Question for Pongo / DBZ / any other girls:

OP has already stated that he doesn't think he could lay it all out honestly with this girl, but hypothetically, what do you think of that approach? Is there ANY possible way for that sort of conversation to end well? For the sake of the hypothetical, let's assume that the girl is more than "just a few pounds" north of skinny. Is there any possible way for a guy to say to a girl he knows really well, "Hey, I really dig you, you have X, Y, and Z amazing qualities, you are an incredible girl and I'd really like to date you -- and I know I'm a horrible person for saying this, but I can't get over the fact that I'm not physically attracted to you because of your weight." Is there any way to have such a conversation without leading to inevitable resentment?

Also, does your answer change if the guy and the girl have been dating for a long time, and the girl started off skinny, but she has put on weight and hasn't shown much initiative to try to lose it? In that case, if the guy had stopped feeling attracted to her, would it be acceptable to delicately but honestly broach the subject?

Just about nobody wants a fat girl, period. I'd rather die alone (which is a high possibility) than marry/date/anything one. I've never even touched a fatty and it will never happen in my lifetime. Like Nintendo-guy said, I can accept/excuse just about any variant of ugly, but I cant ever compromise on weight.

I never understand it when guys get drunk and sleep with a fat girl. And I've been very, very drunk many times (military ftw).

keep her as a friend and if ur still not married by 35-40, hit her up imo.

Pretty sure there is no way for that conversation to end well. She knows she's overweight. Even if hearing that some guy (that presumably she is interested) would like her a lot if she lost weight spurs her to lose weight, she'd probably be so hurt by the guy actually telling her that that she'd never end up with him.

A third of the women in this country don't know the bullet they all just collectively dodged.

pongo, it's not about "holding it against her".

You are sexually attracted to something or you're not. I cannot choose what I'm attracted to. If I could, I would be attracted to every single woman walking on earth, and I would be the happiest man alive. Guess what. It doesn't work that way.

What you are saying is, "do you really have problem with not being sexually attracted to your wife". The obvious answer is, yes, of course. Anyone would have a problem with it, including yourself. Just imagine if your husband just didn't turn you on at all. I doubt you'd be just fine with that. Maybe you have a problem understanding how being overweight can be such a huge deal for men because women don't appreciate physical features nearly as much (not that women are any less "shallow" though - money/power is just as important to women as looks are to men). But apparently, it is a huge deal. Exactly what am I supposed to do? Accept sexual dissatisfaction just out of a sense of obligation? Pretend that I'm attracted? Indefinitely? Does this really seem so much easier than staying thin?

All this being said, I do think that the hate of anything other than outright skinny is 100% cultural and is being taken waaaay too far. But that is a different problem, you understand. It's NOT a question of responsibility in a given relationship. If men were attracted to chubby girls, then that attraction would be just as "shallow" as their attraction to skinny girls. Guilt will not help to change it.

Personally, I actually seem to take chubbiness much better than most. But that is because I can still well feel that "shallow" attraction towards a chubby figure. If I try to imagine just flat out losing attraction towards a girlfriend (which is what would seem to be the case for most guys when the girl gains weight), that's a terrible situation to be in.

But bottom line it's NOT about who's to blame. Does it really make sense to you that any guy would EVER choose to not be attracted to their GF? That is just absurd. If someone is not attracted to someone it cannot be by choice ever. Pointing fingers does not make sense.

I have a hard time answering this question because I've never been anything but skinny, and I've never had to work to be this way. I can't imagine it going well, though, for all but a very tiny tiny population of women. If she's otherwise as awesome as suggested, she probably won't have a hard time finding another guy as long as her self-esteem isn't in the dirt.

The second question... well, it depends. If you take a girl like me, who isn't necessarily particularly fit, but just is skinny because of god-given metabolism or whatever, if suddenly my biochemistry changes and I start putting on weight, it's not like I've changed my habits or stopped taking care of myself; I'm doing what I've always done, and it's just not working the same. Bringing it up with me would probably not be good, because I would be just as aware if not moreso that I was putting on weight and that was BAD but I wouldn't be in a place to even know how to deal with it, really, because I'd never had to before and it would suck to have someone being like, whoa, your metabolism really gave out on you didn't it? P.S. you're not attractive any more. I'm sure that most women in this position are behind-the-scenes trying to do something about it, but haven't figured out how to do it/motivate themselves/develop will power/whatever. I can't imagine having to think about what food I was eating, other than I am hungry and such-and-such sounds good.

But if I was someone who worked really hard to keep slim and fit and then once settled down I gave it all up and sat on the couch and ate ice cream all day, you'd probably have an argument, that I wasn't the (active, healthy) girl you first fell for, and you could probably discuss it without even bringing weight up at all.

I think it is a little about holding it against her, although maybe nobody has used those exact words. You all are couching this in terms like "not taking care of herself," but sometimes the circumstances might mean that not taking care of oneself has little to do with weight gain.

Maybe I just can't imagine not finding someone you otherwise love attractive because of a little chub that they couldn't really help.

