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Quitting Safeway to try and go pro Quitting Safeway to try and go pro

12-15-2018 , 08:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nerd e tron
There’s been some very interesting and good developments the past few days. I got a call back for a mail carrier job in Regina, and I think it would be pretty amazing to have. It starts mornings Monday to Friday and lasts anywhere from 3-6 hours depending on business. Basically, I can expect to make $300-$500 a week or $1200-$2000 a month, which covers basically all of my expenses. I can have all nights and weekends free to play poker and just go hard. I think it would be pretty awesome. It’d also be awesome to get more of a full-time gig relevant to creative writing, but this was probably my dream backup option. I’ll keep looking for better stuff but I’m hoping to land this job, I think it’d be great for the poker journey.

I feel as though I’ve been very productive since coming back. I found a gym I can go to near my place and have started eating better again. I think the last time I had a pop was on Friday which is an insane stretch for me, and I hope it’s something I can keep up. I’ve been eating less overall which I think will help with my weightloss, I try to avoid the kitchen when everyone’s home if I can.

The last interesting thing is that I’m actually seeing a movie with a girl from Tinder tomorrow. I don’t even know that I’m looking for anything remotely intimate, but it’ll be nice just to see a movie with someone even if it’s awkward. She seems cool and I’ve never met a person from Tinder in person before, so I guess that’s exciting? I haven’t been on a real date now for well over two years. Like I said, I’m not really looking for anything intimate, but we’ll see what happens I guess! Hopefully I land the job soon and in the meantime I’m gonna keep working on coach’s project (which I’ve finally started back on) and playing poker a few nights during the week. I feel like I’ve been running pretty good, so hopefully I can keep it up
Hey, i am catching up on your thread, 6betme had me sucked into his for so long i kinda forgot about yours. You got this job, right? I have had many delivery jobs in my life, they can be fun. I am glad you take advice well, such as the benefits of having a job. Also, i am in the same boat as far as dating goes. Havent been on a date in a few years. Its good that you are dating again even if its just to practice for down the road when you do want a relationship.
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12-15-2018 , 08:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nerd e tron
So the Tinder date did not go well. It definitely, definitely could have been worse. The girl wasn’t rude or anything, but she did not/could not talk. If I’m the one trying to carry the conversation, we have a serious problem haha. I was nice, tossed out some quips, made her laugh a bit. On an attraction level I was definitely not into her at all. We are just on different wavelengths and physically there was nothing going on haha. I don’t know if it was good we saw a movie or not. On the one side, we just ended up sitting next to each other for two hours and said nothing. On the other side, I didn’t have to try talking for more than twenty minutes which was definitely a blessing. We saw The Meg, definitely a dumb popcorn movie but not bad. I just turned on my screenwriter brain while I was watching and almost forgot about her lol

I think she felt similarly, texted me after to say she’s not good at meeting new people. Totally cool, but this is the end of our story. And I guess that’s what the dating world is like, hey? Tons of awkwardness and missteps trying to find someone you actually connect with. Definitely won’t go as hard to get a Tinder date, might wait until I feel some legit chemistry over texts before doing something like that again

Or I could just meet a girl at the poker tables/on the mail route. Cuz that’s where all the catches are, right?
This might be a generational thing, but maybe try talking on the phone as well as texting to see if there is chemistry.
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12-16-2018 , 04:32 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by preki
Hey, i am catching up on your thread, 6betme had me sucked into his for so long i kinda forgot about yours. You got this job, right? I have had many delivery jobs in my life, they can be fun. I am glad you take advice well, such as the benefits of having a job. Also, i am in the same boat as far as dating goes. Havent been on a date in a few years. Its good that you are dating again even if its just to practice for down the road when you do want a relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by preki
This might be a generational thing, but maybe try talking on the phone as well as texting to see if there is chemistry.
Correct, I am doing the mail job at the moment. As far as the options I had, I think it was clearly the best choice since the wage/weekly bonus translates to a roughly 40 hour/week minimum wage job with tons of exercise on top. If I weren’t so lax when it comes to food I could easily be down at least an extra 10lbs from what I am now.

Appreciate the dating advice. I would say I am definitely moreso practicing as I’m not looking for anything romantic at all. Just kind of doing it to do it. I would say I’m actually not the worst texter/talker ever. I have a lot easier time being myself around chicks than I do dudes. Which is kind of odd. All of that being said, I just started playing Words With Friends with a Tinder girl I matched with last week. Never say never, could go somewhere

As far as the poker goes, the money is easy come, easy go. Lost the full $500 I took to the casino today. With the supper I bought today, I broke even this weekend. Incredible.

