I don't think that the way that I handle it is right for everyone, but it works for me. I'm married, and I have two kids. Fortunately, they are older now (10 and 12), and that helps.

Also, poker for me is a hobby. I think that is an important distinction because some of the things that I do would not make sense if playing poker were a significant source of family income.

With that as background, the first thing that I do is to keep a separate poker bankroll. My poker funds never get deposited in the family bank accounts, but at the same time, I never dip into family funds to pay for poker. I play at stakes for which my bankroll is sufficient, and so my wife never has to worry if my hobby will impact the family's financial situation.

Also, I freely give information about how I'm doing. Sometimes, I volunteer whether I won or lost a session, and sometimes I just answer the question if asked. In addition, I use StatKing to keep track of my sessions, and I showed my wife where she could look up how things are going if she cares to do so. She never has, but I think that the transparency gives her some comfort. Plus, because my poker bankroll is separate from family funds, my wife is not as concerned about financial swings since they won't impact how we live.

Also, I will often, but not always, share some of my winnings with my wife and kids. When variance is kind and I'm on a run, I will give them some of my profits. Along the same lines, there have been times where I've used funds from my bankroll to pay for something special at home, such as a party to celebrate a family occassion or something new for the house. Doing this is my way of saying "thanks" for allowing me to go out and play, and it gives my family a stake in my hobby. (As a slightly humorous aside, sometimes my family will encourage me to play in order to pay for something they want: I can remember my wife one time telling me, "go to AC and win us some furniture for the kids' playroom!")

Finally, I try to play when nothing else is going on. I live about 80 miles from AC, and so I can be there in a reasonably short time on the spur of the moment. So if Saturday night rolls around, the kids plan to watch some Disney movie on TV, and my wife decides to curl up with a book, I'll ask, "do you mind if I go play cards?" I usually get the pass because playing then won't interfere with anything. The bottom line is that family time takes precedence over my hobby, but if the family is otherwise engaged, I will make use of it to play cards.

I totally agree. I cringe whenever I read stories about guys suffering with pressure from girlfriend or wife or potential wife. Believe me, you don't need it. Find someone you are compatible with. Having differences is fine, but a lifetime of pressure makes it a shorter and much less enjoyable lifetime.

I've been with a woman who hated gambling, one who didn't care, and one who plays. Guess which one I'm with now? Being with someone who knows is far easier.

Woman are like buses. There's always another coming along shortly. Cynical but true. Life is too short to spend a single minute with a woman's bad attitude.

You're young. Get rid of her and find someone who will not only make you happy, but is happy with the person you are.

I have turned a corner with my wife with this but it took a couple of things...

1) First tournament cash when I came home with 10k

2) Instead of trying to hide the money won/lost from her (as we know most non poker people have a difficult time with the ups and downs) I started to tell her with nausiating detail how much I am up/down. The funny thing is, after a few times she pretty much said enough.

It used to be whenever I went to play the cell phone would ring every half hour with the "are you winning" or "when are you coming home". Now when I go the phone never rings and she doesn't even ask how my sessions are going. It takes time but it can be done.

If they *only* see your trips to the casino as leisure visits you are always going to have a problem. My wife finally understands that going there is work and it's a much better situation for both of us.

I wouldn't stay involved long enough with a woman who had moral and/or other direct reservations about gambling, so that's not an issue.

But I have been in situations where the time spent away from them became an issue, just like buddies of mine who play golf 3 or 4 days out of the week.

I took up poker "late in life" 50 ish. Already married 20+ at the point so regular poker was a significant change up to my wife. She also has grounds to be nervous. Her father had both gambling and substance problems and she grew up poor as a direct result. I agreed to keep and disclose a complete $ score card. I go beyond that because I want to keep stats on my play for both artificial b/r purposes and to let me know when I've met my own standards about moving up. I'm sure that it doesn't hurt that I've been a winning player with a positive b/r after a reasonable start up period. In turn, she found out that she likes small slots which ='s free rooms in LV. So 3-4/yr. we really enjoy LV even tho we spend a lot a time apart there. She doesn't "get" poker and I don't "get" slots. But we each get our buzz, our food and our relax so it's all good.

