So this is a gimmick account, I'd hate for anyone I know to search and read this, please keep it that way. If anyone has any advice for me, I would really appreciate it. If you want to bash me go ahead I wasn't expecting any more.

I went to uni for 3 years, hated each year, wanted to quit every year but my parents talked me into statying. I passed, got a good degree. Nearly a year on, with a $25,000 debt and looking back it wasn't worth it. I wasn't happy, nor was it fun, no where near the time of my life in any way. I did have a long term relationship during uni, from year 1 until year 3. She dumped me when I graduated because she wanted to [censored] other men (she was in her 2nd year and apparently couldn't hold out any more). I never even kissed a single girl at uni. I truly loved her.

Then my parents decided to get divorced. This was bad, I didn't show any emotion but it got to me more than people made it out to. My sister practically broke down and is on medication for depression ever since.

Then that girl I loved, she broke down. She got sectioned (literally dragged out of uni screaming smashing things up and held in a hospital for 2 weeks under psychological care) and I was pretty much the only friend that ever went to go and see her at hospital. I felt let down by all my other friends, I don't understand why no one made any effort at all to see her. I persuaded one of her friends to visit with me, and all the time we were there for the 2 hour max stay she kept telling me she was bored and wanted to go home. Anyway, I got attached again to her atm so am trying hard to keep a distance at the moment.

I had to get a job, funnily even with a decent degree in an industry with apparently a choking lack of employees cant find space for me. I applied for lots of web design jobs, I have a great portfolio, when I was 16 I set up my 1st business and was subcontracted by toyota to work on their F1 site, I wrote a university website, I set up my own business in 1st year of uni, made a lot of money, and sold it off to a company in london. Then I was a moron because I didn't understand the value of money, I blew it all. All the money I earnt as it was running I spent on going out, eating out nice places, buying expensive gifts for people, taking my family out all the time. When I sold it all the money I made I spent on a hi fi, which is fantastic, but regretable tbh. Anyway so I needed a job, and the only one i could land was in a call centre. It was depressing. Really depressing. I managed 3 weeks then I walked out because I physically could not do it anymore. I feel like an idiot because there are people worse of in the world who do worse jobs, and i was weak for giving in but it was a god awful job.

So i found another job, better paid, outdoors, driving around helping people, 2 month contract. It was good. Turn up and the job description has changed. It's now data entry. No one there is my age. Theres thousands of letters to open with the same data and enter it in. That's the next 2 months of my life. "You cant quit the job, it will lead on to better things! they will give you a good reference!" It's on par with the call centre I don't understand why I have to be working jobs like this.

Poker wise, I had a BR and played full time for 3 months after uni finished. Was doing about 3-6k hands a dayish. I was on nl25 and was making OK money, moved up to NL50 and made very good money (for me anyway). Then I had to cashout the whole thing to go on a volounteer holiday for 6 weeks (which was great). But now no poker BR. My best friend lent me £500 to stake me for a 50/50 cut, I lost half of it, got coaching, then won the losses back. I'd forgotten a lot of what I learnt playing in the gap I was off. Anyway, at the end back on NL50 I was again making good money, but the misery of losing 1/2 my br was too much of a scare for me with my friends money so I gave it all back. I want to save up for a new BR with my money in the future. He is a very good friend, no one else would lend me the money for poker, he isnt well off and lent it to me. Especially in the world you all understand of gambling with other peoples money being a taboo, he is incredibly understanding, trustworthy and has faith in my abilities.

I always entered the staking threads for the big tournaments each week, and was dissapointed every time I got pushed aside. I even worked for someone for an hour in return for a staking, which happened to be the week the staker was banned so he wouldnt stake me. Only another hour of my life wasted. So I decided to go for it myself, and entered a $11 qualifier. I came first, entered the huge tourny and was playing a superb game. I was playing a lot better than most people on my table. Half the field eliminated, 20% over the chip average I went all in with 88 ontb. I put my opponent on a small PP, he had one and called with 77. Great, an 80% chance to double up here and be well on my way to the money, but o/c he sucked out. It's no big deal but incredibly frustrating that I had worked so hard to get to that point and go out in a way like that.

Anyway, theres nothing in life to look forwards too at the moment, at all. Any money I get now I spend on drink and drink on my own in the evenings. I don't get ridicuously drunk, I just like being tipsy. I can't play poker any more because I'm not willing to let my best friend down like I very nearly did. I can save up for a new BR if I stick out my job which I will do. Life is mundane, and I'm not sure how to break from that mundanity.

When we are young we are promised good careers, the time of our lives at uni, you can run your own sucesfull business, be a pro sportsman, get married and be happy. The average number of girls slept with at 20 is 6 apparently, I've had 1 and im older than 20. Then you get older and you are lonely, in a awful job and with nothing to look forward to.

