level engineer at a small firm in East Texas..."

Don't listen to the haters OP, A is the clear winner.

Tuma,

That was a spot on post.

Do you take a shot of whiskey before work if you have a cold?

Use online dating and you can find thousands of similar women in your area with whom you don't have to work every day.

Toothsayer is providing the most detailed best advice itt, but as he says, it seems like you are going to struggle to pull off some of it without a certain level of social aptitude which you may be lacking.

The easy answer to situations like this are to take advantage of the fact there are millions (billions) of other women out there that could make you exceedingly happy. Most people only interact with people that are either in their school (and more specifically classes) or their job (and more specifically the debt), so they never get the chance to meet many other people.

Focus on expanding your social opportunities is the best advice.

Is this part of a "Penthouse Letters" story or transcript from the criminal trial?

Sent from my HTCONE using Tapatalk

Because you work closely with her, you must be careful so she doesn't file some BS complaint about you, if she thinks you're hitting on her. I guarantee you, she likes you as a friend, but not as a lover, etc. She's already got that and the money / security of her older guy. But of course she's curious about you and what could have been with you, but she can't go there now due to her engagement. I would not do much at all. Wait for her to make a move years from now. Don't make any move at all. See how the next several years go with her older guy. 50% of marriages end in divorce, especially those first 2 to 5 years. At any point, if she thinks she made a mistake of choices, you'll be the first to know. Kimock7