The session wasn’t really a disaster. Overall I think I played okay. I was just so card dead. There were a few spots where I made some iffy calls, but there were maybe only two or three spots like that and they weren’t massive pots. Today was just death by a thousand cuts. In the last hour I got in my entire ~$150 stack with QT on QT4Q9 and ran into a guy that slowplayed the exact same hand. Scooped a solid seven bucks. Last hand someone asked me how long I’d been sitting at the table and I said a while but that it was time to go home. I rejammed 25bb with 66 vs QJo. Board ran out K787K. Runner-runner counterfeited was a solid way to end the session.

Like I said, I thought I played okay. There were no massively huge mistakes, the cards just were not my friends tonight. I’m not mad, it just is what it is. Tomorrow I can do a few things to get back on track. I can go to the gym, cook some meals for next week, and watch a few poker vids. Hopefully my metabolism has still been crushing it and I haven’t put on too much weight. I’m starting to fit into my Large-sized clothes again. Feels so good to get out of my thrift store XL stopgaps I’ve been wearing the last year. Goodnight everyone
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12-19-2018 , 02:20 AM
So today was a bit of a gongshow. Got off work early, around two, which was great. I've still been eating poorly but decided to grab lunch at the casino, redeem some of those Player's Club points. When I checked the poker room, there was one table running with an empty waitlist. I wasn't sure if I wanted to play, so I just ate at the restaurant. Afterwards I decided that, since I was here, I probably should hop in the game. Withdrew $300 from the ATM and got to the poker room as fourth on the waitlist. Waited for half an hour, no one leaving or coming in, before I peaced it back home. It's all good.

Did my usual lazy routine. Partway through a movie, I know I'm wasting my time. I really want to play some poker. So I boot up the computer, zero out my Party account, and tried depositing on Stars. Maybe I'll play some Zoom. Great news though - card declined.

Should've known that'd happen. I guess most banks, if not all, don't let you deposit on gaming sites here in Canada. So I went to the drugstore and loaded $500 on a prepaid card, the only way I've deposited in the past. Come back to my haunt, type in the info and... DECLINED

YO, WHAT THE ****

Start freaking out. Ohmygod, I bought a card that can't deposit gaming sites either. Non-refundable, I have my bank account stuck on this ****ty plastic rectangle that is ****ing useless. I don't need a videogame or fortnite skins or whatever people buy this **** for, I just need to put my money on a site and why would the banks say no and people should be allowed to do whatever they want with their money and I really should've read the fine print and god they probably made online poker illegal in Canada overnight and how am I going to make a living and the dream is dead I mean what the...

But then something dawns on me... I just need a card that CAN deposit on Stars. Then life is good!

So I go to the local Wal-Mart, read the fine print, and buy two $250 cards that will for sure for sure work. So today I lost money using an ATM for no reason and activating the wrong kind of gift card. Did I feel stupid? You bet. But by nine o'clock I had money on Stars and Unibet and all was right with the world once again.

Three-tabled NL 4 and NL 10 on Unibet for two hours, profited about one buy-in. I just wanted to feel like a poker player again, get a taste doing what I'm supposed to do. I'm still not done my course, I don't know what stakes I'll start with, there's still a lot of work I need to do on my game, but I played well and everyone wasn't a world crusher and maybe once I'm ready and putting my full heart into this I'll be okay at the end of the day.

So today was good, even if it was a gongshow. I have a phone call planned with my Vancouver friend for Thursday night. We were supposed to talk earlier in the month, but she went on a trip and I didn't want to pester her too badly. Giving myself something to look forward to, like talking to a friend, is so important to me. The fitness grind has gone sideways as has everything else in the last month or so. I know it's correctable and I'm the one that has to stand up and change it. I got off of work early yesterday too. I still did 4 hours, but I texted my driver halfway through to say I couldn't do more beyond that cuz "I don't feel too well." He's seen me exhausted, huffing and puffing in the dark after seven frigid hours and 15 clicks with a smile still on my face, happy to make as much money as I can. There was nothing physically wrong yesterday, it was just all this toxic trash in my brain. The food is a huge reason for mood, good and bad. I was just remembering, re-imagining conversations, weak moments: melting down on Mt. Yamnuska, that November night, my friend joking last weekend that I should go kill myself over a game of pool. I probably need more help than what I'm getting. I'm not in crisis, not even close, but I guess you could say I've been pretty depressed the last few weeks. Talking with my friend will be good. Going to the gym would be better. Actually cooking myself a chicken stir-fry would be the best. Actions speak louder than words, so I'll just need to do it. Goodnight all
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12-19-2018 , 05:42 PM
So today my driver told me that Friday will be my last day. Peak is winding down and I am no longer needed. Needless to say, that really ****ed up my plans lol. I still will get two paycheques, but no consistent income after that. I guess I have the month of January to focus solely on poker once again.