This is emo I know, but I need to vent somewhere. I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone IRL I know about everything I've been going through.

tl;dr but thanks if anyone can give any life experience advice

I'd say you're not too badly off but I can understand why you're frustrated with where you're at right now. Some observations.

1. You are in no position to seriously concentrate on poker. Get your debt taken care of first, and then slowly build up a reasonable bankroll through your boring job before you even think about that. My recommendation is that you don't borrow any more money from your friend (or anybody else) to play poker with, if you value the friendship. Especially since the possibility of blowing your bankroll is going to negatively affect your play, hence making it even more likely you lose. He will resent you for that even if he's been very understanding so far. Borrowing money to play poker is a bad habit, play with your own bankroll (extra money that you don't need to allocate for living expenses), or don't play at all.

2. If drinking is a problem for you, quit drinking. Simple as that. If you can drink socially in moderation, then its not a problem, don't worry about it. But if you're spending so much money on liquor that its cutting into your ability to pay off your debt, this is stupid and you need to cut that out. Some people find that its easier to quit drinking entirely than it is to drink in moderation, if this is you then take a stand and don't drink.

3. Sounds like you've learned something about life as far as being promised things that aren't realistic. Next time your parents try to talk you into something that you know you don't want for yourself, you can ignore them (even though they probably mean well) and do what's right for you. This is most definitely a good thing.

It would help to know the time frame on how long it will take you to save for a bankroll.

It sounds like you have serious problems that you need to sort out with close relations with your family and close friends. You may want to seek out counseling.

One thing you shouldn't do is play a lot of poker right now. Playing poker while depressed: 1. does nothing for your BR; 2. serves to inflame emotional wounds.

You have good perspective to stop playing. Also, there is nothing wrong with having a few drinks and relaxing, but try to keep it to weekends and try to get out of the house when you are doing so.

You're life will not improve because you play poker. Most poker players who are good are miserable because they don't have enough to party like a rockstar until they learn how to crush games, and that takes a tremendous amount of discipline and talent. Maybe you get there, maybe you don't, but you really want to have your life in order while doing it. Healthy life (poker) is your equation. Not Poker (wtf am I doing with my life).

You should get AIM going with a few other poker players to keep you company while you play. That's always helpful. or just play with friends. Have a support system. Having a support system in poker is so important.

I would say that poker is the mainstay of my intellectual thought these days, I love it so [censored] much. But, let me tell you this - over the past four weeks since I got my MTT game together a little better, I now advance with an average stack or close to the FT bubble / FT in a good chunk of tournaments, I have not won a big cash in about a month, I'm on a slight downswing. I also know when to take a day off and when not to because I try to mix my life up with other things. Poker has a nice file cabinet in my brain, a big [censored] cabinet, but I try to keep it in one "room," so to speak. And I try to let it lead to other positive thoughts in my life - improved decisionmaking, confidence, eloquence, etc.

Also, you want to eat healthy and work out. let me tell you - you could be chunky, fit, whatever, if you aren't eating right and working out, girls don't respond. Really, girls are just another form of animal, like a guy is. They want to make sexy time, and they respond to well maintained, natural bodies. They can basically smell it if you are keeping in shape and keeping well groomed.

As far as 6 girls / 20 y/o, well, that's [censored] depressing. If you think about it that way, whatever. Look - I go to local bars every so often where 40 year olds who probably crush that number are sitting around depressed and loud as all [censored]. I mean, how many douche bags out there [censored] and are miserable/unintelligent/totally unfullfilled. You think it's not painful for everyone to sit around 10 hours a day spewing out the same mundane thoughts/ideas/phrases, waiting to fullfill an otherwise boring day with a x% chance of getting ass at night. Get real.

Anyone can get laid, all you have to do is get the word out and something will happen. But, if you are the relationship type, well, that's a whole other problem. you should be happy that you are a relationship type, but you need to suffer for it more. Sorry - that's how it is.

Barry

You've brought all this on yourself. What do you actually want in life? Ask yourself that and figure out how to get it. That's what a man would do.

Yo, what's up bro?

I hate to agree with OnYourBike but I actually do in this case.

you need to bang more chicks, dont worry if theyre ugly, you just need to get your numbers up

Try this: find someone you can help.

Maybe they need your time, or your money, or your knowledge. Whatever it is, give it generously and ask for nothing in return.

Just a suggestion.

As for the chick count, I've had 2, and I'm 50.
I ain't complaining.

Good Luck.

His problem is a lack of resources and you feel that wasting the minimal resources he does have helping someone else is going to improve his situation?

