If I folded on the flop, I say "I had a runner-runner quad draw".

If after the flop, then its "I had quads" - doesn't matter whether the board was paired.

just say something ridiculous but be as serious about it as possible.
let's say he asks you 'you had two pair right?' so you can reply 'hold'em is a crazy game. i hate it, other day I had pocket aces, i go all in , flop 7710A2 guy checks I raise he busts me, and then later I had pocket aces, i go all in again, flops a straight, he checks I raise, he busts me with K10. 8 times just last night'

so whenever he asks you a question just tell him a made up bad beat story with messed up lingo and hands that don't make a lot of sense. as long as you sound serious he should stop talking to you after 3 bad beat stories.

I usually just say, "Secret." That's it, that's all.

"pocket Jacks" has been my standard reply ever since the last thread of this kind was posted.

I only ask Alex Jacob for infromation

After a hand when someone asks me "what did you have?" I usually answer "amnesia".

Im never listening to anything, I just keep them on to avoid people like that from talking to me, I dont wanna get into hand discussions with these people.

I like to re-direct. Like "where you from?", "what you listening to?", "you a Yankees fan?" (if they are wearing a Yankees hat), etc...

Although if the guy is a bit macho, "good fold" a few times in a row will get them tilting pretty good.

I don't like lying (though at the poker table it happens sometimes).

So I ask the guy why he thinks I should help him take my money. That usually shuts them up.

If I have just lost the hand to him I also let him know its bad form to add insult to injury.

Problem is, I am also that guy. I never ask a guy who has lost a hand what he had. But without outright asking, I'll try to elicit the info from the hand winner. Something along the lines of "Wow, your bottom two held up" And more often than not his response will give me a clue if not the exact two cards. My inquiring method doesn't need a response to stop me from asking - simply not engaging in the speculation is enough. Or you could say "You are truly amazing" and we'll both be happy.

my latest reply:

"you're way better than me and you want me to tell you my hands, too?!"

Q: what'd ya have?

A: two cards

Your intent is to make them uncomfortable or tilt them. They've given you the opening to do so.

One method I like is to tell them that you'd like to go somewhere private to talk, and then place your hand on their knee or hand and squeeze softly.

They'll pretty much leave you alone after this.

DUI

+1! Loves it. I think I'm going to have to steal it.

I like to respond:

"I've got two tickets to paradise... oh-oh-uh-oh-uh-oh-uh-oh-uh-oh-uh-oh."


...or, I had an open-ended set draw. Remember if at first you don't succeed, torture them 'till you do.

QFT

Only making 4bb/100 live (~2bb/hour on a shuffling machine table) would make me cry unless it was at 10-20 stakes or higher, and even at 10-20 that seems like a weak earn.

you expect to make half on a table with a shuffling machine? plz explain, havent heard this...

I don't really talk that much at the table so I don't get posed many questions. My go to answers are "I don't remember" or "You really don't want to know". The 2nd of which is generally true.

Do I look like I bet without the nuts?

Usually just a shrug and a smirk from me if I took down the pot, or often I'll get asked if I fold after showing strength earlier in the hand then I'll usually just make a disgusted look and wave my hand, or mutter, "****ty kicker" etc.

Sometimes I'll say something like "I hit 2 pair" on a J 7 2 board and watch them try to figure it out.

I'm absolutely stealing 'open ended set draw'. Classic

LOL... I love it when the grammer police cum and get mad when du people on this here site,they get mad about us not using that grammer right.....ya see what i talk about... everyone!!! be sure to not right anything without cheking with them grammer police. ok, Thank you

grammer and spellin' on teh forums ftwinnar!!!!!!!!

although to be fair reading your post did make me dizzy

I usually ask them what they think I have.
I than tell them they were close and marvel at thier ability to read me.

This is the right answer.

I was playing with a guy for a couple of hours yesterday that clearly wouldn't call big bets without a monster.

He raised preflop, I reraised with AK in position, he called.

Flop came T high no draws. He checked, I bet, he kind of hesitated and called.
Turn came another rag. He checked, I bet, he tanked and thought for about 30-45 seconds, and called.
River came a T. He checked, I made a big bet, he thought for like 2 minutes and then folded saying he had kings.

I told him I had Aces because I wanted to encourage him to keep making big folds.

Sorry for making this a brag post...

I made a similar horrific fold against a super-LAG who reraised me preflop (I made it 25 he limp reraised to 50), after check calling the flop and turn and donk-check-folding when he put me all in on the river.

And then instead of my opp saying 'I had aces' and mucked his cards, he decided to show me KQo for King high and took down the 750 dollars in the pot.
I can't really describe what I felt but I know it was up there with one of the worst feelings you can get in a live poker game.
#$%$%% now I'm on tilt for reliving that hand