My whole life I've always been lucky not to have any crazy neighbors, but naturally now that I finally bought a place for the first time, my luck may have run out. At the end of April, I moved into a one bedroom condo on the second floor in a building built in 1970l. Like a lot of stuff built in 1970, it's not the most well-constructed. There is some settling and the water pressure sucks. But I've seen much much worse in LA.

My gf warned me that maybe I should go knocking on doors to check out the neighbors before buying. But I was kind of in a rush and I just couldn't see myself saying no to this place.

So I think the first night I had my girlfriend over - we hung out, had some food, had a normal night. At about 11-12 we had some kinda loud sex - we wanted to christen the place well. Yeah humble brag blah blah. At about 11 months this is my longest relationship in 20 years, so I think it's impossible for anything related to women to be a brag for me.

Next morning about 8:30 I get a knock on the door. It's Mike from downstairs welcoming me to the neighborhood. Awww, that's nice. Oh but (like Columbo) there's just... one more... little... thing... "I don't know how to bring this up but there was kind of a lot of noise last night." (Picture Ross on friends when he lived with Chandler and Joey complaining about noise - but much more mealy-mouthed). Obviously the first immediate thought it - "oh crap, I've got one of THOSE kinds of neighbors".

So my first thought is the sex, which would explain why he's kind of embarrassed to bring it up and acting so wishy-washy. At which point of course I get a little embarrassed and the three of us (my gf was there) go back and forth about what the noise could have been (all the while I'm pretty sure it was sex). We had also heard some strange noises and thought maybe there was a chance Mike was hearing those too. For reference I am about 250 and my gf is about 120. I tend to walk pretty smoothly but she gets kind of animated so it's just possible she was kind of bouncing around the place.

However, eventually when we discussed time-frame - it was more like 8pm when Mike was disturbed. But that didn't come out until after Mike was done. So the more I started thinking about it, I convinced myself that maybe it was before my gf had showed up some time after 8. I was sliding a bunch of heavy boxes around. So I convinced myself that's probably what I heard, and told him so the next time I saw him.

I also asked if it was loud and he said there were no problems the next few nights. Whew maybe no crazy neighbor after all.

Fast forward to Monday night - my girlfriend comes over, I finally get my grill going on the balcony and she cooks some stuff. We have a nice quiet meal with some wine, finally go to bed about 11.

The next night I come home from work about 8pm - as I walk up the stairs to my place I see Mike's door is open. It's fairly dark inside. As I pass the door Mike comes shooting out. "Oh hey, I just wanted to talk to you... about last night... it was really loud again." Oh joy back to crazy neighbor. I really hope that he heard my car and opened his door then, and wasn't just sitting there in the dark with his door open for hours. That would be very stalkerish.

I wasn't really in the mood so I think I was kind of snappy with him. I told him we weren't doing anything more than just moving around my place, and (jokingly, but yeah not totally) maybe he should let in some of the road noise (we live on a loud corner) to block it out. The point being he's choosing what noise to get upset about. Also I went upstairs and walked across my floor with shoes and without just to see how much noise that made. He said it wasn't bad.

Based on the darkened living room I am picturing this OCD guy sitting in darkness and near silence cursing every creaking sound he hears coming from above and letting it get to him way too much. The other data point I have on him is that he has a new red mustang that he's always working on (with gloves) on weekends -- doing something with the air intake or something. I don't know **** about newer cars but I think he's got a bunch of aftermarket stuff on it. I get the feeling he has not much life and the car is his hobby.

Anyway my next plan is to get one of my friends who weighs 200+ to come over and walk around my living room with my gf while Mike and I listen from downstairs. I really want to hear how loud this is. I don't know what I plan to do if it is really loud, but at least I can tell Mike to stop being crazy if it's not. Obviously the easy out is to say "Get the HOA in here to fix those beams" but we both know that will never happen.

I really want to tell Mike to piss off and be done with it. But I'm just not that kind of person. I know that will lead to endless awkward meetings in the carport and steps, and I hate that ****. Also as much as I want to blow it off, I will think about it every time me and my gf move around the apartment. That sucks. We both own our places so we could be seeing each other for a long time.

My gut says I need to fake-befriend the guy a little and get to the root of the problem (he's got no life and probably no friends) which will alleviate his emotional need to freak out when he hears me creaking on his ceiling. My parents are in town this weekend so I think I'll try the plan with my stepdad and mom moving around upstairs while Mike and I listen downstairs. The upside is he meets my parents, sees me as human blah blah, and then hopefully feels bad about pestering me/doesn't get as emotionally upset when he hears me moving around.

Thoughts?


Cliffs: girlfriend and I have a normal evenings and move around apartment. Possibly stalkerish/OCD downstairs neighbor complains about noise. Dilemna: tell him to **** off or be diplomatic?

So he is complaining about your footsteps? I find it strange that it would only happen when your GF is over. Unless you are leaving out that she walks around in stilettos on hardwood my guess is the neighbour is crazy and the complaint is BS. Why else would their be no issues when you are home alone?

It is funny but my streak just ended as well but we both rent and I can't see them making it past the fall.

Just walking normally can be really loud in a downstairs unit. Sucks for him. Nothing you can do.

