In the style of Euro-Rounders,

https://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/2...unders-199505/

I present to you:

Fast Food Rounders

McMuffin (voiceover): "If you can't find the best fast food deal in a 5 mile radius then you are the fast food fish. And not a Filet o' Fish, because those things are ****ing awesome."

Title: The showing of this movie is accompanied by your favorite fast food delivered by DoorDash™

McMuffin (voiceover): "I dropped and broke my phone earlier today so I can't use app deals and the only place open now at 1:30AM near me is Burger King; which as everyone knows has the highest fast food variance around. And I do mean variance. It's like you're playing Russian Roulette with your stomach sometimes!"

- McMuffin calls Joey Hamburgers to check if he is in the area so McMuffin can use his app deals. -

McMuffin (voiceover): "Joey Hamburgers is a fast food legend. He hasn't had to cook for himself since he was sixteen years old. This guy knows all the angles. I'm talking multiple phones for maximum fast food deal opportunities. He has the hours of operation for every fast food place in a 50 mile radius memorized. A true fast food rounder."

- Joey Hamburgers answers his phone. -

Joey Hamburgers: "Hey McMuffin, Don't tell me you broke your phone again because I'm not going to drive over to Burger King to help you out right now. I had a real bloodbath of a meal over at Wendy KGB's franchise earlier. I definitely had too much creamy sriracha. So I gotta stay near the toilet."

McMuffin: "Okay fair enough Hamburgers. Have a good rest."

Joey Hamburgers: "Now keep beef on your mind and in your ass!"

- Joey Hamburgers hangs up -

- McMuffin drives up to the fast food microphone -

McMuffin: Muttering under his breath, "Value be damned, I'm ****ing hungry. I need to shovel this order up my ****ing ass."

Burger King employee: "Wait what.. Did you just say you have a shovel stuck up your ass!?"

McMuffin: "That was probably just interference. Give me a Double Whopper, 4 bacon double cheeseburgers, two spicy chicken sandwiches, large fries, and large onion rings. And don't be skimpy on the Zesty™ sauce. I ****in' shower in that ****."

Burger King employee: "Would you like cheese on your Double Whopper sir?"

McMuffin: "Do I look like a man who doesn't get cheese on his Whoppers???" Errrr, oh ****, you can't see me. My bad, yes put as much cheese as ****ing possible on that bad boy. Thanks."

Burger King employee: "Okay sir, that'll be $30.41. Please drive up to the window and wait for your bounty of glorious fast food."

McMuffin: "Bounty of glorious fast food!? Tell your manager I said you deserve a ****ing raise!"

Burger King employee: "Haha oh thank you sir, I will forward along your message."

- 10 minutes later McMuffin receives his food, drives to the parking lot, parks, and props up his mini table that is located on his other front seat for such dining occasions. McMuffin carefully unloads his treasure of fast food onto the tray and within 15 minutes everything is ****ing gone. -

------------------

- The next day McMuffin drives up to see his best friend Fry, who had gotten banned from Wendy KGB's franchise six months ago for getting caught using screenshots of app deals. He subsequently went on tilt, and has ate nothing but salad and lean protein since. Now he's allowing himself a once weekly cheat day, and that day is today! -

Fry: "Hey McMuffin, I had an excellent Caesar salad last night, the lettuce and dressing were perfect!"

McMuffin: "You know what's excellent? Shoving so much hot beef up my ass that I can't walk straight. Chicken so spicy that even George Costanza would break out in sweats. Fries so perfectly salted that you think they were sent down from heaven."

Fry: "Let's get some ****ing fast food!"

McMuffin: "Don't mess with me right now. I know you're a salad man now."
Fry: "It's cheat day you fast food ****er!"

McMuffin: "OMZG CHEAT DAY!"

---------------------

- McMuffin and Fry, who is now wearing a full on disguise, head over to Wendy KGB's Franchise. -

McMuffin: "Okay play it cool. Let me do all the talking and we'll be home free with tons of square fresh hot beef!

- McMuffin and Fry walk up to the counter, but fast food luck is not on their side today. Wendy KGB is on the front lines, as her manager called out sick today. Wendy KGB sees right through Fry's disguise when he opens his mouth to begin his order. McMuffin's hubris fails him this time, as he could have just had Fry stay in the car while he ordered for both of them. -

Wendy KGB: "Fry you were banned from this location, and now you're here again. Don't make me call the police to escort you out!"

McMuffin: "Look let's cooler heads prevail, he's sat out for six months. Please let him back in the Wendy's fast food game! He really needs a hot square fresh beef injection where the sun don't shine!"

Wendy KGB: "You're vouching for him?"

McMuffin: "Yes, yes I am."

Wendy KGB: "Then you're banned now too! Out! Out! Both of you! Out! And I will be contacting Wendy's official headquarters to get you banned at every single Wendy's in the World!"

- McMuffin and Fry stumble out of Wendy KGB's Franchise, cursing their bad luck. -

McMuffin: "I told you to let me do all the talking! Now I'll never have another hamburger as pure and delightful as the Dave's Single. And just when they began their awesome 2 for $5 promotion too! Fry you're really a **** up."

Fry: "**** man, I thought I could beat the system. Who would have thought that Wendy KGB's memory was so perfect that she could remember my voice!?"