Ah the moment of truth when you realize; there's more to living than just showing up each day.
You're young. If there's piece of advice a fatherly 58 YO can give, it would be:

Follow your bliss. Find a way to earn a living doing what ever brings you great joy yet keeps the wolves from the door. It doesn't have to bring you great riches or fame/status. Take pleasure in doing something well.
Helping others costs nothing, emotionally or finacially. You gain strength from the experience. Existentially, your search for meaning may be a willingness to engage with others, not seek isolation.

In the words of Bo Lozoff, "We're all doing time".
Live, don't settle for existing.

OP, I'm sorry to hear of your situation. I would take what 'advice' people are giving with a grain of salt...

Furthermore, you mentioned that you feel you have no one that you can confide in 'IRL'. Have you considered counseling to help make sense of what you are going through atm, and what previous events have led you to your current situation? Therapy/counseling can seem like a daunting prospect, but it may just be the thing that helps guide you back onto a satisfying path in life.

This isn't intended to be taken as advice, rather a suggestion of possible avenues you may not have considered.

Best wishes.

oh, and albeit preemptive, henry17, if you have any criticisms of my post, please keep them to yourself; I'm not particularly interested in defending anything I have said. Thanks.

If that's the case, you are on the wrong site. This site is all about arguing and defending your positions. That's how we come up with the most well rounded ideas.

Secondly, I disagree with Henry17's point - investing some time into helping others can be extremely cathartic. Basically, you have all of these issues where you are at the center. Will "you" have a girlfriend? Will "you" get laid? Will "you" make money as a poker player? That's just a ton of pressure whereas the first two concerns are natural and the third, well, is one where self-obsession tends to take over. You are also placing a pretty intense existential burden on yourself.

Have you tried tutoring at a learning center? Doing public service? Helping a friend / family member with a project where you can be of service? Having a concern toward something that involves concrete responsbilities outside of thinking about your difficult situations / whether 77 can hold against your opponent's range will probably open up some doors of thought inside your head, thereby relieving some of the pressure focused on your (legitimately) self involved issues right now.

Barry

yeh, i understand your point Barry... I was just expecting the mandatory "Psychology is BS" response. I agree that anyone can argue what they wish. I perhaps should not of taken such a defensive stance. I guess I expected to get 'flamed' for giving my input, which Henry seems to have made a hobby out of.

OP's major problem is that he is broke. The merits of helping others isn't relevant. It won't make him money and it will eat up energy and time. If I was in his position I be doing whatever it took to increase my income and nothing else.

life tends to suck a lot. stop drinking and find a way to finish off the debt the fastest way you can. put everything else aside. the next time life starts sucking again, well at least you dont owe anybody any money.

No offense to the OP, but this is so typical of how young people (as in recent college grads) think these days. My job is boring. I only banged x number of chicks. Everyone told me life was gonna be awesome and fun and I'd love my job and make lots of money. Where's all the excitement I was promised? Poor me.

It's not really the young person's fault, either. They are being constantly told by their baby-boomer parents how "special" they are, how they can "be anything". Then, they graduate and get a job in data entry. Which is pretty standard - most entry level jobs suck. They sucked back in the 1950s too, but back then everyone expected them to suck, so it was no big letdown. But nowadays everyone's been sold a bill of goods that they are "special" and think they will be getting great jobs right out of college.

Life is a lot of hard work, and a lot of it is pretty damn mundane. Hell even playing poker can get boring after a while. Even people with what you probably think of as "great" jobs probably have to deal with a lot of boring crap every day, or do stuff they'd rather not do.

You need to appreciate being alive. Seriously. You could be dead. Work on improving your situation and try not to be so negative. Best of luck.

Hey sounds like u need help.
dont know weather your depressed or just pissed at life.

i went through a stage like this a few years back,they say time is the best healer.



but look up a guy called wayne dyer he has some audio books available.
it has some religious mumbo in there but mostly its the power of positive thinking.

this helped me when i was on the edge.
Good luck i hope u resolve your issues.
oh and keep up the charity work! karma ftw

Hey gimmicklife, great post, motivated me to make an account just to respond! (i'm a huge slacker!)

I wanted to say first off congrats -- to even challenge the idea your life is not "just fine" is a huge accomplishment. Most people go their whole lives lying to themselves that life is great, everything is fine, I have nothing to worry about, etc. This is by design. As a society, we are all conditioned to be content with a life of slavery.

My only advice is to do what you really want. A distinction should be made between what you feel driven to do to in order to achieve some "glory", and what you spontaneously want to do.
For the most part, doing what you want is acting on your impulses and whims. The next time you get an urge to do something, do it without care for consequences. This is what I am working on in my own life... In fact, I just did it with this post!

Take care and good luck,

Lord Stackington

Recommended reading:
"Neurosis and Human Growth" by Karen Horney
http://www.amazon.com/Neurosis-Human...7244922&sr=8-1
"Listen, Little Man!" by Wilhelm Reich
http://ListenLittleMan.com