Gonna give my landlord my one month notice. This government job is the only reason I might stay in Regina. I won’t find out if I get it till late Jan, and with no money coming in there’s no way I’m paying rent for a wasted month like February could be. If I need to, parents said I could crash back at home for a week or two while I figure out my next step. I think I have anywhere from a 30%-50% chance of getting this job, so pretty decent chance I might be in Calgary or MTL two months down the road. Honestly Calgary is more likely, much closer and not so much culture shock. I’ll apply and try having a job lined up before I move again if I need to. I guess for now it’s time to study and play poker. Might even rip in a few Winter Series tourneys on Stars while I’m at it. At least I’ll have the full Christmas break to be back home with the fam. Guess we’ll see where I end up
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12-19-2018 , 08:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nerd e tron
So today my driver told me that Friday will be my last day. Peak is winding down and I am no longer needed. Needless to say, that really ****ed up my plans lol. I still will get two paycheques, but no consistent income after that. I guess I have the month of January to focus solely on poker once again.
Hi, just read your full thread. Similar thing happened to me. A part time job def helps having less stress knowing there is 100% income waiting at the end of the week/month. I guess in reality being a professional poker player is just about making volume and playing the right games. Ofcourse you need to study to become better. I feel like the period where you were in your 10K contract was your best period so far. Perhaps it's not a bad idea to commit to a stable. Anyway, gl!.
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12-20-2018 , 02:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nerd e tron
So today my driver told me that Friday will be my last day. Peak is winding down and I am no longer needed. Needless to say, that really ****ed up my plans lol. I still will get two paycheques, but no consistent income after that. I guess I have the month of January to focus solely on poker once again.

Gonna give my landlord my one month notice. This government job is the only reason I might stay in Regina. I won’t find out if I get it till late Jan, and with no money coming in there’s no way I’m paying rent for a wasted month like February could be. If I need to, parents said I could crash back at home for a week or two while I figure out my next step. I think I have anywhere from a 30%-50% chance of getting this job, so pretty decent chance I might be in Calgary or MTL two months down the road. Honestly Calgary is more likely, much closer and not so much culture shock. I’ll apply and try having a job lined up before I move again if I need to. I guess for now it’s time to study and play poker. Might even rip in a few Winter Series tourneys on Stars while I’m at it. At least I’ll have the full Christmas break to be back home with the fam. Guess we’ll see where I end up
that sucks, man! I was on the same end of this, but it was a min. wage job in high school for a muffin company during the Christmas season as well. When one door closes, another opens.
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12-20-2018 , 02:48 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by civothgiarts
Hi, just read your full thread. Similar thing happened to me. A part time job def helps having less stress knowing there is 100% income waiting at the end of the week/month. I guess in reality being a professional poker player is just about making volume and playing the right games. Ofcourse you need to study to become better. I feel like the period where you were in your 10K contract was your best period so far. Perhaps it's not a bad idea to commit to a stable. Anyway, gl!.
hey nerdetron, have you thought about playing PLO cash games? the swings are tough, but the players are so bad at the micros and even a little higher.
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12-21-2018 , 03:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by civothgiarts
Hi, just read your full thread. Similar thing happened to me. A part time job def helps having less stress knowing there is 100% income waiting at the end of the week/month. I guess in reality being a professional poker player is just about making volume and playing the right games. Ofcourse you need to study to become better. I feel like the period where you were in your 10K contract was your best period so far. Perhaps it's not a bad idea to commit to a stable. Anyway, gl!.
All great points and I think the structure the contract gave my life helped keep me focused on playing my best. Certainly my best poker period. Committing to a stable could bring out similar results, but to be a self-sustaining poker pro I need to develop good study/playing habits on my own as well. Plus I need a little extra dough to fall back on first lol

Quote:
Originally Posted by preki
hey nerdetron, have you thought about playing PLO cash games? the swings are tough, but the players are so bad at the micros and even a little higher.
I've definitely thought about it. I think at this point everyone is okay-to-good skill wise when it comes to NLHE. Not many fish out there in the world it feels like. I would definitely consider PLO cash, but PLO is admittedly a game I know nothing about. I don't know good starting hands, strategies, and I'm even a little iffy on the rules themselves. Perhaps I could give it a shot and add it to my arsenal, but I might save that for a little farther down the road.


As far as life updates go, my friend and I didn't end up talking tonight. She didn't forget, but she basically had a half hour window for us to talk between all her other commitments. I basically said we could just talk some other day. I know she's a busy person and I'm not overly upset about it. I'm much better at injecting logic into these situations than I used to be. We'll get in touch at some point. It is what it is.