But I would agree with the opinions of the pre-maritals and non-maritals that if your s/o keeps digging into you about poker (or anything else you enjoy for that matter) DTB (Dump That B*tch) is a better solution. After all, a woman's work on a man is never done. lol.

C-Dog,

Registered 2002, really surprised by this.

Did you forget meds today, or maybe someone hijacked your account when you were away from the computer?

It's simple, it all comes down to time, money and what you do outside of poker. If you are making good money at poker, spend evenings with your wife/girlfriend, at least 3/week (more if you have kids), take occasional vacations, and stay healthy (meaning regular exercise), all problems should be taken care of (in vast majority of cases).

How do you know if you're spending enough time with your family? Simple, ask. Are you making enough money, or are you stuck in a rut making middle class or lower class income without any potential to move up? This is a huge issue obviously. Are you staying healthy, both physically and mentally? Do you come back in a bad or a good mood after playing poker?

It's really easy to figure out if poker is good for you and your relationship, just compare yourself to someone else, who is making good money, getting pay raises, and coming home in the evening happy, rather than irritated.

mxp2004, are we the same person??

My experiences are almost identical except my location and I have one 3 year old son.

I mostly play small stakes home games with occasional trips to a casino (about 2 hours away) and micro-stakes online. My bankroll is separate from family monies and I am very open with my wife about my winnings and losses. It certainly helps that I am a long-term winner, but I have always kept my promise about keeping poker money and family money separate.

Not always, but often when I can, I'll share some of my winnngs with my wife. I actually keep my poker br in cash in the house. It's handy to have some cash in the house for 'emergencies'. As an example, I'll come home from work and she'll say something like "I owe your poker money $30 because I was running late to [fill in blank] and wouldn't have time to run by the ATM." It always gets repaid (I keep good records about sessions, ups, downs, and BR balance - so it's impossible for money to go missing without my noticing, but that's not the point of my tracking...)

I also make a point to keep family schedules in mind. I usually play on Saturday evenings and leave near my son's bedtime. All day is family time and the evening I'll go play some poker and my wife will usually curl up with a book or a movie. She's never up late anyway, so my poker time has minimal impact. On the other hand, if I get the chance to get out with my wife for some event/date - we'll usually know well in advance (have to schedule a babysitter) and I jump at the chance to go spend some away time with her and other friends.

This post is getting too long, but advice here is this:
1) Be honest with your gf/wife about your poker playing. Include your motivations and aspirations in your honest discussions. Address her concerns openly and directly. The thing you have to understand here is that her concerns are legitimate to her. Don't sweep them aside. If she's concerned that you'll become a degenerate gambler, then get that on the table - out in the open. Then discuss it. What are the signs of degenerate gamblerness? Do you exhibit these signs? How will she know if you are heading down that path or not?

2) Work with her to negotiate some limits on funds and time that you can both accept. Keep a bankroll and keep it separate from your family money. Be sure to establish appropriate times for family and poker. Quitting poker entirely isn't something that you are willing to do, but she's not willing to be a poker widow either. Somewhere between those two extremes is probably a workable compromise.

3) Keep your promises.

4) Respect each other.

My 2 bits. With my family asks, I answer with adjectives like "good" and "bad" "won a bit" "lost a bit". I refuse to use numbers. Not sure if that would fly in the OP's situation.

I think I confused OOT and B/M. I gave the standard OOT response. it always makes me laugh.

