It would be petty hilarious to go and then when the bill comes refuse to pay for anything but your own meal. I mean, it could get awkward, but what could they do?

What??? Anybody who tries to make you feel akward about this on a first date should be ditched immediately. The girl asked HIM out. SHE is inviting HIM. If anything, SHE should be paying and he should not have to pay a ****ing dime. Especially in a place where it will probably be $100 a person minimum. That's not something you can expect most normal people to afford (poker ballaz excluded).

Those kinds of restaurants are NO GOOD for a first date. I would rather take a friend to a restaurant like that than some random girl I met in some party.

I would go on this date with the girl but no way am I picking up any bill besides my own. On the date, I let the douche do most of the talking, he will look insecure, I will look confident. I only chime in once in a while to say something funny. And by the way, I am fairly sure he would pick up the entire tab because that's the best way to "impress" his date. So at the very worst at the end of the night I have eaten and drank for free...thx chump.

It's weird that they know what kind of restaurants this guy usually picks when going out with the friend, but the girl is uncomfortable going out alone with him. Makes no sense.

Yeah this has **** sandwich written all over it. Also, being invited along as an insurance policy against a rich creeper, sounds like she considers you "safe." Friend zone imo.

I would go, and like others have said, if they try and get you to pay the whole bill, just pay your part and thats it.

Right, but the conundrum here is that this is almost exactly the reason he was invited. When it comes to chicks - especially hot ones - there is always some guy willing to throw money after them in a desperate attempt to get laid. If not surf then someone else. He's already ceded upper hand by inviting her multiple times to things she's declined, so by this point she no doubt figures he'll foot the bill. This could be a poor read on my part but probably not as I have been there in the past and learned from it.

Nah, the more I've thought about it the more resentful I get about these sorts of situations. She's basically using surf, plain and simple, getting him to pay for an event in which he had or may have no input as to the venue, cost, etc. I'd be annoyed enough right out of the door to where it would ruin my good time.

(I suck at reading ulterior motives, always have, which is why it's taken reading other posts and thinking about this for 12 hours or whatever to put the pieces together.)

Very good point to be made that shes probably trying to get him to pay or that just by saying no he gains the upper hand in the small chance case shes being sincere.

This whole thing seems like a lot of overthinking and is hosing you out of a date with a good looking girl and a nice meal.

Let's say you accepted the offer.


Would you go in expecting to pay for just your meal, or yours and hers?

How about asking what restaurant they're going to?

...that will almost certainly end up with OP having blue balls and possibly a couple hundred dollars poorer in the process. If he wanted that outcome he could just pick up some Jack in the Box and smuggle it into a titty bar.

someone tell me what the page the pics are on

guids def has it right.

I would have played it exactly as OP played it, though I'm guessing he did it inadvertantly.

I would have conditionally accepted the offer so she knows you're still interested in her, however declined the offer when I 'remembered I made prior commitments'. Letting her know that your life comes first.

As for what you should do if you actually go on this date, the suggestion about picking up the drinks tab is perfect. It makes you look proactive in the sense that you are not the second person to pick up a tab because the first one did, and you also escape the probably more expensive dinner bill.

When the dinner bill comes I would still half heartedly offer to pay, more in a 'hey I can pick this up' but insecure baller will probably have nothing of it and you'll be a total win.


If you care nothing of this girl and simply want to get laid and also don't care if you never talk to her again, then playing guids game of hitting on her friend is the way to go. Not in a pathetic way obviously, just ask the questions that the guy trying to get to know her should be asking. 'so where are your favorite places that you've visited? where do you want to go next?' 'ohh i've been there, you'll love it, absolutely amazing' type ****... Discuss her goals, where she wants to be etc... etc... makes you look like the conversationalist and the out going one while others are sitting there staring at each other.

This is just not how girls talk or think.

Of course there are opportunistic girls and many if not most women will take advantage of their looks/sex appeal to get free drinks and meals when able. But women don't sit around plotting with one another how to score a free dinner.

Who knows what's really going on but it's definitely not an elaborate plan to scam you.