- Fry and McMuffin depart ways. -

-----------------

- McMuffin has a notion. He'll go to Joey Hamburgers for help. He's virtually VIP at Wendy KGB's franchise, having known the owner for over 20 years. McMuffin drives over to Joey Hamburgers' place. -

- Knock Knock -

- Joey Hamburgers opens the door, nods, and says come in. McMuffin walks in and before he's even halfway through the door Joey Hamburgers rips into him. -

Joey Hamburgers: "You really messed up McMuffin. I've already caught word of your disgraceful action of bringing Fry to a banned establishment. What the **** do you want me to do?"

McMuffin: "Could you talk to Wendy KGB for me? Smooth things over a bit?"

Joey Hamburgers: "And I want a lifetime supply of Baconators, shoved up my ass one at a time, by Ana de Armas!"

McMuffin: "Look I never told anybody this, but I once went to Arby's and I beat the game."

Joey Hamburgers: "Nobody beats Arby's. They have the Meats.™"

McMuffin: "Well this location had discontinued their Happy Hour promotion 2 weeks before I showed up, but I talked the manager into honoring it for me despite it being 7:30PM on a Friday night."

Joey Hamburgers: "No ****ing way. You need to be an Arby's regional manager to have that type of pull in there like that."

McMuffin: "Well all I had was my love of Arby's sliders and curly fries. And I outplayed the manager. To begin with he kept stonewalling me, denying each of my unique requests. A small crowd started to form, until eventually I didn't care if I looked like a fool. I just wanted to outplay this Arby's manager right then, right there."

Joey Hamburgers: "You son of a gun."

McMuffin: "Not only did I get Happy Hour for myself, but also for the 5 people in the crowd who formed too. I walked into Arby's that day a nobody, and I walked out a champion, with my belly full of delicious curly fries and horsey sauce."

Joey Hamburgers: "You know, horsey sauce makes a great lube for their roast beef."

- McMuffin and Joey Hamburgers laugh for 27 minutes -

Joey Hamburgers: "That's great and all, but I can't help you. I can't risk my good standing with Wendy KGB."

- McMuffin hatches a new plan to drive to Wendy's headquarters in Dublin, Ohio to challenge the CEO heads up for hamburgers. He drives through the night, arriving there soon after the CEO enters his office. -

Wendy's CEO Secretary: "Mr. Wendy's CEO, Sir, this man, says he has to see you, for unfairly being banned from all Wendy's locations!

Wendy's CEO: "Send him in."

- McMuffin begins to speak when the Wendy's CEO cuts him off. -

Wendy's CEO: "I've heard about you and your friend Fry and I have a proposition for you."

McMuffin: "I'm all ears Mr. CEO."

Wendy's CEO: "I'm a fair man, and a bit of a fun guy as well. If you can eat 6 whole Baconators in one sitting then you and your friend are reinstated worldwide."

- Suddenly the Secretary brings in a cart with 6 freshly cooked Baconators -

McMuffin (voiceover): "Holy **** this guy is serious. Does he always have 6 fresh Baconators on hand for such occasions? Well, it's a good thing that I didn't eat anything all night, so maybe I can pull it off. My all time record is 3.5 Baconators, but I'll be praying to the beef gods for victory this morning!"

- McMuffin eats 4 Baconators quickly, but struggles mightily to finish the 5th one, and is about to admit defeat until Fry bursts through the CEO's door, runs over to the cart, and finishes the 6th Baconator in two whole bites. An amazing sight to see, of showmanship, and of friendship that the CEO allows them both to be reinstated! -

McMuffin: "Fry, how the **** did you know where I was going to go?"

Fry: "Easy, we've always talked about taking a trip to Dublin, Ohio one day to see where Wendy's originated."

McMuffin: "You glorious salad eating bastard, I forgive you!"

- McMuffin and Fry drive off to the closest Wendy's and celebrate their victory, with 2 large frosty's. -

- FIN -

Opened up OOT and Bam! "JUST NOW" do we have literary excellence!


First

Just read it. Legit haven't laughed that much at the written word in a very long time! Brava!

This was way better than the previous poker story that you wrote under your Smudger2408 alias!

Well done.

Lololololololol

Well done

Thank you. Thank you.

lol that guy is not me.

Thanks old sport!

Thanks.

Favorite lines guys?

He hasn't had to cook for himself since he was 16 years old.

I wont lie, I enjoyed rereading eurorounders so much I didn't think there was any way your story could not suck by comparison and leave me disappointed. I'll try and find some old Haseeb Qureshi posts to read later and double back, that way it'll be impossible for me to disappointed

grunching, still unsure how i feel about the fact i'll soon be reading fast food rounders

also very upset regardless of results, i now know about a thing called euro rounders and will have to read that too

lol I enjoyed, well done, laughed out loud at least twice. Ending needs a tweak though!

well played, appreciate the inclusion of the tm after zesty, it's those little details that matter

Thanks rickroll !

This was well done and got stronger as it went.

The Johnny Chan scene at Arby’s was incredible!

I love the regional manager line!

Thanks! I had a lot of fun writing the Arby's scene.

RoundGuy tried to calculate the amount of time it took for All-in to make that post.

RoundGuy's calculator broke.

Nice job. Very, very nice.

yeaaaaa!!!

Thanks!

I wrote it all in one sitting. Went to sleep and proofread it when I woke up for a few readings.

So not long at all.

Thank you!

PM me with your source of recreational substances.

Believe it or not, I wrote it stone cold sober.