I've been on a job for two weeks, and have become kinda good friends with the woman who sits next to me, Nancy. She, a third woman and I entered into a bet whereby the two who lost the least weight would pay $25 to the one who lost the most. I out weigh them both by 40-50 pounds. Another coworker suggested the winner be determined by percentage of bodyweight lost as opposed to number of pounds, but we all agreed that it would be too complicated, and to do it by pounds to keep it simple.
I figured that if one of them started slacking on the diet and exercise, they might try to back out of the bet, so I made it clear that once the bet had started we had to go through with it, and they both agreed. I got myself really psyched up over it, because the bet would motivate me to lose weight, and because I love prop bets.
The day after we started the bet, a new person moved into the room. She heard us talking about the bet and said that percentage lost would be more fair than number of pounds, and wouldn't let it go. Then other people started chiming in, agreeing with her. I'm getting aggrivated because she's not in the bet and it's none of her business, so she should just stfu, and I can sense that this is gonna cause one of them to back out.
I try to explain that percentage is not fair, because even though higher bodyweight correlates with faster weightloss, it is disproportionate. For example, a person who ways 100 pounds might have a basal metobolic rate of 1800 calories a day, wheras a person who weighs 200 would have a rate of 2,400. Since the heavier person only burns calories at 25% faster, it is not fair to make them lose double the weight.
She replied that it didn't matter because weight loss is determined by metabolism and not bodyweight. I responded that she just contradicted her rationale for wanting to use percentage of bodyweight, and she denied contradicting herself. I said it it was all moot, because the bet had already begun, and it was too late to change the terms. We're all lawyers, so someone mentions that it is never to late to change the terms of an agreement if all parties consent. I said I wasn't going to consent. Should anyone consent to change a bet from terms that would be favorable to them to ones that would be unfavorable?
The rest of the day, Nancy was more or less monosyllabic whenever I spoke to her. I knew she was upset. Although I was confident I was right, everyone else thought I was wrong.
The next day Nancy said she changed her mind, and that while she still wants to go through with the bet, she doesn't want to do it for money, because she wants it to be positive and supportive instead of competitive. It's funny that she should feel this way all of a sudden. I'm not sure whether she's fallen into groupthink, is angleshooting, or a little of both, but I'm super pissed off. Calling the bet off after we explicitly agreed that we wouldn't has caused me to lose a lot of respect for her. At the same time, I have to work with her, and I am sure that if I hold a grudge over this, my co-workers will think I am being greedy/petty and take her side. Perhaps I am being a bit petty, but I have very little patience for people who go back on their word.
I feel like it would be in my best interest to give her a pass, but I don't think she deserves one so it goes against my principles. What should I do?
All this for $25? In case you haven't noticed normal ppl don't like to feel "ripped off" which might be what she is feeling given that she heard all the other co-workers say body fat % lost is fairer, which it is (because metabolic rate should be an assumed constant in such cases since there is no way of verifying it). Especially since you seem so adament in keeping the bet like this, you're like the child going "LALALALAL I'm not listening" when everyone is against you. If they all want to change the terms, why not? It's not like they're trying to scam you/angle shoot, it's supposed to be a friendly bet for such a measly sum ffs. Is being a lower fav to win this bet now that important to you, even if the others involved *gasp* want to renege on a DEAL?!!!!
All this for $25? In case you haven't noticed normal ppl don't like to feel "ripped off" which might be what she is feeling given that she heard all the other co-workers say body fat % lost is fairer, which it is (because metabolic rate should be an assumed constant in such cases since there is no way of verifying it).
Point taken, however they were not arguing for % of body fat lost, because we didn't want to bother with getting body fat measurements. They were arguing it should be % of body weight loss.
I think you need to just step back and think it through again. You are getting very upset about something that was designed to be a positive. If you look at your coworker's standpoint, the same thing is happening. It doesn't matter what the right bet is, or who might be right in this situation. The key thing is that it really shouldn't be a point of contention, and it obviously is.
Step back, get everyone together and start over. Everyone take the $25 they were going to bet and give it to Haiti relief or someone who really needs it. Then get everyone to pick their own target number of pounds to lose and the winner gets treated by the losers to something (show, concert, sporting event) that everyone can enjoy. Turn it back into a fun environment instead of one where the whole thing is a point of contention.
You sound like a country boy just moved to the city.
I grew up in a small manufacturing town, where people lived by an unwritten code. If you asked a girl out, she'd reject you to your face or go out with you. Flaking didn't happen much. If someone you worked with had a beef, you'd square off somewhere after work. 9 times out of 10 it'd get broken up before anyone got a bloody nose. You'd both end up drunk in some bar and all'd be good. If you schemed someone into a sucker bet, they'd pay up and figure how to scheme you back. It'd mostly be in fun, with no serious hard feelings.
Then I moved to L.A., and the rules changed. You can ask the hottest girl out and she'll probably say yes... but she won't go out with you. Your coworkers aren't going to challenge you to a fight, they'll report you to your supervisor instead, and laugh if you get fired. Unless you're the mob, bets are promises made to be broken. Everyone smiles whether they mean it or not, and perception matters a lot more than logic.
Screw your principles and learn the game, or move back to the country.
