I have/had a very similar relationship with my mom except she had a gambling problem in addition to drugs.

There's no nice way to do it. I got so sick of her drama and self centeredness (she'd stalk my FB so i know how that feels to some degree) that i cut her completely out of my life after my dad passed.

It's hard but sometimes necessary if the relationship is doing you more harm than good. I am vulnerable to women that manipulate in similar ways, probably stems from that.

Therapy's good.

Don't be passive aggressive about this (not necessarily suggesting you are as I don't know how much of that has been communicated face to face).

Do not take lightly the choice to sever ties with family, especially your mom. While it may be a source of endless frustration, recognize that you are a huge part of her existence.

Try to set boundaries and try to communicate. Best of luck in a tough situation.

gobbo,

grunching

-first of all you the man, we all love you
-the internet realizes you don't subscribe to your mother's doings
-nuke gobbomom
-???
-profit, be happy, and do your thing.

Pretty much everybody here is bang on right.

Not talking to your mother while she's drunk and setting scheduled calls is a good start. I mean if she can't be sober for a call scheduled well in advance, then she needs to go to AA.

gobbomom,


-what started out as support turned into obsession
-let Jimmy do his thing now
-my heart breaks for your situation
-Jimmy loves you unconditionally

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

12-step groups are far from be all and end all and YMMV. But just drop in on a meeting, there's a lot of strength in just knowing that you're not the only one dealing with parental ****.


fwiw - I cut my father out of my life when I went away to college. There was no big showdown or blowout or anything. My parents divorced while I was in high school. Initially we lived with my mother but for my senior year we live with him and my step family. I knew it was going to be bad, but it only got really bad after I left and my younger brother and sister stayed behind until they had to move back in with my mom.

So I just never spoke with him or any of step-family again (not completely true, my step-brother contacted me a couple times over the years, at least once was a drunk dial) until his funeral a year and a half ago. Zero regrets.

That's not to say you need to cut your mother completely out of your life but you're a 27 year old man. You really need to learn how to set and keep reasonable boundaries, extract yourself from the drama and live your own life. Clearly if your mother is unwilling to let go, you are going to need to do this for yourself.

To quote the esteemed Mr. Seinfeld, you need your buffer!

My parents and I naturally grew apart as I aged and moved around. I love them but we don't interact much at all. And that's okay. A short visit for a day or two is enough to let them know I care.

She may feel as if you owe her something emotionally. But you really don't. You're an adult. You can choose with whom you spend your time. Lay out the conditions you need to feel comfortable and if she can't meet them, don't waste time on it. With alcoholics there comes a point I just give up. If they don't want to help themselves I don't enable it. Not my zoo. Not my monkeys.

Yeah it seems like you either need to set some proper boundaries, or give her an ultimatum. She clearly isn't stable by the sounds of it, and I don't think you should let her emotionally manipulate you like that over an over. There have been some really good posts and suggestions ITT already.
It doesn't surprise me that she doesn't have anyone to talk to when she is that destructive. If she was nice and apologetic and regretful after the fact, then that would be one thing, but when you said that you confronted her and "she told me '**** you, I'm not your slave'", then I think that is genuinely ****ed up. and I found that kind of disturbing. But good for you for confronting her, you can't/shouldn't be taken advantage of like that for your whole life, it sounds like it has gone on for more than long enough. And it's not healthy, for either of you, but especially not for you or your self esteem and your time etc.
So those boundaries can either be something like you telling her that she can't call you when she's drunk anymore, or you will hang up or just not answer her calls after a certain time at night. Or better yet, just say that only you can call her, so that it'll be when it is convenient for you, and tell her that if she guilt trips you about that, then you will have to just stop speaking to her for a while, enforce some tough love. And it sounds like maybe not having her in your life for a while might be good, for the both of you, and maybe it'll give her some perspective, and hopefully she might realise that she needs to change, especially if she wants you in her life.
Or maybe more of an ultimatum something like "if you keep manipulating me and ringing me when drunk late at night, or post online again, then I'll stop speaking to you for "x" amount of time." And then once something like that is set, it's just up to her to change or to adhere to it, or unfortunately suffer the consequence.
Some of the other suggestions like having her contacting you by email is a good one, or having a scheduled phone call rather than her just ringing you however/whenever the **** it suits her.