Do you know what I call my GF because of this poker dillema? Auntie Sam as in Uncle Sam. That usually does the trick....pay your inhouse tax!!!

i am currently supporting my pregnant gf playing full time, was playing full time before this as well. when i first started out about 2 years ago she was a bit sceptic about the whole thing but by now she has no problems with it. im always honest about my winnings / losses, not that i need to anyways since she pretty much feels how its going going to be interesting to see how it goes when the child arrives, im pretty much prepared to take a lot of time off and play whever i get the chance, which suits me fine since the grind feels a bit like a drag atm.
i think that honesty is really important towards your significant other when it comes to poker. its certainly isnt funny telling your gf that you lost 10k during the night, but by explaining how variance works and being honest about everything you'll find more suport than animosity. at least thats how it has worked out for me, guess it helps to be a winning player too..

Hey guys,

I've found that when she is happy, she is okay with me playing cards. But when she is mad at me, she is not okay with it. Why are women like this?

That's like asking what the meaning of life is. You'll get a bunch of theories but you won't get anything objective.



OP: I used to date a chick that was pretty long term who hated it when I got into poker. Poker came a good 6 or so months into the relationship, and of course, since I was just starting out I was losing all the time, so eventually I just stopped telling her that I was playing for real money.

Though, I think with her she was more concerned because her dad was a pretty serious poker player. I don't know how successful (or otherwise) he was, but I'm pretty sure there were some family problems because of it.

I just started seeing a chick now who knows I'm really, really into poker, and she's totally ok with it. She even wants me to teach her how to play, haha.

I think this chick is definitely +EV.

I agree with what a lot have posted, the ones above in particular! I guess the bottom line is that most women are just f-ing crazy!

More about me: I've been and continue to be a winning player, although not at the level I had previously enjoyed. I'd been playing before we had even met...then we were friends before we dated and poker to her at that time was ok. Then we started dating and poker was not as fine. She begrudgingly tolerated it, but she was not a fan. Got married and the topic of poker got worse. Now we have a kid on the way and it is getting even worse.

Funny thing is, everytime we "discuss" (or argue) about poker, she comes up with a different argument. Sometimes it's money, sometimes it's time spent at the card room, sometimes it's the stigma attached to it (bad example to our kid; unborn mind you) and sometimes, she just flat out doesn't like it. Now she's using the 'we need to get ready for the arrival of our baby' line as ammo to shoot down my sessions (which has dwindled to about once a month for about 4 hours).

I use to pay the "in house tax" quite a bit to keep things calm, but the effects are short lived. Now, I forego that route because it simply isn't working any more. I guess online is the way to go, but I thoroughly enjoy live more so.

Any more stories and/or feedback appreciated.

I like the guilt route, works for me best so far

Massively guilt her at every chance when she brings it up, because women are bad at dealing with guilt

e.g. "Why do you hate me doing things I enjoy? I thought you loved me, but you don't want me to be happy"

I've used this line verbatum numerous times before. The results are mixed. Sometimes it works and sometimes it just escalates our argument.

Hmm very interesting scenerios itt

I'm 23 and have been w my gf for almost 3 years now. Her and her family had a big problem with me playing, but I quickly made it apparent that their oppinion regarding poker had very little influence on me and would not dictate what I do in life. I briefly explained expectation and variance but thats about it.

After a year or so her parents relaxed a bit seeing as they expected me to turn into a broke degenerate drop out by years end. I stayed in school and did well, made some money to boot.

My gf is generally cool about it now too, she knows not to call me during "work" hours.

Her only complaint is when my mood outside of poker is controlled by how I'm running, so long as I keep that under wrap I'm free to play as much as my heart desires.

WE are the ones gambling on cards for money. Women don't really like risk, even on a game of skill.

so many pussy whiped dudes here its crazy. do whatever the hell you want to do, wow so u wont get pussy from her, get it somewhere else.

My wife is pretty OK with the poker thing. I do know that occasionally it bugs her when I have been at work all day then just want to grind for an hour or two.

At the end of the day everyone has got to have a hobby, very very few hobbies can turn a profit and even the simplest ones can cost a packet.
Thats where poker should have an edge, online its so flexible - click and your done.

I play uNL cash part time so the winnings are not going to be huge. However, I promised that whatever I do win goes into the family holiday or house improvements so that helped a hell of a lot!