Let me explain. I don't want to get lucky is something I constantly say to myself internally and even sometimes outloud at the table, like when I play a hand poorly. I would rather win because I have the best hand and played well, because in the long run that is how you make money. Of course its always fun when the deck hits you, but how often does that happen?

Strangely, when I look at my sessions and see where I make mistakes it is often with decisions where the motivation factor is greed, boredom etc and the most often way to win in these spots would be luck.

i.e. Raising utg with A10, leading with mid pair on the flop, check calling the turn...thats just burning money. But I catch myself doing it because everyone else is playing hands and here I am folding. Its' really hard to tell myself, just keep folding. These others players are gambling and you are playing poker. It seems like I am left out or I a doing something wrong if I am folding. I keep thinking how are they all getting playable hands? I bet they would play this crap! And so I raise with A10 or K9 and cbet a flop in a bloated pot OOP and just spew money away. Then I look back at my session and realize if I didn't do these one or two mistakes I would have won. I would rather lose to bad luck. SO when I play like this I really DONT want to get rewarded and I even say it outloud, maybe to confirm or validate that I kinda know what I am doing, but I did it anyway. The thing is, this happens in most sessions. I have to constantly remind myself to keep playing boring tight poker and just wait.
1/2 NL live is so easy to beat and my win rate would be so much higher if I just avoid this.

I really don't know how to explain why my actions and words do not match up. I am aware what I am doing is wrong, but I do it anyway. Some part of me is trying to force things, which usually reqiures luck. And yet I say, I don't want to get lucky. When I play like crap, I WANT to lose!

Any tips to improve this?

Thanks.

The cause of the flaw you describe is the speculation itself. What benefit is there to think about the outcome of a hand. always think about what happens if you play this hand a million times. Choose the +ev decision. This is already hard enough!

And IF you play a hand badly: if you have 20% equity, you win the hand 20% of the time. Variance will even it out. You will also get a 'bad beat' 20% of the time when you are 80% ahead. I know that you know this, but I feel like saying this because you are thinking beyond the game itself. Maybe you should play the actual game again, instead of thinking beyond. GL

If I had a choice.. I'd rather get lucky every time. Alas.. I can only win by trying to get it in with the best play/hand

This is a great mentality to have. I feel pretty much the same way, and with me, it's boredom, and remembering other times that I've pulled a slick hand on **** cards.

Why do you guys even play? Play with passion ,try to play as best as you possible can every hand and focus on your own game and mistakes .Play it like you think is good don't mind others.