What were you a failure at besides poker? You said you were successful with school, girls, friends, and health, so you basically had everything going for you except for a 140k hand break even stretch? Was it at least break even after rakeback? Over how much time?

That reminds me of George Carlin saying he would love to hear about a suicide by a guy that was happily married, w/ kids, good health and a recent job promotion. Don't leave a note, keep them guessin'.

Why didn't you use the black powder musket? At least be original.

do you think you'll ever try again?

I'm having trouble believing this because you should have mentioned being institutionalized / doped by now...

On antidepressants? If not, you should probably try them.
Still have the gun? If you do, you should get rid of it (use the normal, legal means, just make sure it's not in your possession)
Told any close friends? If not, tell your closest friend.
If you were upset enough to attempt suicide, how can you avoid tilting?

Can we get this thread locked and OP banned already?

Obvious troll is obvious.

you guys should take it easy on him. I've been playing a lot of CoD:MW, and some of my seemingly perfect shots don't kill the baddies.

I think you underestimate the damage 6 or even 8 short can to do a human at close range. The type of choke wouldn't make much of a difference at such a close range and all the shot would be grouped together still.


OP, what made the gun misfire?

Says the guy that went 140K break-even and stuck a gun to his face because of it.

Anyway, pretty terrible level. For one, no therapist would think doing an 'ask me about trying to kill myself' thread would be therapeutic.

Even if he didn't actually put a gun in his mouth and pull the trigger he might have thought really hard about it.

Usually when gun folk talk guns, they talk specifics like brand. I'm pretty sure birdshot doesn't contain 4000 pellets. I think the max is around 585. This is the first grad school bound, college grad I've seen type out "would of been". Growing cattle.

no idea how to operate one. it's long as **** too i don't think my toe would of reached.

nah, not unless i absolutely lose my mind or something. i'm a much different person than i was 2 years ago. i have since realized how much better off i am than like 90% of the world. realizing that i will never be the poker player i hoped i would be was just part of the process of accepting life.



nah tried real drugs when i first started counseling. i was open minded at the beginning, but the feeling that i got from them was worse than the symptoms it was trying to cure. i felt like a robot, completely detached and emotionless. food even seemed to taste different, almost like cardboard. that could of been my mind playing tricks on me, but it just put me in a place that i did not feel like myself.

i was never actually diagnosed with anything. i am really open about it, i have told most of my good friends and everyone in my family. i don't lose anything by telling people, if they think differently of me so what? **** em anyway. you never really know what is going on in someone's head. if i help dissuade someone from making an awful mistake or thinking about things a little different, then i'm glad i made it a little uncomfortable and talked about suicide.

people assume that the only way to treat something like bipolar disorder or any other psychological disorder is with drugs. i have had tremendous positive results through counseling. i still struggle with unhappiness, but a lot if it is maintaining perspective on the world around me.

the shell never made it from the magazine to the chamber.

clearly 140,000 hands of poker were not the only reason that i decided to do something as stupid as this. there were a few other things going on in my life, but poker is what set me off. that, coupled with the fact that at the time i sucked ass at dealing with my problems, and was much more likely to flip out in nerd rage than to objectively think about things.. basically things starting piling up, and i didn't know how to deal with them. when it was really bad, i was sleeping for up to 18 hours a day. just hoping that i could sleep for a week or two and maybe feel better by then. you've never really been miserable until you go to sleep feeling like ****, only to wake up feeling the exact same. for most people, sleep is an escape, a way to erase the pains of one day and start on a clean slate the next day, recharged. i would go to sleep tired, and wake up like i hadn't slept at all.

i used a very advanced, level 12 literary technique called "exaggeration". i don't know how to respond to the second part..contractions are weird.

Lol creedaments itt

Yeah, I definitely agree now that I've thought about it more. Still no reason not to use buckshot though.

This thread is really scary and unsettling to me. Do you ever freak out thinking about what might have been? I think that would drive me nuts - I'd obsess over the fact that I shouldn't be here.

I'm glad that the shell didn't fire, and I hope you're getting the help you need. I think it takes quite a bit of bravery to do something like this. Hang in there, bro.

Grunch.

I had a different Sopranos pic in mind after reading OP:

I'm having trouble understanding what if not poker drove you to this.

also, I know nothing about guns. You said something about cocking the gun, and that the round didn't go from the magazine to the barrel or something. Does this mean you cocked it wrong? If so, lol at calling this a suicide attempt

insane guy with lots of guns and a creed tape tries to kill himself over poker.

insane guy still has lots of guns, may still have creed tape, still plays poker.

sounds like a recipe for success.

Funcraft, I submit that your therapist doesn't know P2P like maybe she thinks she does.

I haven't read the entire thread yet. Did anyone ask you if you planned in your head how you would be found, ie by whom and did you clean your place first yada yada? Did you think about family members, etc.

Don't take that second question as any kind of judgement. I was suicidal for a while years ago (and drinking heavily). In the thick of it I had a plan to kill my Mother and then myself so she wouldn't have to go through me being dead (this ain't compassion btw - I just didn't want to feel bad when I offed myself).

If this actually happened and you told a shrink about it, you would be committed involuntarily to a mental hospital.

If your shrink did not make this happen and you killed yourself after that, he would be legally liable (your family could sue him for lots of money!).

With something as serious as trying to shoot yourself, it's not like the shrink will accept "yeah it was a rash moment but I'm over it now and it won't happen again."

i read in a book, i believe freakonomics. that when more suicides are in the news. that suicide numbers go up. hopefully all these threads wont hurt 2p2

I will say that if you were gazing at the barrel, that seems pretty ballsy. I have always imagined it as gun to temple, seems easier.

Beyond the fact that the he was a she, you are absolutely right. If someone's actually suicidal (beyond ideation) they would be 5150'd by any authority who knew by force of law (doctors, therapists, cops, etc.) Friggin' I can't believe I missed that. Suckered again.