Also, after some more thinking I've decided I should probably get more counselling. I hate to self-diagnose, but something is definitely not quite right with my brain. Obviously lol I've tried every normal, natural way of managing it and I have had varied success, but it keeps gnawing at me. Genuinely worried I could have PTSD or some **** like that. Of course I got that from the web, but these intrusive memories I've been having are not normal. Today I was delivering to a school and as I was walking to the doors I saw some black-haired kid with his head down on the swing set. Took me back to swinging in the park that November night, looking at the Vancouver skyline through the rain in my white Ryan Smyth jersey. There are so many things that will remind me about the past, and I'm always stuck thinking about it. The toxic part of my brain has convinced myself in the past that I'm always thinking about the past because I want to be sick, I don't want to get better. Which is crazy. Obviously I'm trying to get better, that's what this entire thread/journey has been about. Maybe there is a clinical reason for these thoughts tho, a treatable reason. I just think I need some help figuring out what exactly is wrong with me and what actions I can take to try bettering it. Like I've said, I've done all of the normal stuff and I still have a lot of unwanted thoughts. Gonna have a month of downtime so if I can gain a mental edge on where I am now, that could help with discipline and consistency and all that in the poker areas of my life.

I'll have to ask my parents to help me money-wise on that front. I hate to do it because I hate being weak like that. Weak is both an accurate and inaccurate way to describe myself. I know that I'm strong and I have a lot of character, but I have plenty of flaws too. Sucks to ask your parents for help even though I'm 90% sure they'll support me. They raised me and I was always the smartest kid with the brightest future and sometimes it doesn't seem like there's much of a future anymore. I know I'm doing what I need to do as a person. It'd just be nice if it wasn't this hard. Since I have January off, I realized I could spend time out at my grandparents place too if I want, maybe a week or so. I'd really like that. We'll see what happens, goodnight
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12-21-2018 , 10:31 AM
On the poker front : I play a variety of games for a living. Like a lot. From midstakes NLHE and PLO online to highstakes live MTTs to a mixture of NLHE and PLO live cash games, and I would highly recommend pursuing the route that you set yourself on (learning NLHE cash games) as opposed to spreading yourself to thinly (looking into PLO). Eventually it is essential to learn a few games. But I feel that the softest way to make a decent amount of monies nowadays, remains NLHE live cash games (from your holdem background). Although you will see once in Calgary that PLO has become (almost) the game of choice over there (still a ton of NLHE though).

On the depression front : man, it is tough to get out of those cyclical patterns of revisiting the past and its depressive components... It takes very little to stimulate that depressive nature of self when it is the dark Canadian winter outside, people are morose in general and then you yourself have a natural depressive inclination... The brain creates these patterns and years and years of depressive indulgence enforces it. I really empathize, as beating depression was the hardest thing I ever did in my life.

Speaking of Calgary, I am going to do a 20 day meditation retreat in March and will thus also spend a few days in the city hanging out/playing some PLO. Let me know if you want to grab a coffee bro. Peace.
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12-22-2018 , 08:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dubnjoy000
Speaking of Calgary, I am going to do a 20 day meditation retreat in March and will thus also spend a few days in the city hanging out/playing some PLO. Let me know if you want to grab a coffee bro. Peace.
Thanks for the reply Dub. Definitely need to focus on one thing first before spreading myself too thin. Starting to get the idea that my best bet for success may be working a 2-3 day/week job while playing MTTs with backing. May need to wait a month or two to know exactly where I’m gonna be/if I have a job, but I’m beginning to think that waiting too long will only hurt my chances. I feel I have a realistic chance at success and I chose MTTs because they were my first poker passion. Still have a while here to pursue the NLH cash, but may slip over to the MTT grind again depending on how things pan out. Appreciate the thoughts on depression as well. I feel like the cold weather doesn’t affect me as bad as Vancouver rain did when it comes to seasonal depression. I understand it’s going to take some work but I know I’m still doing the right stuff. Coffee sounds good if we’re both in Calgary same time

Talked to my mom today about getting more counselling, had a bit of a heart-to-heart. It was a little limited, she was trying to talk to me about how it’s important to forgive to move on or accept this and accept that which is not necessarily bad advice, but that’s not really my issue. I’ve forgiven my ex, even gotten on good terms with her. I accept everything that’s happened. Bad memories and bad thoughts still persist tho almost as a habit. Talking it out isn’t going to move the needle so much as figuring a way to try and treat persistent memories, persistent bad thoughts, if there is a way to do it. Not sure but we’ll see

