Yes!

Yoko Ono took John Lennon to an art exhibit. He ascended a ladder for one piece, and in tiny lettering found the word 'yes' was etched on the ceiling or something

Then they wrote music for The Plastic Ono Band

Concussion TR?

Its funny how many guys Ive watched for years and yet don't know their face. Switched back to Braves game and the image was a closeup of the pitcher. Im like lol, this guy looks kinda old. Its Darren O'Day. Probably seen him pitch 50+ times, but his face doesn't stick.

Oh man. I am most definitely high on drugs.

Working on concussion TR in between work stuff, it's turning into a novel.

Looking forward to reading it!

December 23rd of 2008, was home from school for holiday break. I wake up extremely confused. It's 3 AM and I'm tucked into bed wearing all of my clothes (jeans, sweatshirt, socks). I'm light headed; the back of my head feels super weird and very warm. I grab my phone, thinking I'll call up one of my friends I had seen earlier that night to get some answers. At this moment, I'm thinking maybe we took some pills or something (was no stranger to the xanax fog). I click "Recent Calls" and am instantly dumbfounded. The calls list shows recent calls to 5 different friends, with 15-20 calls each. As I'm trying to process this, my mom comes bursting through my door screaming, "Okay, that is ENOUGH! You go to bed right now, Jish! I'm sick of this!"

*Note: Many of the following events have been reconstructed because I seriously don't remember much of anything pre and post concussion. The days following, I was running around like Leonard from Memento with a notepad interviewing anyone who had come in contact with me, trying to piece everything together hour by hour.*

So let's rewind. Earlier that evening I attended a friend's bday party, had a pal with 4WD and tire chains pick me up because it was super icy outside. The party was at a local venue, some drugs and booze were consumed (although I was not much of a drinker at this point). I do not remember much about this party at ALL, and I initially figured that I hit my head somewhere in the venue's parking lot.

Party was wrapping up around midnight, and the BOYS start rounding people up for some poker. A dozen or so folks were game, we headed out to someone's apartment close by (I had never been there). I would eventually recall this walk up to said apartment. I was leading the pack and gesturing wildly explaining some stupid story, when I slipped on the sidewalk that was covered in about an inch of ice. I remember slamming the back of my head on the pavement, immediately popping right back up, and then absolutely nothing else. For my cognizant timeline, it was hitting my head -> popping back up -> waking up in bed.

As was later explained to me, my friends were obviously very concerned. They said my head hit the ground with a loud SMACK. I seemed fine for a minute, but then started acting funny. I would get suddenly quiet, look around at everyone, and say something like, "Okay guys, I know this is going to sound crazy, but I need you to explain everything we've done tonight up until now."

Every five minutes.

Like seriously, they said this happened over and over and OVER. Someone chirped up that I might have a concussion so they should focus on keeping me awake. We went ahead and played two poker tournaments, apparently I won the first one. They said I kept doing the "Okay guys" routine, looking at my cards once things were explained, and then shoving all in. I remember absolutely none of this.

After a couple hours, someone took me home. He said he sat with me in my driveway for 30 minutes explaining and re-explaining everything to me. At some point I eventually went inside. I'm guessing I was "asleep" for only 5-10 minutes before I started the cycle all over again-- Waking up confused in my clothes, call several people to have them explain the same thing to me, then repeat. The time that my mom finally burst into the bedroom seems to be the first cycle that "stuck" in my brain, because I can still remember it very clearly now. Mom, unaware of the concussion, tells me to shut up and go to sleep.

The following day, Christmas Eve, is even weirder. The back of my head no longer feels warm and fuzzy, but it still feels very strange. My memory was still doing the reset thing, but only every hour or so at this point. I spend most of the day annoying the **** out of my family by having them repeat things. My younger brother, bless him, was the only one who continued to humor me. He's the one who suggested I use the notepad and map out my timeline hour by hour. I spend the rest of Christmas Eve doing so, this is when I actually discover that I hit my head. We had *not* taken any odd drugs, just some weed and booze.

That night, we're heading to this Christmas candlelight thing at my mom's church, and she finally reveals her hypothesis in the car. She refuses to believe that I hit my head at all, and was convinced I was just crazy on drugs the night before. In her own words, "I am a NURSE, Jish! If you had a REAL concussion, your eyes would have been dilated differently than they were! I think you were... you know... TRIPPING." For this reason, she didn't want to take me to the hospital or anything and simply told me to go to sleep. Which of course, lol, is the worst thing for a concussion.

The rest of the holiday is a strange blur. Apparently I was rather hilarious at the big family gatherings, as I had almost no filter and just kept calling people out. Over the next two weeks, my memory got less fuzzy and I was able to get back into the flow. But honestly, I was in a super weird headspace for about a month afterwards. Some friends noted a slight change in my demeanor (some actually said I was nicer now). I had just started dating a girl at school right before the holiday, but after break it was bizarre. I felt like I didn't really know her at all, couldn't remember much from before, and she said I was acting differently. We split up soon after.