I'm probably older than most itt, but i've always been this way so it's not an age thing: i'll take a chubby girl with a brain and a quick wit over a uber hot moron.

She'd have to be dumb as rocks to not see what's going on when he says that. Still probably better than just telling her she needs to lose weight tho.

Has OP tried prescription beer goggles?

Can you imagine losing your attraction to a guy because he starts smoking weed, quits his job and takes up residence on the couch?

Or if something like this happens:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/172785/louie-bully#s-p1-so-i0

i was with someone for a long time who wasn't really attracted to me, i just didn't know better. but being "in a relationship" with someone who likes to have you around for certain reasons, but not sexually interested in you... is not a good feeling and obviously gets worse over time. it's unhealthy.

i'm not the most attractive girl in the world, and i know i'm not physically ideal but i would like to think there are guys out there that i'm attracted to that would also have an attraction to me. no matter how cool they think i am to keep around, i don't want to be with a guy that doesn't get a boner for me. i'm sure she feels the same. how are you going to want to please her if you aren't attracted to her?

people are attracted to different things, and i think when you're really into someone you just crave "them" as a person, it's either there or it's not, you can't really force it or it'll never really feel right. it's not a good situation for you to get deeper into if those feelings just aren't there, it sounds like you want to talk yourself into it out of convenience because you found someone who likes you and you like spending time with. you said any guy SHOULD be happy with her, but you're not or you wouldn't have found it necessary to post something like this about your dissatisfaction, it probably just wasn't meant to be..

i don't see any good way to bring up the "i think you're awesome, but damn, i'm just not attracted to you. can you fix the way you look?" conversation and have it end well. things would just be tainted after that. obviously.

so... you either need to be the one to change your perception of things (if thats possible) and be happy with her as she is first or end it. i'm sure she knows she is overweight and struggles with the issue already.

also i'm guessing it probably has less to do with her weight than you think it does and the chemistry is just missing between you two.

or maybe you watch too much porn.

do you think she is simply unaware that she is fat? he totally needs to let her know that his penis can't get up for her, so she can get that corrected ASAP to hang onto this keeper. if a guy said that to me, sure, my reaction WOULD be to start running. so it'd work, just not in the way that would be intended.

i never claimed the girl doesn't "struggle" with other issues as well. i don't know her. we all have our problems. i'm just saying i'm sure she is aware she is fat. and if she isn't, it's probably because guys in the past have been getting boners for her... ??

no one wants to be fat, so if someone is fat, it's obviously something they "struggle with" in some way or another. sorry i don't have a more acceptable way to word that for you. obviously she can lose weight if she wants to enough. but i just don't see how this is a way to ever start a relationship by telling someone you really like them, but they need to lose weight or you don't want to be with them. that deserves a good slap in the face if you ask me.

the problem is that when she loses weight she'll either leave you or lose most of those attractive qualities.

OP have you watched Shrek? Its a gooder.

So if you met a guy you really liked in every way, but who had a massively hairy back and arms you found repulsive and a huge turnoff, you wouldn't mention it? You'd either accept it an say nothing while you enjoy this gorilla sleeping with you, or not date this perfect guy because he's never gotten waxed/lasered? That seems totally nuts imo.

I hope you never meet the perfect (but very hirsute) guy, because according to these morals he's within his rights to slap you hard in the face if you ever bring it up.

Or does it become acceptable to bring up your partner's massive turnoffs after x weeks of a relationship? Let's say you loved hair guy but could never get wet for him because his hair revolted you; at what point in the relationship does it become ok to bring up the hair so that you can actually have a happy sex life instead of rubber sex with carpet man?

this man knows what he's talking about. Best advice in this thread.

Obviously, you are young. When you get my age, you realize it doesn't matter how hot the broad was you hooked up with, you'll get tired of sex with her after a while...and particulary if she's demanding in bed and it starts feeling like a chore. Nothing is worse than working all day long to come home and have some high maintenance broad try to browbeat you into giving her an O.
So, if you got what you think is a great broad, buy some blue pills and make it work.

i wouldn't have this problem because i love disgusting people.
but if i did, i'd tie him up and surprise him with a free wax session done by yours truly, and right before each yank, i would quietly whisper in his ear..."if i ever see another disgusting hair on this body again, i will destroy you." then after the hair is well removed i would have sex on my new slip & slide.

he can't slap me when i bring it up, because he'll be tied down, see? i think ahead.

You've earned the right to slap any guy you like. Carry on.

I think your using the term perfect a bit wide here.

havent read this thread through, but for most people, no matter how attractive you partner, you will lose the flare she gives you at the beginning. the longer term returns come in these personality and livability factors, most of the time.

on top of which, no matter how hot your spouse, youll always want to bang other chicks. no getting past this. so, in all, id recommend staying, and building up a nice porn collection for better arousal. if you're the non-virtual cheating type then get your satisfaction elsewhere. isnt this what ashleymaddison is for anyways?

dont forget, you may be able to get girls like this to get more crazy too because of their need to compensate so have fun with it.