By the way, thrashed the fam in three games of Scrabble last night, stole a win late in the first 4-handed game by playing “POUTINE” for a bingo. Smoked dad and sister’s boyfriend the last two. Grandparents are coming in tonight so the official game at the dinner table will be canasta. Looking forward to a festive/fun next couple of days. Merry Christmas everyone!
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12-23-2018 , 04:20 AM
Heyo. Been doing some thinking and I think full-time poker again might be the right thing for me, regardless of whether or not I get offered the government job. Really, what does the job do for me? It gives me a consistent paycheque, but deprives me of the opportunity to play poker full-time. I would be in an office in a city I don’t want to live in for months and months just saving money to make a run at poker. Really, that’s why I’m doing this! I have several thousand in the bank. If I get a job in Calgary, move there, work 2-3 days to cover a portion of my bills while maybe doing some night grind poker shifts to get my needed volume, I will give myself a better chance at success. I know myself as a person, and I know that I can half-ass an idea or a dream for a long time. I’ve been half-assing the poker dream since August. Realistically, it took several months just to get to the point where I felt like I was crushing. I genuinely believe I can succeed at MTTs, but I need to give myself that opportunity again. I can’t half-ass poker forever because I don’t want to be a 30 year old guy that has a dream of becoming a poker pro while going to work five days a week in a cubicle. I’m supposed to do more than that. I can give poker my full go again, and at the end I can walk away knowing I gave it an honest go with no regrets, whether I’m successful or not. Then I can pursue writing, or go to school for something a smart kid is supposed to do in the first place. A government office job will not move the needle in my life. All it does is delay me from committing to poker again, which is what I really need to do. I messaged my former coach just to let him know what I was thinking. This is probably the GTO play for me I think

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nerd e tron
By the way, thrashed the fam in three games of Scrabble last night, stole a win late in the first 4-handed game by playing “POUTINE” for a bingo. Smoked dad and sister’s boyfriend the last two. Grandparents are coming in tonight so the official game at the dinner table will be canasta. Looking forward to a festive/fun next couple of days. Merry Christmas everyone!
Also, just to let you know I steamrolled my dad and grandma in our canasta game tonight. I was a total dick grandson and slowrolled them twice. My competitive juices get flowing when victory is on the line. That’s when I have bloodlust, when I’m going for first place. Maybe that’s why MTTs are what I was drawn to. I love cash games, but they’re a different beast and compliment a different personality better than mine. I love the feeling of crushing someone’s soul in a trivial game, and knocking someone out of a tournament fills that need more for me than scooping another ho-hum $70 pot. I know I’ve kind of been all over the place, but I’m starting to feel the MTT hype train going off again. One real, solid kick at the can again and then I can hang up the mouse for good.

Also another quick thing I thought of... the brilliant idea to not take my TV/XBOX with me wherever I end up going. I play videogames sometimes, but I waste so much time watching netflix and tv shows and my random collection of blu-rays/DVDs. It feels wrong for me watching on my computer. And I’m sure I’d still waste time netflixing/Youtubing, but just taking the hardware out of my life may be a very +EV move at this stage for poker/study focus. Sucks because I only asked my parents for movies/videogames this Christmas. But do I want to be playing at the WSOP a year and a half from now or crushing another bag of chips while watching the fourth season of The Sopranos just because? I really gotta give my next go all I have. I want to be successful. Gotta think about everything some more, but I think that things are taking shape
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12-25-2018 , 08:47 PM
Merry Christmas! Writing this from the couch beside the tree, bloated af, my fam and the cats running around all over the place. Having second thoughts on turning down the gov job. I’ll definitely wait for confirmation I’ll get staking before I commit to anything. I could still end up running a deficit/breaking even for the first few months of the deal even with a job in Calgary. If that’s the case, maybe saving up several thousand extra in Regina would still be a great idea. Would be good for a resume later if needed, could get me better than minimum wage jobs to hold me over too. I don’t know! I don’t really think either option is terrible. Both have their pros and their cons. The last thing I want to happen is to become complacent tho. That is definitely my worst fear, and I can’t become satisfied with an unfulfilling gov job if that’s not what I want to achieve in my life. Plenty of time still to mull. Input would be appreciated, but things will work out no matter what
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12-25-2018 , 09:34 PM
Merry xmas mate! You've inspired me to start my own thread/challenge in the new year, seems like it'll add a little focus in my life that I could definitely use.

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12-26-2018 , 12:28 AM
Are you concerned that being a poker pro with no other job will add to the isolation and potential for negative mental health?

Also sometimes the structure of a job can be helpful

Just my 2 cents, best of luck and merry Christmas

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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12-31-2018 , 05:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Razor Braun Fei
Merry xmas mate! You've inspired me to start my own thread/challenge in the new year, seems like it'll add a little focus in my life that I could definitely use.

