Hardly. You just got lucky by getting a $10 rebate on your stupid tax.

This is so awesome lol

Oooh, I just remembered a couple more.

Back in manchester (I moved to london ~ 3 years ago) I used to play in a place called G Casino.

I was sitting at the table, reading a magazine, waiting for a cash game, which was due to start in about 15 minutes. This man comes up to me and asks in a thick northern accent: 'ave ya got any chewing gum? i just puked up'. I just looked at him in surprise and shock and managed to say 'no'.

When the game started, the very first hand, he raised from middle position, I had AK in the small blind and reraised, he called. I missed the flop and bet out, he called. On the turn, I checked, and he went all-in for around a pot-sized bet, and to this day I still have no idea how I did it, but I 100% knew I had the best hand and instacalled him, tabled my hand before the river, and when it apparently missed him he just got up and left and I don't think anyone ever saw him again. In the poker world, at least.

In the same casino, busy on a saturday night, I raise in late position with KQo and pick up a caller in the blinds. The flop comes KT5r, he checks, I bet, he check-raises, I jam, and he calls. Again, I table my hand instantly. The turn is a T and the river an A, so the board is KT5TA. He says 'nice hand', shows a K, and then mucks his hand. I guess my expression must have been pretty blank, as the dealer seemed want to snap me out of it. No-one at the table said anything. It was like it never happened.

Not really funny, but it was amusing.

Playing at a 1/2 NL table around 4AM at the Borgata during the week. There are a couple other 1/2 tables as well. I hear some arguing and raised voices, and look over at the table to my immediate left and see a guy (we will call him aggressor) get up from the table and take a step back and put his hands up and say "You wanna go, lets go right here" and is 'squaring up'/posturing and ready to fight. He was targeting another player at the table, and I was not sure what the argument was about. His target was just sitting there looking back kind of smirking/surprised. The floor comes over and talks to the aggressor while the aggressor tries to justify it by saying that the other guy was saying stuff all night, blah blah. Despite trying to throw down in the middle of the poker room, the aggressor gets to sit back down while the floor is literally standing over the table keeping an eye for a while.

I used to play at this relatively new casino, here in the UK, where the cardroom staff were pretty hopeless (most of them were young, with no experience or backbone, and the regulars seemed to bully/intimidate the staff). I have beeen there around a dozen times and a few bizarre things have happened to convince me to never return again.

One of the first donkaments I played in was this £10 NL rebuy tournament (~60 player field). I was fortunate enough to get to the final table, 10-handed and 8 paid i think. Two hands in after the break, I am in the BB in an unraised, 3-way pot. the flop and turn checks through and the river puts a full house on the board (3's full of queens). The pot is relatively insignificant (maybe 3k with stacks ~40k) so i check, the next guy checks and the player closing the action shoves in a wild panic and we both fold. Out of the blue, the guy who shoved, sweating and red-faced screams aggressively to the table "THE BOARD PLAYS!?!" (as if we didn't know) "I'M HERE TO WIN, NOT COME SECOND, TO WIN!!!!" and flips over 2 rags. Turning to the other guy who mucked, I say "i'm not calling off my entire stack to try and split a small pot three ways when someone with a queen could possibly take the hand with a better full house - i stand to lose everything and not cash, or split a stupidly small pot." The guy who shoved again screams "WELL I'M HERE TO COME FIRST!! PLAYING TO WIN!!". everyone at the table was a bit stunned by this psychotic (drug-fuelled?) moron going crazy at what was up till then quite a mellow final table. I'm glad to say that this guy bubbled and looked like the total jerk he was. He looked like he was going have a stroke before being led away by one of his friends.

I was sitting at a $1/$2 table at Winstar a few months ago, a the whole table is trying to ignore this drunken slop. Anyway, he asks the massage girl for a massage, which is something like $1 a minute. Sorta relevant. He hands her 3 redbirds, and gets a 15 minute massage. He hands her four redbirds when she gets done, and she starts massaging again. He says, "No Slut, Thats for the Happy ending." The whole table FREEZES. I was in the middle of deciding whether to call or raise the turn, and completely lost my train of thought. He gets escorted out, and whole table cracks up once he is gone. Talk about an awkward situation when you're playing though.


And once I saw a guy at another $1/$2 table there put a pube on the table. He didn't mean to, he was scratching his balls and it just clung to his fingers to the table, but it was ****ing gross.