And lastly, you are her son, not her doormat, or her plaything, so she should treat you with some respect, and not just expect unconditional love and kindness and co-operation from you no matter how badly she treats you. It's obvious to everyone here that you care about her, and if she can't see that, then imo it's her own fault, or if she complains to you or guilt trips you about it, then hopefully you can just be secure in the knowledge that what she thinks/said isn't true, and then you don't have to feel so guilty about it, as it's her issue not yours.

Gl Jimmy.

this. i don't subscribe to loving somebody "no matter what", when they completely disregard your feelings, manipulate you, and clearly don't love you back. she might care about you, if you live or die, but she doesn't love you. If she did, she'd want you happy.

This. Much love gobbo. Always loved playing with you on Stars in 06/07.

Gobbo if it makes you feel any better I found your mom to be a pretty annoying poster.

Obvious answer is cut her out of your life for a significant period. She's not going to magically get better. Do what your sister did.

"Histrionic personality disorder (HPD) is defined by the American Psychiatric Association as a personality disorder characterized by a pattern of excessive attention-seeking emotions, usually beginning in early adulthood, including inappropriately seductive behavior and an excessive need for approval. Histrionic people are lively, dramatic, vivacious, enthusiastic, and flirtatious. HPD affects four times as many women as men. It has a prevalence of 2–3% in the general population and 10–15% in inpatient and outpatient mental health institutions.

HPD lies in the dramatic cluster of personality disorders. People with HPD have a high need for attention, make loud and inappropriate appearances, exaggerate their behaviors and emotions, and crave stimulation. They may exhibit sexually provocative behavior, express strong emotions with an impressionistic style, and can be easily influenced by others. Associated features include egocentrism, self-indulgence, continuous longing for appreciation, and persistent manipulative behavior to achieve their own needs."



Nothing can be done in terms of reasoning with her as this behavior is imprinted upon her central nervous system. The only solution is chemical doping of some kind.

lot of drastic measures itt

just ban her and make any future accounts ban on sight. you said you talk when she is sober, then tell her sorry, but you are banned, no hard feelings, pass the salt.

try not to make a big deal about it and then try to be more like your sister and just answer the phone a little less.

Gobbo,

Here's what I would do in your spot.

1) Tell her that you do not want her involved in your work, and if she wants a relationship with you, she needs to quit 2p2 and quit Twitter (or at least quit interacting w/ anyone from the poker world).

2) Tell her you won't talk to her when she's drunk.

Others have made good points explaining why that wouldn't solve your problems, but I feel like it would be a good start at least.

This is probably the first post ever i've seen from you that's not vitriolic and clueless. Of course he'd probably deal with a ton of fallout at first but she'd get the message quick if he stood his ground.

Good advice

Yea, your mom is probably(likely) an alcoholic and doesn't seem to respect you and your wishes.

Ignore her until she shapes up and if she harasses you on here, IP ban her if possible.

El Diablo explained exactly what you need to do.

The only thing I would add is that when you do these things, do them with empathy and love. Thank her for supporting you over the years.

Just subscribing to this Modern Family episode, good luck gobbo.

It sounds like she has some type of personality disorder (maybe Borderline?). The reality is that there's nothing you can do to make her right. The most important thing to do is protect yourself. Don't take her calls if you think she's drinking or if you just don't feel like talking to her. Limit your exposure to her in every way. And for God's sake, don't tell her anything that she could use to hurt you. You basically have to cut her out of your life in any meaningful way, even if you don't go no contact. Don't share anything emotional or significant with her. And even then, you may have to go no contact. She won't like this new regime and will do anything she can to hurt you.

fwiw, my mother is completely crazy. She's a pathological liar and tries to manipulate everyone against me (among many, many other things). I finally went no contact with her two years ago. My life is remarkably calm now. I only wish I had done that 10-15 years ago.

Good luck.

+1

eat a bag of dicks pain killer boy

Cut her off, you shouldn't have to deal with this ****. You don't owe her anything when she obviously is a control freak and probably won't stop until she gets serious help.

Welcome to America the ****tiest country in the world!!!! Only weird things happens out there. Your mother regardless whatever she has done or she will do you must support her even if it's wrong. It's the women who gave you birth. She loves you that's why she likes to interfere and give you a hand of help. Maybe she thinks you'r still a little kid dunno. Remember that the familily is the most important thing. If you are disunited you wont make anything in life.

Are you really being the guy trying to argue a dude out of loving his mom?

hmmmm, new account, terrible post and your other posts are spread out all over the forum. Going to go out on a limb here and say this isnt your first account and that this one is going to end up banned soon as well