How do you get over massive losses ?
05-19-2012
, 10:15 PM
05-20-2012
, 01:01 AM
Quote:
Was drawn here by Alex Torelli's fine blog. This was a long time ago - I wonder what has become of you?
I can say as a professional psychologist and philosopher - and a poker player - and once a Wall Street trader...
Self-forgiveness is the hardest thing to come by. Self destructive impulses (see if you can guess) cost me a career where $1m per year was easy to come by (Wall Street). This was in the 80s. Few Poker players come close to this sort of income on a regular basis. By 23, I had 'made it', by 27 I was washed up. Depression set in. It took years to recover.
Poker or no Poker this matters for the rest of your life. Until you are 'complete' with this - and by that I mean the Buddhist 'so it is' (without emotion, regret, remorse, self-pity).... it just is...
You don't want to go through life thinking 'i could been a contender' - the fact is this outcome was inevitable - it was just a question of when...
As i say to people 'there may be a 'you' in a parallel Universe with your talents AND sound bankroll management - but it isn't you - and you did the best you could with what you know'... To think 'i knew better' is BS - you did the best the real you (not a fantasy you) could do.
And, without self-forgiveness, if you start down the road again, you may well end up here again.
There is a mindset I think I've learned, and that I try to inculcate in my young son. People **** up. You will **** up - fail, let people down, miss opportunities, **** up the ones you get. In relationships, in career, in hobbies, in finance - you WILL spew.
Failure is inevitable. Suffering is inevitable. Given those facts of life, now what do we do?
(that is straight Buddhism - read 'when things fall apart by Pema Chodron')
great book - many answers in there...
Paul
I can say as a professional psychologist and philosopher - and a poker player - and once a Wall Street trader...
Self-forgiveness is the hardest thing to come by. Self destructive impulses (see if you can guess) cost me a career where $1m per year was easy to come by (Wall Street). This was in the 80s. Few Poker players come close to this sort of income on a regular basis. By 23, I had 'made it', by 27 I was washed up. Depression set in. It took years to recover.
Poker or no Poker this matters for the rest of your life. Until you are 'complete' with this - and by that I mean the Buddhist 'so it is' (without emotion, regret, remorse, self-pity).... it just is...
You don't want to go through life thinking 'i could been a contender' - the fact is this outcome was inevitable - it was just a question of when...
As i say to people 'there may be a 'you' in a parallel Universe with your talents AND sound bankroll management - but it isn't you - and you did the best you could with what you know'... To think 'i knew better' is BS - you did the best the real you (not a fantasy you) could do.
And, without self-forgiveness, if you start down the road again, you may well end up here again.
There is a mindset I think I've learned, and that I try to inculcate in my young son. People **** up. You will **** up - fail, let people down, miss opportunities, **** up the ones you get. In relationships, in career, in hobbies, in finance - you WILL spew.
Failure is inevitable. Suffering is inevitable. Given those facts of life, now what do we do?
(that is straight Buddhism - read 'when things fall apart by Pema Chodron')
great book - many answers in there...
Paul
05-21-2012
, 09:53 AM
05-22-2012
, 12:23 AM
05-22-2012
, 03:28 AM
05-24-2012
, 05:53 PM
Quote:
Hello,
I used to play pretty high stakes and lost my whole roll trying at shot at the nosebleed (~$500 000) ; its been more than a year now, i haven't played poker much but i still find myself not able to "mourn" the money I have lost. It's like it's still mine and i want it back. I cant manage to accept that its gone forever. I know it but there is still this idea inside me i can get it back by playing poker.
The truth is after losing that money i felt exactly like Matt Damon in Rounders. I had to stop or i would lose everything else, perhaps even myself. Except, i didnt lose 30K i've lost 500k, and as a student its a great difference. Above all for a philosophy student because that wasnt money earned to buy common goods, but money to buy my freedom. Money to be free to do what i want whenever i want.
Nowadays, i feel like im struggling mentally and financially. I wanna get back to poker to make a little money but i still have high expectations of myself having been a NL2K and 5K regular. I cannot manage to play those stakes but i find myself trying to get back over there. I dont want to. I dont want to live this very intense life anymore. But its still in my mind. I havent accept the fact that i have to move on with my life, move on with the idea of playing 5K NL again, move on maybe with the idea of playing poker again.