Playing the daily tournament at the Taj a couple of years ago:

The tournament is well underway and there is a older typical Taj degen in the 7 or 8 seat. Play is moving along with the player in the 10 seat suddenly stood up and walked away from the table, followed by the 5 and 6 seats; the dealer stops dealing and literally turns green, then it arrived, I've never smelt anything like it ever. My eyes were watering. The whole table (except the degen) jumps up to flee the ever increasing stench. The Floor comes over to see what the problem is and gags. Other tables are standing up. The floor had the clock stopped until the smell dissipated. After about 3 minutes everyone sat back down and play resumed. The degen guy busts out on the next hand and leaves. After he's gone the floor wanders over and says "buffet fart"

playing a 120$ donkament at a local poker room, drunk dude wanders over to my table after his table on the other side of the room broke, but drunk dude has the dealer button on his rack of chips for some reason. Instead of walking back over to the dealer he shouts "HEADS UP!" and throws the dealer button across the room, smacking the dealer right in the cheek/temple. The best part was everyone looked up from their respective tables when he yelled, so the entire room saw it pretty much.

haha quality. Someone shud of thrown a chip back at him.

Late night 1/2 NL at Foxwoods, and one guy is sleeping at the table. The action is on him. In his sleep, his head bops off the bumper on the table, and with perfect timing the dealer says, "That's a check".

playing at the late night/early morning daily tourny at binions. I'm at the final table as chip leader when out of no where this drunk dude comes up and gives me two beers. Tells me that I looked thristy and good luck. Got to heads up and chop (close to even in chips, card dead, and guy was better than me, IMO) ask buddy who was railing me what the hell was up with drunk guy. buddy tells me that drunk came up, asked him who he was cheering for then went to the bar and bought to beers and brought them to me.

awesome. very subtle humor. witty and not out of line or inappropiate.

So I have 2 from the last week that are pretty good: So we have a drunk redneck playing hands blind, etc at 1/2 at my "home" room. Not standard, but not unheard of.. anyway, so I was sitting right next to him and can 100% attest to this one: He doesn't look at his cards, limp, limp, limp, raise to $22 "blind raise" he says. Flop comes JJ5, check check, he bets $30. The other two fold after a bit. He flips one card, "wadda know I had the jack!" flips the other, it's the case jack (ldo) and the table kinda freaks out. Flopped quads blind. there ya go.


Another story, we have a a drunk SERIOUS donator. Older dude. I heard stories, but he used to always play 2/5 and hasn't been around in forever. The sits at my table, starts, raising , raising, raising, dude it seriously drunk, double fisting drinks. First hand goes nuts preflop, and flops set of Aces and doubles up. Then hits another big hand, then REALLY starts going nuts. LIke two limpers in front and he makes in $35 and then weird/bad calls.

Later, I double up thru him from $125 to $250, then I get a little more from another dude, have about $350 infront of me, donator has gone thru about 4 buy ins ($800), but is actually up to almost $300 right now (with two blacks, which he cashed in for and we all gave him crap -- "you know you're gonna be changing those out to bet them in like, 5 minutes anyway!").

Guy next to me has moved in on him preflop with AT etc, and dude has won (with marginal at best hands -- like Q9 and stuff. I'm OTB and maniac is in BB, early player pops to $10, call, call and I look down at TT.. hmmm, I bump to $50 to get heads up with maniac, who I'm virtually certain will call. He throws one of his black chips "raise" he hickups (literrally). Original raiser thinks and folds. Others fold, I think a bit and say "f it, I'm way ahead here 90% of the time with this guy and he might fold" and push all in, he insta calls. I'm nervous as well with $600 in the pot with this dude, but know I made the right play as the dealer prepares to flop. I'm actually proud to have made the play, because I've been running mega bad lately and it would be easy to wimp out, but It's 100% the right play with this guy. Flop is AAT and I rock my TT over and say "ship that sh*t!" then wonder if he has an A and could boat up? Turn is a J and river blank (2 or 3 I think), he mutters to himself and flips his cards over. 46 offsuit! Holy crap. $300 pre with 46. I just look at him and say "wow".

Then it gets interesting. Dealer tells him $189 more sir.. "WHAT! NO WAY I CALLED THAT" (we've been having trouble with his action all nite, trying to check when action called on him, putting in a raise that isn't enough etc. at first I thought it was an act, but nah). Dealer points at my chips, he went all in and you called sir. "NO WAY I CALLED THAT" at this point, dealer calls floor. then dealer wants my cards, I say no way (btw, I never do this, it's simply not a problem where I play.. if there is a problem and the hands can be retrieved they are and cards speak, so I'm not overly paranoid about it, but for this pot, yea).

As floor starts to come over he throw like 6 reds into the middle "is that enough" No sir, 4 more, "enough?" NO.. you owe $189 "NO WAY", floor is all up in his grill and I'm wondering what is going to happen here. Floor takes dealer explanation and says "***** give the dude his money or you never play here again" (BEST FLOOR RULING EVER!)

Anyway, I thought it was wild.

No one ever believes this when I tell this story, but it is absolutely 100% true.

