This list is awesome and very true. Stop being nits.

Something else I have noticed is that there is an interesting correlation between the nationality of a player, the amount he talks, and how good he plays. Americans who talk a lot at the table are almost without fail terrible poker players, which a quiet American usually knows what he is doing. Europeans are the opposite. If a European is being very talkative and friendly, I have observed that he is usually a decent poker player, while a silent European is going to do something incredibly dumb to lose his whole stack and then mumble something angry sounding as he walks away from the table.

LMFAO. Played in the Florida State Poker Championships Today.

I tried to bluff old people.
I lost quickly.

#10 is the most true thing about live poker, old people seem to think that hey have seen it all and kno so much about the game. I'm not sure why it bothers me so much because they are utterly horrible and its the most profitable thing ever. I once had a guy tell me that online poker was rigged....he went on to tell me a story about how he had played over 2000 hands at cash games online (I think he said it was over a couple weeks...the first LOL) he said that he did not win a SINGLE HAND.....like no stealing blinds or anything. I laughed in his face, he told me not to disrespect my elders and that i had no idea what poker was.


good times

Agree with most of it, but not 5,6 or 10 (and maybe not 4). Although in past years, I've found the level of discourse to be pretty brutally during the 1500s, I've actually met a surprising number of interesting people in other professions this summer, and I've always made a point of steering conversations away from poker whenever possible while at the table.

I don't understand #8. Thinking through decisions is a problem?

And #10 displays a disturbing contemptuousness for the other people at the table. I know what it's like-- it's how I feel when I'm cranky and running bad and playing online. But even so... it will probably help your game (and your experience) immensely if you didn't look at your unknown opponents as mindless robots who are beneath you and who only exist to make live poker profitable. They're people, some of them are interesting, and if you can't find something in common to talk about that isn't painful... try expanding your interests.

I didn't really read the responses, and I don't mean to be condescending; I'm just speaking from experience.

I'm not sure why so many people complain about conversation at live poker tables? Maybe you just suck at steering conversation away from boring poker stories?

I've met tons of interesting people with cool careers or stories. Just the other day I had a great hour long conversation about fly fishing with a guide and got him to offer me a free float trip (after giving me a beat of course.)

Worst case there is always the fallback of talking sports.

OP > stealth

Every one of these is spot on and hilarious.

Stealth is just a cocky douchebag who can't get laid and probably sucks live.

So true... if the players weren't so bad I might never play live.

#3 and #9 are very true and incredibly useful for the mid/late stages of tournaments.

Bond on adanthar comp,

IDK why you guys don't want to chat to your neighbors, I have a ton of fun doing this. Sometimes you meet people who give you hilarious/awesome gossip, such as the guy yesterday who told me Mark Seif is a massive sports betting degen who tries to pay people with worthless UB stock and is in big debt to a bookie and not paying.

Wow i realli hope i never come up with a series of amusing semi-serious observations! Wat is this BBV!!?????

lol, hu4rollz live!??!!?!?!

Go easy on him, at least he got 2/3 assumptions correct!

I laughed. Good job ZBT.

You might be surprised just how interesting some of these other people at the table are. Sure...many (most) might not be but I always meet interesting people in LV poker games. The sad truth that some of the most uninteresting persons you'll find at a poker game are the young players who do nothing but play online poker (or read/post about it)...the old lady that used to be one of the top Marine Biologists in the world and spent much of her life studying the GBR (just a made up example) is much more interesting.

I've tried really hard talking with people, but it's like 1 in 20 are worth talking about. At least 50% I reallllly don't want to talk to, and then there's another % that will just talk about poker and some ******ed hands.

As disturbing and douchey as it might be i completely agree with #10, so much so that I actually left WPT foxwoods early because i wanted to stab myself in the eye from listening to fish talk about how much they hate playing JJ for 14 hours

Well at least the old man gave you some pretty good advice despite you acting like a complete douche.

We are all fortunate that old folks don't mind giving us their money and don't worry about getting better because they enjoy it.

I bet it made you feel smart so it must be a brilliant idea to be an ass to them so that they stop enjoying it.