Hey man, that’s awesome to hear! Hope it goes well

Quote:
Originally Posted by br3nt00
Are you concerned that being a poker pro with no other job will add to the isolation and potential for negative mental health?

Also sometimes the structure of a job can be helpful

Just my 2 cents, best of luck and merry Christmas
Good questions. I’ve been going back and forth on this a lot and I think I’m still leaning towards moving to Calgary/getting staking. For me I think a big concern is that I’m going to be socially isolated no matter what I do, just to varying degrees. If I do move to Calgary and do poker, I’ll still need a job and will get out of my room a bit, will hopefully get back on the gym grind again. I think the coaching contract helped give me structure cuz I was doing pretty well mentally until I bought myself out. Having volume goals under contract could help me focus and give me drive again that I’ve been missing lately.

I know my parents will hate me turning down the job and doing poker again, especially my mom, but the more I think about it the more I think having a job won’t do a lot for me mentally. I find that disengaging my brain and getting sucked into a routine of school/work/movies/videogames, whatever mindless thing you could fill your day with, makes each day easier. The offset of doing that is that I don’t feel like I’m really living, striving to do something I find fulfilling which is more challenging and requires more work and requires me to use my brain. Not sure that makes much sense. The job would be more secure, but I don’t think it will make me happy and get me to where I eventually want to be. The only thing I would be missing out on would be potential health insurance for counselling. My mom said she would help me out but the budget sounds tight. I probably don’t need a ton but who knows


Last week and a bit has been weird. I’ve been home the entire time but just saw some friends for the first time last night, not including the one friend I have a beef with and don’t really want in my life anymore. Him and another bud are going drinking and to the bars tonight for New Year’s, but I honestly don’t want to go. I may go just to see who’s back home tonight, but I really don’t know.

I also got a little upset with my Vancouver friend I was supposed to talk with. It was much harder to squeeze me in than I thought it would be, and once we finally talked it was only for 20 minutes which left me with a lot of unsaid stuff I wanted to get out. She said she’d call me the next morning and the next morning came and went and nothing happened. More than anything lateness/getting blown off/being forgotten about will set me off. I’m a lot better than I used to be but I told her how I felt just because. She actually mentioned something interesting. She said she needs to be in a certain mood sometimes to talk to me just because the stuff we’ll talk about often gets dark and she didn’t want that to really cloud her cheery holiday. Which I think is completely understandable. I’m worried another friend has ignored me completely since I told them about my mental struggles just to avoid being around that energy. I don’t like being a difficult person and I hope my Vancouver friend isn’t mad at me, but I was honestly really glad she told me the truth. I was starting to equate what was happening with her to what was happening with my other friend, and I think they’re two diff situations. All will be good (hopefully)

Last couple of things. Weighed myself and I’m closing 2018 at 231.4 lbs. Yikes. I was absolutely crushing the weight loss but this last month has been awful in multiple different ways. I was honestly scared to weigh myself again just because I know I’ve been eating non-stop garbage and not working out for a while now. Sucks to have that big of a setback, but I’m still down 17lbs from where I started and this isn’t the end of the world. I think I can get back on track pretty easily here. Total bummer considering I was gonna smash my goal of 220 by 2019, but that’s life and I’ll just have to get up and keep on swinging.

I’ve been getting in my videogame fix lately and therefore haven’t made any poker progress either. My coach did message back yesterday about the contract and it sounds like he can set one up for me pretty easily, I should be a go. Apparently the project I delivered him has been working out well so I was really glad to hear that. I guess we’ll see what happens in the near future and try to get back on track again
Quitting Safeway to try and go pro Quote
12-31-2018 , 06:14 PM
Happy new year
Quitting Safeway to try and go pro Quote
01-04-2019 , 03:15 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by preki
Happy new year
You too!

Managed to get on the ice and shoot a puck around before I left Swift/they closed the outdoor rinks yesterday. Another warm spell and all the snow’s melting again. Ridiculously mild winter this year. As the guy working the rink said “We gotta be doing something wrong.” We is humanity I would guess lol

I think I mentioned reaching out to a counsellor in Regina. I emailed them about a week ago and she called me today just as I was waking up. Asked me a couple questions, what I wanted to do, and I’m now doing an assessment in a week and a half. Not too sure what that will all entail, but hopefully I can get a more concrete idea of what’s going on and what actions I can take to better myself. Apparently it will take four hours too lol. When she heard I was between jobs, she offered to do it pro-bono which is pretty ****ing sweet. I honestly may have just turned it down if my parents had to foot the bill in full. Really excited to do that

