Encouraging start to Operation Run It Up Exclusively at Cash Tables (Just Not Too Carelessly).

High teens EV WR and WR alike in a ~3k hand session that spanned PLO, NLH 6M, and NLH FR.

This was the first time I'd played NLH FR online since before BF. It was kind of a revelation: these games (in my one day of experience) are way less reg-heavy and I felt like I just didn't need to game-select as actively (unlike NLH 6M, where I'll leave a table pretty eagerly if it's mostly regs).

But at the same time, tonight I played some pots against a NLH reg who I used to be intimidated by... and I'm honestly not intimidated at all by him anymore. I think the guy makes some terrible, expensive decisions in specific situations, and it's really encouraging to be able to identify these leaks and be less nervous when he's at the table.

By the way: I'm not rushing into NLH cash especially recklessly. This afternoon in particular I spent a few hours with GTO+ sharpening some cbet and turn sizing details and I'm just feeling really, really confident. There are still aspects of my NLH cash game that need work, but I look forward to spending time in the lab to sharpen them.

Here's hoping that cash continues to be kind to me for the rest of the month. I really hope I can get back to tournaments soon, but it was kind of nice to not be worrying about their specifics tonight.

Because even when tournaments go well, they can be frustrating. Unless you win it, it's always at least a little bit disappointing.

And, far more practically, "tournaments are a rich man's game". Even though they've actually gone great for me this month, I just really don't want to expose myself to their variance for the rest of the month (which is a very important time for me to prove to myself that this is all worth pursuing).

No MTTs, no STTs, none of it. I just don't want to deal with them for a few weeks.

I just want to play cash with relatively aggressive BRM and see what happens.

It's funny, though: with tonight's winning session (which included PLO100), I finally hit my "take shots at PLO100" figure. All's well, etc.

I think I'm done.

There's really nothing I can say that will be especially interesting.

If I'm honest about how this has all felt, it's going to sound like I overestimated my skill by either a lot or a little.

But my poker ego has been so beaten down by failure in this game that I just don't actually care about whether I'm a great player (which I honestly have every reason to believe is true from the work I've done and knowledge/approach I have) or a mediocre player (which is what this my results suggest).

Just a few days ago, I would have still been hanging on to the idea that "I've worked really hard to be good at this game and my games are beatable and I should make a lot of money if I keep at it".

But I just can't even believe that I can make some money at this point.

I've been struggling at this for so long, and I do not have a reserve of past success to treat as a cushion (either financially or emotionally).

I've played around 105k hands of cash this year and almost 50k tournament hands, and I've lost money. Not a lot, but I haven't made money.

I know that a lot can happen in that stretch in poker, but when I'm trying to build some kind of poker career I need to catch some breaks. And I really haven't. Not in any sustained way, and not for a very long time (going back far long than this year).

And I'm just out of patience. I think I've approached this very soberly, maturely, and (for lack of a better word) professionally, and the results just haven't come and I'm sitting here not feeling like it's worth any additional effort.

As much as I'm still enamored with aspects of poker decisions, I'm not having fun while I play. So that incentive is out.

And as I said, I'm not making money. And that's kind of the only other incentive.

So I'm just at the point where this feels completely unrewarding, and any pride or optimism I may have had about playing my highly-skilled(?) best against players who have obvious, major, identifiable leaks... it's just gone. I do not care anymore. I feel like I'm completely wasting my time.

I feel just like I felt last time I tried this and had to give up.

I think I was a good player then. There is no way I'm not a significantly better player now; I've spent a lot of time away from the tables working on my game.

Yet my cash EV WR this year (across 105k hands) is worse than in the past.

And my breakeven EV stretch goes back more than 105k hands.

My cash $EV line hasn't reached a new peak in 300k hands. Adding to that, my (positive) cash $EV line in more than 420k hands is (by many BRM schemes) an entire small-stakes bankroll above my USD winnings line, which is below zero.

I have consistently run worst EV-wise in my biggest games. I never caught a bankroll-redefining break in live MTTs during my last run at this. I've written in this thread about my abysmal AIPF luck.

Everything that needs to go well for me in this game for me to succeed simply hasn't.

And just as I play cash lately (for weeks now): I feel like I am playing an unwinnable game despite being at the absolute peak of my skills and despite my opponents honestly being very bad. There is not a single player I face regularly who does not make specific, consistent mistakes.

But at some point I need cards to cooperate even a little bit, and they just don't.

But who cares. As I said, nothing I can write about this will be interesting.

I'm a nobody who thinks he deserved better from poker. Like, I know exactly how that sounds.

But whatever. As I said, I have just... like... no pride about it at all anymore.

I know that I've essentially done everything I could to succeed at this, and whether it's due to simple bad luck (some forms being easier to measure than others) or an inability to see my own leaks better (or play better in general)... I haven't succeeded and I don't see why I should wait around any longer for things to turn around.

At the beginning of this year, I had a specific, evidence-based notion of the hourly I could probably achieve by playing small stakes online.

And now I am not only on the opposite side of zero from that number after more than 250 hours played this year... but I just have no confident notion of how good I actually am at this game. With the amount of work I put in this year in addition to any skill/experience I already had, I think it would have been (and may continue to be) very reasonable to assume that "very good" would be a responsible notion of how good I actually am at this game.

But again: I'm not having fun and I'm not making money, and I've literally put hundreds of hours into this (this year alone; let alone lifetime).

I just cannot muster the optimism to continue playing when I just constantly fail at this, for whatever reason(s).

So, as of this moment, after quitting my typical Sunday night session halfway through it... I expect to play no more real-money poker... maybe ever again. I don't know.

Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up and feel newly invigorated. Maybe next week I'll feel like "ah, well, I'll leave a rec-style aggressive MTT bankroll online and just play here and there". I don't know.

I do know that, in this moment, I can no longer imagine being successful at this. And some part of me is still very angry about that, but overwhelmingly I just don't care. I've tried hard enough for long enough already, and if it was going to work out for me it would have already. Whatever.

I've read your thread since this month and you sound like a very smart intelligent guy with a good work ethic. This is just my opinion but I think maybe PLO is not the best format for you mentally. Hell, I've had NLHE variance drive me insane I could only imagine what PLO would do. Take a break and brush up on some NLHE theory and get back on the field. In the grand scheme of things 100k hands is nothing. 1 to 2 months for a professional grinder. Wishing you the best of luck.

In the grand scheme of things, what's 300k-420k hands? And why tf would I sign up for 300k-420k more?

You're not being helpful, frankly.

And btw I've run far worse all-in at NLH than PLO, in BIs.

Edit: btw2, I probably shouldn't revisit this thread again. Thanks to anyone who followed along. I hope you enjoy poker moving forward and it treats you better than it's treated me. Throw this thread on the PG&C mass grave.

This bums me out.

Not much else to say I guess. GL on future endeavors!

Well if you break even or lose for 3 to 6 months then more than likely you suck. You ain't built for this game. At least you are aware enough to see it. That's a victory in itself. I ran 60 bi below ev for around 100k hands so spare me the sob story. Toughen tf up.