Good job sir. Good times??

sorry but just beacuse your old doesn't mean u automatically deserve respect. If you are going to blatantly lie to my face and say that u didn't win a single hand in 2000 hands of online cash then no you do not get my respect.

good times.

also to others, i actually love the conversations i get into with the players at a live poker table. Its always a great place to talk about sports, women, current events, whatever. And yeah i have met a lot of interesting people who aren't 'internet players' But when it comes to 'poker talk' It is almost always unbearable.

Do you guys actually listen to their talk about hands or strategy or beats seriously? Do you really try to have real conversations about poker strategy at the table?

Or do you just tune them out, say something vaguely agreeing or sympathetic, and move it on?

I'm bothered by the table conversation of something like 15% of opponents; the 10% who act like dicks or berate people or talk strategy and the 5% who talk nonstop about themselves. Unfortunately, most of the 10% is immature online players who think being good at poker gives them license to act superior. The 5% are a problem not because they talk about poker in an unsophisticated way, it's because they only care about their own experience. I have no problem with fish who complain about bad beats or talk poker; most of them just have a hobby and they want confirmation of their ideas about it, or just to discuss it. Most of them are decent people, indulge them a little. It's not that hard.

See here is the problem, some live poker players will talk about the same hand for >4 hours, like every few minutes they want to talk about it, and they want your insight, it doesn't matter what you do, it's completely impossible to tune out at some point because it's REALLY REALLY ANNOYING. And no other conversations are allowed to go on at the table because that guy wants to get every single persons opinion about that 1 single hand for >4 hours, the hand happened in the first level dude, get the F over it, we are now at level 6, plz die in a grease fire.

I agree with you nath, that most people at the table it's easy and fun to steer the conversations to other fun things like sports, or funny stories etc. I played 3 tournies in vegas earlier this summer and at 2 of the tables there was 1 person who just wanted to use the F word over and over berating players and wanting to talk about some stupid hand that they misplayed and they felt they were bad beat or whatever, and they wanted to talk about it for hours on end. That's what is so terrible is 1 person at a table can make all conversation completely terrible and only poker related because as soon as a fun/cool conversation between others ends they immediately want to talk about that huge hand earlier in the tourney.

this

Maybe you're sitting there for hours trying to stay awake, just so you can be the table lie detector (while playing 1/10th of the hands you’re used to). I'd rather play poker + win money.

While you don’t have to automatically “respect your elders” you can at least act like it. What if by some chance the guy has dementia or alzheimer’s or something. You don’t want to be the guy laughing at him in public because he makes some wild numerical claim. If you wouldn't feel bad about the chance of that happening now, then you will when you get older.

Several people have already suggested that you basically "nod and agree" to whatever crazy poker theory they are spouting. I'm pretty sure they are suggesting that partly because it's the polite thing to do. Plus, it's not your job to motivate them to get better or teach them.

It also helps to move on to conversations about topics besides poker and we both agree that part can sometimes be fun anyway.

In my semi-annual tracks to Vegas, I love when people try to brag about being a pro or point to a friend thats a pro at my table.

I usually just stare blankly and unimpressedly back at them and say, "so?"

sometimes I'll throw in a, "That doesn't mean what it used to..."

I love how they always stare back and do a double take, just waiting for my "I'm impressed" look to finally register. It takes almost no acting whatsoever on my part to pull this off. I'm just really unimpressed by most local "pro's." ...or at least the ones who feel the need to label themselves.


Also, as annoying as I find some people, I love agreeing with their stories of "coolers" that weren't. I have a dozen or more standby comments that I make to agree with them. I'm constantly surprised how seriously people respond to my completely ridiculous comments.

One of my favorite is the donk who can't ever fold a PP to any bet on any board from anybody. Then they eventually end up all in with like 55 on the AQJ93 3 flushed-board. My typical response is, "tough to know you're beat with a pocket pair"
...No one's ever figured out I'm not serious.


Great list. Agreed with all of it...even the less than perfectly true strat parts. I knew what you were doing and laughed alognside you. Ignore the haters.