It happened back in 1995 at the Hacidenda. I was in Vegas again in January for CES back when I was a video games journalist, and as per usual I spent 99% of my time in their tiny little poker room learning how to play 1-4 stud.

As per usual I'm the youngest at the table by a good 40 years and at the time there was a long waiting list for 1-4 stud because of the badbeat jackpot. It was around $70,000 for stud then and you needed quads or better beaten to win 50% of it. The winner of the hand got 25% and the table got the rest.

I'm sat in the 4 seat next to a nice old lady who's been showing me her hands when we both fold and we're both running bad. She just lost a "big" pot when her straight got cracked and the next hand comes out. She's got a 3 up and calls the bring in (it used to be a blue $1 chip back then - the winner of the last hand brought it in) while two others call. 10 up and Q up.

Next card comes out and she hits a 3. 10 hits a blank and Q hits a blank. She nudges me and lifts her hole cards to show two 3s in the hole for quads. I know what's she's thinking and I'm frankly rooting for her, but I know the chances are slim, but the two other players are betting at her, so it's not all bad I think to myself.

Fourth street comes out and the 10 hits a 10, and the Q hits a blank. Bet, call call (1-4 back then was a plethora of calling stations). Down and dirty to the river and it's bet, raise, raise, raise, and two all-ins.

She tables her quads, and the lady to her left with the 10s yells JACKPOT and tables quad 10s. Lady with the 3s is estatic to the point of tears almost, but then it happens.

Mr Q, who honestly had not played a hand till this point tables quad queens.

Because of the rules where it's the two best hands that qualify for the jackpot, she got beat out of $35,000 and had to settle for the $200ish table share. She walked out in tears and I never saw her again in all my years playing the Hacienda until they demolished it.

^^^^^^^^this^^^^^^

the next time you post something like this....please give a warning...nothing is more painful than having an energy drink shooting through the nose first thing in the morning

A mildly amusing one from the $1/3 table last night.

Seat 5 has been burning through buyins like there's no tomorrow. His current BI is down to about $50. He's buddies with Seat 4 and they've been chatting it up and splashing around quite a bit. Seat 5 says to 4 "next hand I'm shoving blind - you call?" Seat 4 says, "ok, one time. For you."

Next hand Seat 5 is UTG and shoves blind for $50. Seat 7 says, "I have to call." Folds around to Seat 4 who does indeed call. Seat 7 and 4 check it down to the river. Seat 4 turns over ten high. Seat 5 reaches down, flips over two black aces and yells "holy *****!!!" Seat 7 flips JJ, which went rather nicely with the river J, and pulls in the pot.

"Even blind my aces get cracked?!?!"

$70,000 total jackpot
$35,000 for the loser
$17,500 for the winner
$17,500 table share total

$200 table share?

Not saying this is the case here, but in my local card room they used to share the table share with the entire card room (usually between 6 to 10 tables), so the table share was very tiny compared to the winners and losers. They have since changed that rule.

Fair enough....

Anyway, might as well add my 2c as well.

Playing 2/3 NL at the local cardroom. Poor old asian guy has taken beat after beat, and reloads for $100, which is slightly strange because he had been a buying in for $200. He announces to me privately sitting alongside that this was his last $100, and I assume he is leaving after this buy-in.

However, this isnt his last $100 for the night, this is his last $100 TO HIS NAME. He has rent due for $200 the next day and made a miscalculation of how much he had left. As such, he is going to play to try and double up then go home...

He runs his 100 up to 150 without showdown. A few hands later there is a raise to 15 and a call. He makes it 45, gets one call. The flop is 7 high, and he shoves. The other guy is tanking, when the person flips over his aces, announces he just needs this money, Im saving you money, please just fold, I need this pot etc.... The other guy CALLS ANYWAY, saying the amount of pleasure he would get from sucking out would be worth the -EV.... Turn blanks, river is a 9.... Chaos ensues, the asian tries to get in a swing but misses, and he collapses to the floor in agony, eventually dragged by security...


Other then that, the same standard chunders on/at the table etc...

Did you leave the part out about the opponent having 99?

Thanks. Saved me typing it. It was for the whole room. As I said, no one ever believes me, but if you can find one of the old Hacidenda dealers I'm sure they'll confirm it. That hand became legend in that room forever after.

I did...

The villian had 99

[x] cool story bro

Swax, you make me miss SoCal more and more with these stories...

Gotta love the Normandie

She let her get there IMO.

Played 1/2 at the Taj the other weekend, drunk asian guy asked me if me and the white guy sitting next to me and I were brothers, and I said "What? No, we don't even look alike." He responded "Oh all white people look the same to me."

Last night 4 or 5 players at my table were discussing the indiscretions of the governor of Chicago.