Personally, I would not go on this date. But it's not because I would be afraid of a conspiracy against me. I would, however, make a counter offer to Hawty that she should tell her friend to ditch Henry so that we could go out as a threesome and have a proper evening.

Irieguy

i'd never expect a girl to pay for my meal, even if she's the one that invited me.

but lol @ the thought of paying for her in this situation.

nice

When her friend agreed to go on a date to an expensive restaurant with someone she thought was creepy, it really doesnt matter if she sat around plotting or if it just came to her - you've got a pretty good idea what her motive was.




Picking up the drinks tab is a bad idea. The other guy might not be an insecure baller. He could easily just be some guy looking for pussy, who got bilked into taking a gold digger to an expensive venue like you almost did. If he is, there's no way he picks up the dinner tab just because you got the drinks. Unless you actually feel comfortable paying for you and the girl, you're better off not going.


Stick with your excuse.

If she's actually interested in you, you'll get another chance at going out with her.

I'm not really sure how you think that this is such a lock.

It seems possible she's interested, but doesn't really want to go out on a date alone, nor does her friend, so they want mutual back up and it's a beneficial situation for both of them.

A lot of this thread just seems like overly cynical Blarg nonsense where everybody acts like women are out to steal our organs.

they are man, they are

you'd basically be playing wingman for a guy you don't even know, and that has a high probability of being a douche.

i'd probably be going, but in the back of my head, i'd be giggling at the idea of 'having to use the restroom' right after i got done eating.

my problem would be that i just really don't like other people. being trapped at a table with a rich douche that's trying to impress some girl that i don't even know, and the only person i DO know i really don't doesn't sound like a good night to me. i definitely would end up getting snarky with somebody.

No, I'm going off of what OP wrote:

- from the start he thinks girl is out of his league. Most of us have a decent idea of what range of women we can attract based off of intuition and past successes and failures. The only thing working against this is his undertitle, which is "Pessimist".

- girl turns down multiple offers to hang out in the past.

- out of nowhere girl now wants him to join a dinner with an agenda that has nothing to do with him or his input, creating an awkward situation regarding who will pay (many guys find it emasculating to a let women pay, especially on first dates and even if it's the woman's idea).

As individual parts these things don't paint much of a picture but taken as a whole they suggest that OP is setting up to be used by someone who probably doesn't have interest in him. Yeah I suppose there's a chance she's interested and going will help his cause but I've seen this scenario enough times to know the next exit is almost certainly Friendzoneville, Pop. 1.

And no, not all women are sleazy money grubbing devious scheming whores, not at all. But they're opportunists. I had a roommate who used to get several dinners/week paid for by first dates she met off of match.com. She even told me on multiple occasions that she wasn't interested in the guy but figured it was a free dinner (WTF? Why would she tell me that?). I didn't consider her particularly evil, just good at working the system.

Finally, Dids, you have a really, really, really bad track record of advice in dating/women-related threads so I don't know why I'm wasting time explaining all this to you as you're just going to reject it and get it wrong again in the future.

Dids is probably right and it's not the sinister plan on her part that some of you are making it out to be. That said, if you really don't trust this to not be a scam, you're crazy to put too much faith in her description of this other guy. For all you know, he's just some random getting roped into the same scam as you, not the insecure high-roller he's being described as. Offering to pick up the drink tab or otherwise banking on him offering to pay for everything is very likely to backfire. If you're not prepared to pay for at least you and hot girl, don't go. And definitely don't offer to pay for anything more if you're not ready for other dude to call your bluff. A lot of people are making way too many assumptions about this guy based on a third-hand description of him from a girl you don't even trust.

Why even justify saying no due to prior a prior engagement? Why not say that the date sounds like a really awkward situation and you're not interested?

Dinner dates with a girl that wants to sex you are awkward enough. I can just imagine how much this debacle would suck.

Paying for drinks is something I might do even if I wasn't on a date. It's a normal thing to do. Paying for some random chicks meal in a 5 star restaurant is lame. There is no way I could get suckered into doing this. What is the worse that could happen if OP goes on the date? He eats a good meal in the company of a douche and a couple skanks. No biggy. I don't see how he get's the bill forced onto him.

I need closure, where are you OP?