I feel ashamed also, don't know if you know the video of Steve jobs giving a speech at Stanford uni but i feel like he had been when he was fired from his own company. I'm disappointed in myself and i feel I have disappointed some of my poker friends.
I'm feeling guilty too. Guilty for having lost that much money in a very short time. Because it's my own fault, i could have move down in stakes after losing a few hundred k but i didn't.
There is a lot of bad feelings inside me, shame, guilt, i don't know how to get rid of them. Well, i sort of know, i have to move on, get over it, rebuild myself and create a new identity which wont be poker dependent.
Anyway, maybe some of few i've been where i am right now and if you have some advise for me, please do. Maybe you've been through an identity crisis too, because i think that's what it really is, i need your help to get back on my feet mentally.
I used to play pretty high stakes and lost my whole roll trying at shot at the nosebleed (~$500 000) ; its been more than a year now, i haven't played poker much but i still find myself not able to "mourn" the money I have lost. It's like it's still mine and i want it back. I cant manage to accept that its gone forever. I know it but there is still this idea inside me i can get it back by playing poker.
The truth is after losing that money i felt exactly like Matt Damon in Rounders. I had to stop or i would lose everything else, perhaps even myself. Except, i didnt lose 30K i've lost 500k, and as a student its a great difference. Above all for a philosophy student because that wasnt money earned to buy common goods, but money to buy my freedom. Money to be free to do what i want whenever i want.
Nowadays, i feel like im struggling mentally and financially. I wanna get back to poker to make a little money but i still have high expectations of myself having been a NL2K and 5K regular. I cannot manage to play those stakes but i find myself trying to get back over there. I dont want to. I dont want to live this very intense life anymore. But its still in my mind. I havent accept the fact that i have to move on with my life, move on with the idea of playing 5K NL again, move on maybe with the idea of playing poker again.
I feel ashamed also, don't know if you know the video of Steve jobs giving a speech at Stanford uni but i feel like he had been when he was fired from his own company. I'm disappointed in myself and i feel I have disappointed some of my poker friends.
I'm feeling guilty too. Guilty for having lost that much money in a very short time. Because it's my own fault, i could have move down in stakes after losing a few hundred k but i didn't.
There is a lot of bad feelings inside me, shame, guilt, i don't know how to get rid of them. Well, i sort of know, i have to move on, get over it, rebuild myself and create a new identity which wont be poker dependent.
Anyway, maybe some of few i've been where i am right now and if you have some advise for me, please do. Maybe you've been through an identity crisis too, because i think that's what it really is, i need your help to get back on my feet mentally.
One thing you should do for sure is to stay away from stakes which you can't afford to lose. Perhaps the only way you could allow yourself back to higher stakes is by starting with a minimal bankroll of say 100$ and then grind yourself upwards. If you can't do that, it probably wouldn't be worth trying with a larger bankroll anyway. If you think there's a chance that you could not control yourself from risking a lot of your money, it might be a good idea to not play poker..
I hope that you feel better about it over time whether you win any money back or not
05-25-2012
, 12:39 AM
Quote:
I'm sorry to hear about your loss.. I suppose the way I would think to get over such a loss is that past is the past. Money in the past is not a requirement for happiness today.
One thing you should do for sure is to stay away from stakes which you can't afford to lose. Perhaps the only way you could allow yourself back to higher stakes is by starting with a minimal bankroll of say 100$ and then grind yourself upwards. If you can't do that, it probably wouldn't be worth trying with a larger bankroll anyway. If you think there's a chance that you could not control yourself from risking a lot of your money, it might be a good idea to not play poker..
I hope that you feel better about it over time whether you win any money back or not
One thing you should do for sure is to stay away from stakes which you can't afford to lose. Perhaps the only way you could allow yourself back to higher stakes is by starting with a minimal bankroll of say 100$ and then grind yourself upwards. If you can't do that, it probably wouldn't be worth trying with a larger bankroll anyway. If you think there's a chance that you could not control yourself from risking a lot of your money, it might be a good idea to not play poker..
I hope that you feel better about it over time whether you win any money back or not
OP needs to examine his personal relationship with risk and gambling and decide how he wants to live his life.