I wouldn't tell him to piss off. I'd just say 'sorry' or something every time and then try not to think about it.

suzzer,

I think he might just be playing the smart move of overreacting on purpose early and saying something before a de facto standard gets set. If in his spot you try to avoid any confrontation and not say anything until things get way too bad, it's much tougher to wind things back.

Play this to your advantage and get him to buy you a sweet rug. DWR has some I think are pretty cool.

what are you going to do? set up a monkey bar from the roof and swing all over your apartment so your feet dont touch the ground? You arent doing anything more than a normal person does, sucks for him, but it is what it is. Id just say "Sorry man, theres not anything I can do, we were just walking around" everyrtime, and brush him off.

I had one of these neighbors a few years ago. Apologized the first time he felt it had been noisy the night before because I wasn't sure if I really was or what, but then he started pounding on my wall over TV/music that was definitely NOT too loud (as in I tried turning the TV volume down for some context and honestly couldn't make out what was being said anymore).

I told him that I really wished this wasn't an ongoing issue between us, but that I think that my noise level is perfectly reasonable and that if he still thinks it's a problem then I'm fine with him calling the landlord or police and having them come by and make a judgment call about it. He shook his head and then left silently, and never really got on my case after that.

Came to find out that he would harass the neighbor in the apartment on the other side of his too, so I didn't really feel bad since I was convinced that the complaints were unreasonable. Still awkward when we crossed paths for the next two years after that though.

That's why the good lord gave us middle fingers.

Thanks guys, I like the avoid and minimize strategy. Forget the whole parents thing - that might be playing right into his hands. Diablo I too thought he was trying to set some kind of pre-emptive standard. If me and my gf make that much noise for him, imagine when I have a bunch of heavy dudes over for a poker game or football. Ugh.

FWIW - I have carpeted floors. Imagine when I put in hardwood! Luckily for him that's way down on my list. I've also been thinking about getting tile with an area rug - if I can find some tile that would look good in the whole living room. I tend to like tile in the house when I go on vacation or somewhere like FL where people have it in the house. That would probably be quieter as well.

It could be worse. 2p2er Josem has a downstairs neighbor who constantly leaves him bat**** crazy notes. He thinks Josem is leaking cocaine dust (or smoke or something) through his floorboards into the neighbor's apartment.

Kudos on a creative way to misspell dilemma.

I think that's the Queen's English variation.

Maybe it's about the sex, and he's trying to be subtle about it but it went over your head, and now he's committed to it...

You probably already know this, but when you get around to putting in hardwood, make sure you check the strata bylaws first. Often there are guidelines you have to follow to minimize noise. If you do it the wrong way they can make you tear it up on your own dime.

Kill him with kindness. Befriend him a little like you suggested.

Suzzer,

No, it's simply wrong.

http://www.dilemna.info/index.php

Thanks. I know a bunch of other units have hardwood. But I will make sure to check with the HOA first.

When my brother put hardwood flooring into his condo he just had to put an underpad of some sort underneath to deal with sound. It might even make your noise problem better depending on whats under your carpet now.

Yeah I live in a downstairs unit and I hear the people upstairs walking around most mornings and sometime evenings. And I have crappy hearing, so I know it's pretty loud. Never occurred to me to complain, just seems like standard apartment living.

Some very sweet friends of mine moved into their first property last year and the downstairs neighbours - a mother and her 20-something daughter - went on the warpath about their 'noise' as a 'constant agony'.

My friends, being nice, tried a bunch of stuff, but the neighbours eventually complained to the council multiple times, so then the friends agreed to go to mediation, and the council basically told them at that they were well within their rights noise-wise.

So my friends just told the neighbours not to talk to them again and to address any legal issues to the council. They say in retrospect they should have just told them to f off from the get-go. I would likely have done something like that from the start - I'd say something like 'I gotta live in my place, so what do you expect from me?'. For reference, they complained that they could hear the light switches being turned on, and plates being put away. Srsly.

Mrs Harris and I are lucky: a restaurant below who never finish late, the block above is owned by a couple who are 75% of the year in Italy, and the one next door is quiet and rented. Winner. We're the ones at 1am blasting music and playfighting with the dog, and have had no complaints. Luck is in.

attach those metal toes and heels on tap shoes to your house slippers.

or spread some sand out for the old soft shoe.

I don't understand your logic here. I mean, it's probably true that homeowners tend to have longer relationships than renters, but I'd just assume that it's because they're much older, on average.

Min,

That confused me too until I realized he was talking about his neighbor, not his gf.

you know far too much about mike to have just moved in. you ****ed up telling this guy anything more than 'i have no idea what you are talking about'.

lolcondos

Back in my apt days I got noise complaints written up like 10 times before the landlord came. We basically mediated the situation with the landlord. The downstairs neighbor claimed I was tromping around like elephants, slamming plates in the cupboard, etc, etc. I was just being a normal tenant. We had the landlord and the guy stay downstairs while I did my normal stuff. Landlord basically took my side on the issue.

Some people just expect to live in an apartment and never hear any noise. Most of these buildings have relatively paper-thin walls and it can't be avoided. Once the landlord sides against the complainer, the complainer usually moves somewhere else.