2/3 live game, V is old fishy reg.

Hero ($450) opens to $15 from HJ with A9s. V ($320) calls from BU, SB calls, BB goes all in for $38. Knowing BB is super-wide, I make it $100 to squeeze out the dead money and get HU w/BB. V tanks then calls, SB folds.

Flop AT3, I vbet. V folds his 88 face up in disgust and asks me why I'm betting when there's an all-in player? ($124 side pot lol)

When he sees my hand he starts yelling at me asking why I'm raising with that crap etc. For the next 5-10 minutes he's constantly abusing me, calling me a fish, a luckbox, an idiot etc.

I generally pride myself on being a nice guy at the table, never whinging, never abusing people, never sulking. This was my first time playing this game and from what I could tell all of them are regs, they are all weak and they are all stacked. So I don't want to cause conflict here as it could be very profitable long term.

But saying that, I don't want to just sit and get abused by some clown while nobody says anything. I also don't want to explain my play, as it's a play I use quite a lot and generally successful.

How can I deal with this type of situation without lowering myself to his level?

You sound like you give a **** what people think of you.

That's a leak.

I usually just cackle and rub chips on my titties.

"Shhhhh. I'm counting your chips."

I started cracking up when I read this and am still chuckling a little.

So true, though.

ask him if his parents are cousins, or come up with something else funny that will stop his jibberjabber.

"Hey old man, zip it or I'll break your hip"

walk over to him, and smash his chip stack with your hand so they go flying all over the floor and say "go fetch bitch"

Personally, I DO want to get abused by other players although it hardly ever happens. The more upset they become the better and I just sit there smiling on both the inside and out.

OP, you need an attitude adjustment. Don't let this stuff bother you at all or you will be always bothered.

Yes sir.. I got a lucky hit there.

I was feeling a hot flash coming.. I mean hot streak coming my way..

My brother says stuff like this it cracks me up, but he isn't playing poker when he says it...

As for the trash or abuse you were getting, always ignore it. I get it worse than anyone I know, but that tells me I might be doing something correct...or maybe not :/

'You mad bro?'

I usually try and use self deprcating humor in those types of situations. That often will cause the guy to stop, because once he vents and then realizes his words arent upsetting you, he gives up. Something like "yeah, I' m a donkey. I'll try and play better next time". Plus the players who know you played it fine will get a chuckle out of it.

But retaliating never does any good. No one else at the table wants to sit there and listen to an argument or a strategy discussion. So stick to the high ground and try and keep the mood light.

And never let it bother you. Remember, they only call you a donkey when you win. So stacking their chips should help you keep from getting upset.

Please do not tap on the glass. Apologize for your bad play and ask him if you can buy him a drink. BFF.

"My good hands weren't working, so I decided to try my luck at bad hands".

If someone keeps up a rant for more than a minute, quietly ask the dealer to call the floor (unless you are playing in a venue where floor doesn't care).

This is a good answer. Sheepishly grinning (as opposed to giving a ****-eating/obnoxious grin) or saying something like "I guess I just got lucky" can really help defuse the situation. The game will be much more pleasant for you and, perhaps just as importantly, those around you when it's being played in a relaxed, non-tense environment. Recreational players are much less likely to enjoy themselves if dick-measuring and male aggression is on full display. You don't want that.

I realize "saving face" can seem important in order to protect one's ego, but it really has no utility and reflects an insecurity that is better left ignored. And besides, mature and intelligent individuals at the table would view the situation you described and not think "Wow, that young guy is getting punked", but instead "Wow, that old guy is being a real *******". I certainly think more of a person if they don't respond to some guy's idiotic insults at the table, not less of them.

Say nothing or say "Yeah, I wanted to gamble and I sure got lucky!"

Certainly don't point out what an idiot OMC Villain is for wanting you to check it down with a wet side pot in a cash game.

"I suck at poker."

Keep saying that, especially when you stack his chips.

" Wow I lucked out there. I misread my hand big time!" Never let them tilt you like this. Let it get to them. Just be calm and self depreciating while they get worse and worse. You can get a lot of chips from situations like this if you play it right.

Lots of good answers in here! I particularly liked, "Shhh, I'm trying to count your chips."

I have responded with the full range, from completely ignoring the ranter to asking that the ranter be removed from the room. You need to have a good handle on the totality of the circumstances in order to understand what's best for the game.

If the ranter is usually a good guy/gal who is just letting off a little steam after a bad beat, I'll ignore it. If it's someone I don't know and he/she truly outplayed me and got unlucky, I'll offer to buy him/her a drink, make a little conversation, and let him/her know that I respect his/her game. "Wow, I truly did not put you on that. You played it perfectly and I got super-lucky obviously. I'm gonna grab a [beer/cocktail]; what are you drinking?" If it's someone who is a known ******* and not a big donator, I'll make fun of the person by either using self-deprecating humor as browser and others mentioned or by making taunting comments along the lines of the first line of my post. And finally, if it's a known problem child who might ruin the fun atmosphere of the game, I'll ask for that person to be removed.

Know your game and know how to protect its atmosphere.

It's actually a good thing if your opponent thinks you are an idiot. If your play puts him on tilt, it's even better.

Poker isn't about trying to impress the other players. I've seen people get upset with my PF raises too. That's their problem. Villain wanted to see a cheap flop and it tilted him because you made it expensive. And he thought you were going to make seeing the flop in the future expensive which sucked for him because his plan was to see cheap flops before he put much into the pot. But that was his problem, not yours and if you made it tougher for him to go with his gameplan then great.

When you play poker a lot of people will secretly think you play like an idiot. The only difference here is this guy opened his mouth.

Pick up one of those "When it's not longer a game" problem gambling brochures and silently drop it on his stack.

This is good.

Your goal here is to make him stop(at least that seems to be your goal anyway, which is good) so why not think of something that will get you to that point as quickly as possible.

1) Calling him names or stooping to his level just exasperates the situation plus it puts you in a sour mood, too. (I applaud you for not wanting to take that route, it's mean AND it makes you look like an ass just like him).

2) Staying quiet might not help because that often allows for the green light to keep blinking causing the old grouch to keep harping on it.

3) The self deprecating stuff usually works best! Sure, you might hear some remaining grunts and groans from the guy but usually it's enough to shut it down. And, whether he thinks you're being honest or that you obviously just don't care and won't get rattled by his crap?...really doesn't matter because the end result is almost always successful.

"Sorry, it's the first time I ever played. How much do you charge for lessons?"

The first thing I would do is assess whether the rest of the table thinks the old man is out of line with excessive ranting.