05-25-2012
, 06:31 AM
QFT. Unfortunately OP, it will actually be counterproductive to talk about your situation/life mess with anyone who isn't a poker player, was, in the community, or has lost a similar life changing amount of $ doing something similar( unless your parents are nice or something). Alot of dumb/nice people will try to be nice because this is what they do( and they try). However, for the most part the average person can't understand how you made/lost the money in the first place, are either secretly and/or subconsciously jealous of that fact you did it playing a game, or they may completely invalidate you( you get this when you talk to the dumb ones and especially the relatives) and your game by saying "maybe it just wasn't meant to be, its a rough lifestyle."
Stay away from the philosophical BS and talk to as many poker players as you can, people that have been through very similar experiences( and make sure theyre ok now, so theyre no cynical and bitter lol) HS players, and just simply people who you know are much smarter than you( they qualify based on that alone). Gl
Josh
05-25-2012
, 07:34 PM
It is good advice to not risk more than you can afford to lose. Since you disagree, why don't you bet all your belongings on the local casino? On the bright side you can still play poker (and win for once) with garbadge with the new friends you'll make under a random bridge..
I can understand that the advice of earning a lot of money starting from 100$ is rediculous and terrible advice in your case. However for good poker players it would be a profitable idea.
Quote:
Whats up Matt
QFT. Unfortunately OP, it will actually be counterproductive to talk about your situation/life mess with anyone who isn't a poker player, was, in the community, or has lost a similar life changing amount of $ doing something similar( unless your parents are nice or something). Alot of dumb/nice people will try to be nice because this is what they do( and they try). However, for the most part the average person can't understand how you made/lost the money in the first place, are either secretly and/or subconsciously jealous of that fact you did it playing a game, or they may completely invalidate you( you get this when you talk to the dumb ones and especially the relatives) and your game by saying "maybe it just wasn't meant to be, its a rough lifestyle."
Stay away from the philosophical BS and talk to as many poker players as you can, people that have been through very similar experiences( and make sure theyre ok now, so theyre no cynical and bitter lol) HS players, and just simply people who you know are much smarter than you( they qualify based on that alone). Gl
Josh
QFT. Unfortunately OP, it will actually be counterproductive to talk about your situation/life mess with anyone who isn't a poker player, was, in the community, or has lost a similar life changing amount of $ doing something similar( unless your parents are nice or something). Alot of dumb/nice people will try to be nice because this is what they do( and they try). However, for the most part the average person can't understand how you made/lost the money in the first place, are either secretly and/or subconsciously jealous of that fact you did it playing a game, or they may completely invalidate you( you get this when you talk to the dumb ones and especially the relatives) and your game by saying "maybe it just wasn't meant to be, its a rough lifestyle."
Stay away from the philosophical BS and talk to as many poker players as you can, people that have been through very similar experiences( and make sure theyre ok now, so theyre no cynical and bitter lol) HS players, and just simply people who you know are much smarter than you( they qualify based on that alone). Gl
Josh
Results: 0 intelligent remarks found..
Conclusion: gtfo.
05-25-2012
, 10:22 PM
05-25-2012
, 10:51 PM
05-25-2012
, 11:03 PM
05-26-2012
, 01:53 AM
05-26-2012
, 02:55 PM
05-28-2012
, 04:46 PM
Quote:
Seriously, losing 12% of your net worth is that bad? I thought I was overly risk adverse but I guess I am a degen comparitevly
I mean, if an average well to do guy has most of his net worth tied up in say 1 house and some investment properties, and say some safe stock market investments, wouldn't he still be experiencing 12% swings?
The market can go down 12% pretty easily in a few months, and the value of properties can do the same in a year, and they are both positively correlated
I mean, if an average well to do guy has most of his net worth tied up in say 1 house and some investment properties, and say some safe stock market investments, wouldn't he still be experiencing 12% swings?
The market can go down 12% pretty easily in a few months, and the value of properties can do the same in a year, and they are both positively correlated
fml
06-13-2012
, 09:54 PM
06-19-2012
, 01:38 PM
06-24-2012
, 04:23 PM
06-26-2012
, 04:47 PM
06-26-2012
, 05:37 PM
12-24-2013
, 11:55 PM
12-27-2013
, 07:42 PM
12-29-2013
, 12:47 AM