Been thinking about what I want to do future wise again and have realized staying in Regina may be the best option for me. If I can get a part-time job with hours that would fit my coaching schedule, I can pursue poker and save money on rent while I grind up the MTT stakes. Really, all moving to Calgary would do is put me in an unfamiliar, new, more expensive city/situation when I have yet to establish myself as a successful poker player. Just going off players I’ve followed on Twitch, grinding online in an affordable situation can lead to the flexibility in the future that I want. I think the main reason I wanted to go to Calgary was for live tournaments but am I really going to be playing many live tourneys if I’m picking up online at the $22s? Probably not. We’ll see what happens, but may resume a new job search in the near future

Off to Manitoba tomorrow to visit my grandparents for the next week or so. This is the perfect time to do it considering I’m not working and they aren’t busy. Haven’t been to the farm in several years so I’m looking forward to it. I’ve been horrible about poker learning but hopefully I can start grinding some videos again while I’m there. Will probably have a decent amount of downtime so hopefully I can put some of it to good use. Have a good week all
Quitting Safeway to try and go pro Quote
01-04-2019 , 04:30 AM
Quote:
I think I mentioned reaching out to a counsellor in Regina. I emailed them about a week ago and she called me today just as I was waking up. Asked me a couple questions, what I wanted to do, and I’m now doing an assessment in a week and a half. Not too sure what that will all entail, but hopefully I can get a more concrete idea of what’s going on and what actions I can take to better myself. Apparently it will take four hours too lol. When she heard I was between jobs, she offered to do it pro-bono which is pretty ****ing sweet. I honestly may have just turned it down if my parents had to foot the bill in full. Really excited to do that
I think this is a massive opportunity for you. you really need to engage, be totally open and honest and then really listen.

Be aware, it is likely this person will want to get into your poker views, and possibly not in the way you would like.

Bear in mind for most of the sane world out there, professional gambling as a career is considered complete madness...and in most cases, the mainstream thinking is bang on...very, very few people are cut out for a full-time career as a poker player...the longer you spend on 2+2 the more you see the reality of so many hopeless unfulfilled dreams.

I'm not saying anything about your prospects...I'll hold my tongue on that until after your consultation...I'm just saying this opportunity could be a godsend for you, so grasp it with both hands and really engage, no matter what approach she takes.
Quitting Safeway to try and go pro Quote
01-11-2019 , 02:37 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fatboy54
I think this is a massive opportunity for you. you really need to engage, be totally open and honest and then really listen.

Be aware, it is likely this person will want to get into your poker views, and possibly not in the way you would like.

Bear in mind for most of the sane world out there, professional gambling as a career is considered complete madness...and in most cases, the mainstream thinking is bang on...very, very few people are cut out for a full-time career as a poker player...the longer you spend on 2+2 the more you see the reality of so many hopeless unfulfilled dreams.

I'm not saying anything about your prospects...I'll hold my tongue on that until after your consultation...I'm just saying this opportunity could be a godsend for you, so grasp it with both hands and really engage, no matter what approach she takes.
Of course! I am very excited for this and hopefully it can be the start of healing more, which will hopefully have a positive trickle down effect on my game. Part of my fear is that I’ll sound so calm and rational about everything she’ll just write it off as me doing it for attention, but if I’m trying to do poker that’s gotta be a big red flag haha. Hopefully it’ll be easy to see I’m not a problem gambler and we won’t fixate on that, but whatever happens happens


Spent the last week at the grandparent’s farm which has no wifi, which means no studying. I did read a bit more of The Mental Game, but most of the week was playing cards, seeing distant family, eating Grandma’s food and watching Grandpa’s slides. It was a very good week and I’m glad I had the opportunity to do this

Which brings me to my big news... I am NOT getting the govt job. My mom suggested I email them to see if I was still in the running, they got back to me within an hour to say that I did not have the required experience for the job. Puzzling why they wouldn’t just tell me that immediately since they’ve probably known that for weeks, but so is life! Finally have a concrete plan for the next life steps as well. I’m going to move to Saskatoon by the end of the month. Our family has a house up there my sister is living in while going to school. There’s a room available for rent and I’ll be taking it. Plan is to get a part-time job and get back on the MTT grind with a staking contract. Not sure when I’ll be up and running again, but should be within the next few weeks. Since I’ll be playing online there’s no real reason for me to stay in Regina when I don’t feel properly rolled to grind the live games. I’ll also have the opportunity to see my family more often as they usually go to stoon for the weekends.