So to come full circle here, the STRANGEST thing about the experience was the actual feeling post-concussion. I seriously felt like I was tripping on acid 24/7. To describe it to my little brother, I said it felt like I was just a dog sitting in the room. I was experiencing everything happening in the room: the fly buzzing in the corner, people talking in the kitchen, the TV in the living room, the cat purring on the windowsill. I could FEEL all of these things happening simultaneously, but strangely I had no internal thought whatsoever. It's like my mind had shut down and given full control to the natural brain, no introspection at all. I simply experienced everything that was happening, as it happened.

I knew that I was in Jish's body. I knew that Jish liked these things, or would react in that manner. However, I also knew that I wasn't Jish. I was just this thing in Jish's vessel. Whenever I tripped on psychs, I loved this feeling. But now, I felt tortured by it. I could not turn it off. For awhile, I wondered if I was ****ed up forever.

For this reason, I was a bit hesitant to do some psychs again. Before that Christmas, I had been going hard in the paint. Often daytripping during the week, I was actually starting to have some issues with reality (such as showing up for a class two days late). In retrospect, it's probably a good thing that the concussion slowed down my consumption.

Some time that spring, my roommate offered me half an eighth of shrooms as he was munching on some. I figured if he was gonna be up late, I might as well be too, and blasted off. As noted before, this turned into the worst trip of my life. I was instantly transported back to that terrible feeling of "Jish but not Jish" and knew I was in for a scary ride. I ended up riding it out by watching a thunderstorm for most of the night, but it was a truly awful experience. Ever since, I've been rather wary of "disconnect" type experiences. Haven't really touched anything psych related or mood altering in about ten years. I still love getting ****ed up, and do so quite often, but am always careful to keep a certain line of control. I'm terrified to let go of the wheel.

I've often said I have three defining experiences in my life that have led me to who I am today: parents getting divorced, my concussion, and my younger brother (mentioned above) dying. These three things resulted in permanent personality and philosophic changes. Being a human is an odd experience.





Interesting/funny/tragic sidenote: One of the people that I called 20 times in the wee hours of the morning, was the girl who had hosted the birthday party. Turns out, she was in the ER all night because her grandfather (who raised her) had a stroke and was dying. So, in the middle of one of HER life-defining tragedy moments, I was constantly calling her and asking her what happened that night. She had to explain to me that her grandfather was dying over and over and over.

We would date a few years later and live together for four. Life.

Wow wild story. Thanks for writing it up. Have you noticed any delayed after effects?

Great read, appreciate the effort!

I can't imagine what it would be like to be in that state. I was once desperate to experience it, but also terrified of letting go of the wheel.

I'm not sure about "delayed," but it definitely changed my outlook on life and my own existence. It was really eye-opening realizing just how fragile our perception of reality is. It's pretty scary, actually. While I never went to the doctor, I was very careful physically for the next 6-7 months. The biggest risk with this injury is a secondary concussion. Our brain is surprisingly resilient and basically all of the swelling/damage is repaired in that timeframe. However, a secondary concussion or blow to the head can result in serious permanent damage.

I gradually became more introverted after the concussion, really got back into reading books. I started making an effort to have more empathy, and began to cut ties with a lot of toxic elements in my life. I was sort of a "player" at the time, juggling several women-- I resolved to cease that behavior (with varying degrees of success, some habits are hard to shake). Overall, I think I just wanted to be more honest. This period was probably my first real experience with full-on depression as an adult.

I find myself a bit obsessive about memory, now. I can get a bit paranoid when I can't remember something obscure from childhood, wondering if its normal memory loss or self-inflicted. My older brother can't remember ****, so I'm not too concerned about it. I've taken up the mantle of family historian from my Aunt, my obsession with memory probably correlates with my passion for history.

Thinking about it, I'd say I'm relatively scared of it happening again. I consider myself pretty cautious by nature, but I'm also an uncoordinated klutz.

That's interesting. I, too, was a memory champ as a small child. Preschool age and I knew the birthdays of everyone in extended family, mom's friends, etc. Lots of phone numbers. Ive noticed in recent years my abilities have dropped off greatly, and I know it will only continue to progress. Imagining suffering from dementia is horrifying.

I'm still reasonably high from the 200mg almost 24 hours ago.

amazing share

life is ineffable, we'll revisit it.

Did ~150mg last night for the first time in a while and got high af and then ate everything at 3am.

Hahaha, this is also my go-to move.

Nice! Did you get giggly?

There were some giggles, mate.

I'm curious what unusually high af means to different folks, especially cannabis vets.

I like my high af to be couchlock body glaze coma.

lol

I get super happy and come up with amazing (dumb) ideas like texting ex lovers. I act more giggly and girly for sure. Best done in the comfort of my own home.

I've had more special highs but rare these days. Like one time I was so stoned I was able to figure out my financial planning/retirement plan for life and now don't need to worry about that topic ever again. I had a huge epiphany about expenses vs savings and buying vs renting a home

Lol, that's sick.

When I'm high AF things around me go deafeningly silent to the point my own thoughts become extremely loud and clear. This used fo be a terrible thing for years when I first started smoking and it would result in panic attacks. Now I am much more aware of it when it happens and I just ride it out. Eating your way out of it helps as well, if you can move.