I actually do a really good Johnny Most. "Moses Malone was WEARING BIRD'S SHIRT! And Jake O'Donnell did NOT make the call!..."

My buddy growing up used to do Fred Cusick's old partner, Johnny Pierson. "You can't turn your back on Mario LeMieux, Fred..."

Oh, and right before he partnered with Cusick, Derek Sanderson lived next door to my brother for a while.

(As a fan of the Bill Burr podcast, I lol every time describes a punch in any non-hockey context as a "He gave him the old 'Right there, Fred!'")

I promise I'll shut up about sports announcers after this post...but since it took place in a poker room, the judge says he's going to allow it. Its an old post of mine, from 2008:

Stop.

No, please don't. I don't know **** about sportsball and this stuff is very interesting (probably because you're a natural storyteller, so I would want to read whatever you wanna write). Have you ever thought about writing a book? I am guessing most of your old timer stories are secondhand (because you aint quite that old yet) but they're still gold.

My great uncle was a road gambler. I am sure 99% of his stories were BS, but he drove a Cadillac, had gold necklaces nice rings and watches, and pictures with some fine looking women, despite having no regular employment.

No titled brushes in our room. Glorified brushes that can make rulings being called floor people. Often no experience in other rooms or the business, nor ever dealt, and most don't play.

4:30am New Years Eve: 1-3nl table breaks. I'm standing behind dealer to push a game (not the broken game), random NY reveler with a rack of red walks up to me "where am I supposed to go?" I tell him I have no idea of course, and he asks me to find out but the hand is almost over. So I tell him I can't because I have to push. But tell him to ask the 3 "floor people BS'ing with each other at the podium 15 feet away.

So he walks over, and a floor person stands there for 2-3 minutes trying to point out the table he's supposed to go to. All I can help think is "WALK HIS ASS OVER THERE YOU LAZY XXX**RD".

Horrible customer service.

January 1, 2016 almost had a fight break out at the table over a $40 pot. This year is off to a start.


Then I had a table where some players were discussing the new Star Wars movie. The guy in seat 4 didn't like it because "It was too unrealistic." I guess he had never seen any of them and thought this was supposed to be a documentary.

I haven't seen it yet, but I will be quite disappointed if it is realistic in any way.

That's funny; unrealistic scifi. Reminds me of that line where someone was drawing a unicorn for a show and the head guy gets mad and tells him to redo it because "real unicorns don't look like that"

Rookie question.
How do you guys peel off the first burn card and the three cards for the flop? I seem to have fallen into a fancy kind of wave of the hand which looks alright and produces a nice snapping sound, but I am concerned that I might be turning my wrist too much. Placement of the flop aside for a different discussion.
Thoughts? Thanks.

You're not a magician, don't try to look fancy.

Better to keep it simple and clear, so all can see that everything is kosher.

I heard a snapping sound during an audition once. I had someone else watching, but I didn't ask them about it, the snapping sound told me what I needed to know to not hire the dealer.

Got invited to a silly home game recently where they played all the games we played as kids ("seven card stud...follow the queen...low spade in the hole gets half the pot...and if you catch a 2 or a 3 up-card, you can steal a card from another player...") for quarters, just like we did in high school. None of these guys have ever lived near a real casino, obv.

While we waited for the last few players to arrive, one of the guys grabbed the deck and started idly shuffling. It sounded like he was trying to break the Guinness World Record for Loudest Shuffle, and he did it for five minutes. I didn't know a shuffle could BE that loud. We were playing on a wooden dining room table, and if I picked up a stack of chips and started banging them on the table, I don't think I could make as much noise.

Sometimes I wonder how much money I could have made back then playing those games if I'd folded once in a while.

Starting hand of 2, 3, 7... three different suits in a game of follow the queens... there's 50 cents I'll never see again.

Sent from my SM-N900T using 2+2 Forums

Fancy is bad, snapping sound IMHO is bad. Partly because easily annoyed people like me don't like it, partly because it means you're flexing the burn card in some way that might lead to it flashing.

Keep the burn card as level as possible, drop it straight down and make everything as simple and obvious as you can. If you want to be fancy, try to get the flop out perfectly spaced and level in one fast movement.

I did that once in my dealing career, called my floor over to show him and everything.

There is a dealer at Foxwoods that whirlybirds the river card to land next to the turn. Lost a 1,200 plo pot once on a 2 outer and I still remember watching that card twirling to the felt like it was in slow motion, and feeling sick to my stomach.

Just put it out there.

One thing that drives me coocoo for cocoa puffs. A dealer that burns then like balk turns the river, like he turns it halfway, checks what it is, then puts it in place.

I would get surveillance footage if I could ever do this dealing a live cash game.

I think I did a few times on a televised HPT final table but the fast part was definitely not a part of dealing anything when the announcer is controlling your every movement.

I do this sometimes....but never in pots with more than $6 in there.

3 yrs ago, during wsop (but not at the Rio), 2-5 PLO, 5 players to the flop with a preflop raise, with first two raisers playing in the dark. Before I get the flop out, first player bets, 2nd player calls, 3rd player calls. So I do what any dealer would do. I spread the flop face down, "action is on you". Everyone calls, and 1st player dark bets turn, 2nd player dark calls turn, So I put it out face down also. Still no board showing, everyone calls. And first player dark bets river, 2nd player dark calls, I put out the river face down, 3rd player dark calls, 4th player dark calls, 5th player says, "I gotta see a board".

I may have asked this before but could any of the experienced guys in this thread send me a PM with any dealer procedures/situations they can think of involving draw games? Thanks

That is fantastic!

Years ago at my first job there was a table which was essentially a private game, they all came in together and opened a table. I was told to let them do whatever they wanted .... well this pretty much entailed games with that feature built in. Half the time they had me dealing a board and completeing the action before anyone got hole cards (believe it or not sometimes players folded midway through the betting). Other times they asked for the board to be dealt face down. Sometimes it was river, turn then flop .... anyway lots of gaming violations I am sure .....

Not this dealer. Too easy for someone's discards to kill the board.
Remember, on the backs all the cards look pretty much the same.

Several times last night players bet/raised/called the flop and turn before I brought the flop.

That was my thought. Isn't this a state violation of some sort that could lead to firing?

Some states don't care. I'm sure badugi and Chinese poker were played in casinos before being codified by any state government. Any old school 2+2'ers remember Chow-aha?

Aces cracked night, the usual array of nits come rolling in right on time. Had this exchange with one of them. He was away from the table when I pushed in, had a Missed Blind button. When he returned, he would have been UTG, and asking a nit if he wants to post UTG is a waste of breath, so I just dealt around him.

NIT: You didn't deal me in?

YTF: (may be an innocent question, he might not realize he missed a blind, so I point to the blind button) Sorry, pal, but you were flying the bright pink Deal Me Out flag.

NIT: (pounces) But YOU didn't ask me if I wanted a hand!

(Action stops, everyone wants to see if I'm going to declare a misdeal, which is out of the question at this point. This guy didn't want a hand, he was sure to let the cards be pitched and the action get started before voicing any objection. He just saw a chance to be a nit, and couldn't help himself.)

YTF: (humbly) I apologize...

NIT: (beaming)

YTF: ...I thought you were someone else.

NIT: ???

YTF: The guy I was thinking of, has played poker before, and KNOWS he doesn't get dealt in until he posts his missed blinds.