As far as middle grounds go Regina didn’t really pan out since I ended up never having family visit and rarely seeing friends. Most of the people I went to high school with moved to Saskatoon for uni, but no one I’m tight with. Hopefully I can hang out with the occasional person. Road trip back to Regina tomorrow and then a Tinder date Friday night! Me and Words With Friends chick are getting sushi together. We made the plans before I figured for sure I was leaving Regina, so there won’t be a second date. But who cares! No reason I can’t eat raw fish with another human being. Goodnight
Quitting Safeway to try and go pro Quote
01-11-2019 , 11:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nerd e tron
Road trip back to Regina tomorrow and then a Tinder date Friday night! Me and Words With Friends chick are getting sushi together. We made the plans before I figured for sure I was leaving Regina, so there won’t be a second date. But who cares! No reason I can’t eat raw fish with another human being. Goodnight
Tinder date actually went pretty good! I was worried I’d show up late but got there five minutes early, one minute after she did. Girl was nice too! Kind of cute, pleasant to talk to, better talker in-person than texting-wise. Actually had some shared interests, got to talk about poker a bit and some of my lofty writing aspirations. Kept seeing her eyes flitting off to the side, so I figured I was boring her. Turns out it was just the TV, but I brought up going up and paying the bill so that’s what we did. Split it even steven. Outside in the snow we said we both had a great time. She said we should do it again, and THAT is when I told her I was moving to Stoon. The entire night had been meaningless, trivial fish and rice with a stranger more than likely never to be seen again. I apologized, walked to my car and drove off. So is life!

It wasn’t a super big deal haha. I did text her after and it’s cool. She was a nice prairie girl and I would have been down to see her again, even though I was internally judging her movie tastes the entire time. Was she my soul mate? I’d say nah. Nice to know I’m not repulsive to the opposite sex though

Afterwards went to the casino, waited for a half hour, and then left. Turns out I missed my name being called, but I was done anyways. Woke up early to roadie back from the farm so I’m a little tired. Will probably come back Saturday night for what could be my last live cash session for a while. Hard to say. Really nice to have a concrete plan of action again. Hopefully the move up to Stoon will go smooth. Goodnight
Quitting Safeway to try and go pro Quote
01-12-2019 , 03:15 AM
did you have the assessment yet?
Quitting Safeway to try and go pro Quote
01-12-2019 , 12:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fatboy54
did you have the assessment yet?
Monday! My room in Stoon is vacant so I can start moving in whatever. When I moved to Regina though me and Dad drove up two full cars, so I will more than likely need to make two trips. Can probably try selling/giving some of my furniture away. Carrying around less worldly belongings bodes well for a nomadic lifestyle later if that's what I fall into. We'll see
Quitting Safeway to try and go pro Quote
01-12-2019 , 08:37 PM
Just watched the documentary Alpha Go about the eponymous AI program going on to beat the best Go player in the world. Basically it’s just a Go solver. Movie might have gotten carried away with it’s hopefulness in human ingenuity in my opinion, but I feel like I may actually have a better understanding of poker solvers as an extension of having watched the movie lol. Interesting watch at least. Off to the nino, good luck me
Quitting Safeway to try and go pro Quote
01-14-2019 , 02:18 AM
Heyo. Didn't feel like updating the second I finished last night, but in my 7.5h session I bought in for $300 and left with $205. Lost some money, but not a crippling amount. I lost my first buy in my third hand with the nut FD+SD. Big blind next hand I more than doubled up with J2o on a JJ2 flop (guy runner-runnered a wheel). Interesting start to the session and money was flying. Went 2/3 on ambitious (but hopefully reasonable) bluffs which I was very happy about. Got up to a peak of about $700 before our table broke. Although I wasn't super active in the conversation, the people at my new table were fairly chatty. Lots of talk about Saskatchewan golf courses and sports and **** that I'm into, so it was a good time. I went card dead though and slowly leaked back my stack. My last hand I lost about $120 with AJ on AA792. IP Villain had A2 and re-raised me on river. Based on the action I maybe could have folded, but I called off and the guy laughed and I left. He wasn't mean laughing, just a rec player having a good time. It happens!

Question. Guy on my left told me to order a Bud Light while they were doing last call. I told him I didn't drink, he told me the Bud was for him (duh ) and he'd pay me back. So I did what he asked cuz I figured I was being a good table mate. Which was when I realized the dude was actually sloshed. He drank his beer and my Bud until they cleaned all the tables, but he was talking about how he drove to the casino. The thought of him driving drunk, hitting someone on the road just made me sick. Is ordering an extra beer for someone else, sloshed like that, at closing frowned upon? If I had been a little more aware maybe I would've said no, but maybe then I'd just be being a dick. I regret getting him the beer anyways. Didn't get the cards to take advantage of the situation anyhow haha

Driving home at 3 AM I decided to pop by the Legislative Building. Regina is the capital of Saskatchewan. Haven't been inside since a Grade 5 field trip, but it is one of few pretty buildings to look at here. Once played Mass Effect songs on the piano in our Premier's house too, but that was a while ago haha

Quitting Safeway to try and go pro Quote

      
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