Sure, but the things that are critical to your happiness are things you can afford to pay for yourself. Crying poor to your kid when you're not poor to try and get 400K out of him is completely ridiculous. Also I think there's a high chance the dad is gonna be extremely annoyed if this happens. He's happy with his 700K house, he's probably pretty proud of what he's achieved in his lifetime. He doesn't want or need financial charity from his son.

I don't see this as a charity case. If that is the case then that would change my view a little. I got the impression that the parents have more than enough equity in the house to repay the $400k and that this loan would only be to facilitate the overlap while the house is being built.

Or the fact this is the only way the mother can subvert the father.

The way I read it, Mom doesnt have access to the finances, dad refuses and she goes behind his back to do it anyways. If this were such a guaranteed loan it would be easy to get a bank to do it and not have to massively impose on her son.

The dad issue needs to be flushed out more but if it was to undermine the dad then the dad needs to address that. Obviously doing this to undermine the dad would not be an option.

I read it as mom wants this and dad isn't vehemently opposed or anything but just doesn't want to because it is a major hassle. Getting the money from the son would lower the hassle and allow mom to make a better pitch but that mom is still seeking dad's approval shows dad is still in control.

I can see how this would make it harder for the dad if he really doesn't want the new house under any circumstances but without knowing the dad's reasons it is hard to comment.

Was your mother a trophy wife?

Henry,

WTF? You need to carefully read the prior posts. You're way off base.

I re-read the entire thread. All we know about Dad is:

That isn't a lot of information. I'm not sure why people assume he is dead set against this rather than just against it but within the area where he could be sold on it.

I thought this was the important part.

I read that as if she could present to Dad that they could buy the land without taking out a mortgage that he would be more likely to go for it.

I can see how it could be read to say she plans to buy a piece of land behind Dad's back as well but that is an entirely different level of crazy and obviously I wouldn't agree with it. Dad has to be on-board with everything from the start.

From the information in this thread I see it that dad does not want to really move because its a big change and it will take some time, work etc... to move. He just does not want to move cause he is happy where is, but I think if there is a thought out plan to answer all of dad's concerns he will accept it to make mom happy.

If u have the money I say the next step is to talk to ur dad about it and see what his opinion on all of this is...

This is spot on. Dad is happy with what they have built and only sees problems with selling and starting over. He wants to continue living a calm life. Mom sees the loan as an enabler that will make persuading dad (against his desires, but for her) feasible. Dad currently refuses to talk about building a new house. Mom generally has a stronger and more endurable will than him.

They are both simple working class people from peasant backgrounds. Both have worked hard all their lives, especially mom. She worked two jobs as a cleaning lady for 30 years (and one job the rest of the years).

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Mom has all intentions to pay back the loan. Things can go wrong however so I think a reasonable EV estimate for me is -$40k if I loan them the money (since I take all downsides and no upsides). That is OK for me if it will make them happy. In addition to the EV I am not happy about investing $400k which is half of my net worth. I am really not happy about doing that for something this meaningless. But hey, I don't know.

Lending the money will make my mom happy and my dad unhappy. At least initially. It would be best if mom became rational, but maybe that isn't happening and I have to buy time like Henry is saying. If I didn't have money to lend, building a new house wouldn't be realistic and my mom would have been content with the current situation.

EDIT: Thanks for all of your thoughts on this topic. It helps to hear different perspectives.

EDIT: I talked to my dad about this a month ago. He became upset, said it was crazy, she is crazy and it's not going to happen. Then he didn't want to talk about it more.

EDIT: Maybe accept to lend the money and leave it up to my parents to battle it out?

lol wtf. You're a bigger idiot than I thought.

Anyone who bitches that much about a 700K house will bitch about a 1.1 million dollar house too.

Seriously, she lives in a more expensive and nicer house than 99% of the population, she's extremely wealthy.

In no way should you be loaning someone who is wealthy money so they can indulge some childish whims.

Your mom may be way older than you, but you need to tell her to GROW UP.

OP, I can't understand why you would consider being so cruel to your father.

Does her Plan B involve a torch and gasoline?

OP, I really do hope you give that 400K to your mom so she can blow it on some stupid piece of dirt somewhere. At least she will make the owner of that dirt happy.

THIS!!!!

Also...loaning money to family is a horrible idea.

QFT!!!!!!!!

Most peasants would be very happy living in a 700k house.

I think Thremp, Rika, and cwar are spot on. Why you're even considering this is so ludicrous to me. You show all the signs of someone who got a little bit of scratch before quickly pissing it away. First and foremost, don't lend any money to your family and friends. Just don't do it. Don't let money complicate your relationships with others. If your family and friends don't understand that, then they were never worth keeping anyways.

Furthermore, the specifics of your situation indicate:

1. Your mom is unhappy and thinks that a bigger house will make her happy (which it won't).

2. Your dad is content where he is.

3. The loan would constitute over half of your net worth.

Put another way: Why would you lock up half of your net worth by loaning it to a mentally unstable and manipulative mother and thus punishing the seemingly only sane member of your family, your father?

+1

OP, dont do it.

Are you serious? wtf

You should give all of your money to a good charity as you are going to lose it on bad investments and get swindled for it anyways at this rate. It would be a huge weight off your shoulders, i suspect.

This is so bizarre that I'm not even sure I believe the OP's story.

The numbers should probably be devided by 10 as someone having that much cash can't possibly be this dumb, unless he inherited it.