Wow the action was good today over 5k on table. made 615 minus 28 for incidentals. I gotta get it while the goings good becuase I could see the games drying up soon. Although post covid crypto boom could be real. Bankroll at 3545. I'll post one hand but I must say I can't remember the last time I made a mistake playing poker I'm dialed in and motivated to be my best. Eating so clean I'm under 5% body fat. Having been able to exercise due to injuring my shin last day of Vegas trip. Perhaps blessing in disguise? Anyways one random hand of the day there were 6 good ones to choose from but this one involved skill and reads and diverges from ABC poker.

Adkd in BB utg+1 limps in button raise 10 I go 45 in BB
Button call.
Pot 95. Flop 10d9d9s check check
Turn 8c check
Button bets 45 I re raise all in 180 he folds said he had kq I just read him as weak when he called pre with his body language and long timing to call like he knew he should fold but called anyway. Also you may or may not know. Everything you do at the table conveys information. And this man told me he won 4k last night. So him having winners tilt was a possibility in my mind.

Utg+2 open 15. (A player who sat down first hand opened to 17 in early position everyone folded and showed 32 off. And he is known for that to be his favorite hand) fold to me on button call 7h8h bb sb fold. Flop jh8s6c he bet 20 I call turn qh he goes 40 I go all in 152 he calls River ac he shows 8s6s. I could not compute 86 being in his ep open range. My logic was I could get aj kj ak 1010 99 to fold so even if he doesn't fold the hand he will have to fold at enough frequency to make the bluff profitable. When someone is creative and skilled they can beat me so I try not to play against them. He didn't play any big pots after that either, so I lost 200 in like first 5 hands luckily went on a 528 upswing after including doubling up with aces again against 108 diamonds all in pre. I had to spend 153 on groceries and food so bankroll is now at 3720. Snow storm in town my theory is that will put a damper on people wanting to play. So gonna take a few days to rest because I've been going hard as **** lately. Gonna watch a bunch of movies and do high intensity interval training in the freezing blizzard to condition my mind and body for battle again. Should be back Thursday.

KcJd utg limp 3 LoJack tilted pllayer 15 I call heads up 34 in pot
Flop Jc9h8c he bets 20 I go 100 he shoves all in 150 I call turn 6c river 5c I show first as I'm pretty sure king high flush is good he says I was good the whole way. Up 137 minus 45 for incidentals so bankroll 3810. Punted away 130 at end from card dead tilt. Very unprofessional.

snowstorm got to me. There was good action. Went card dead couldn't get anything going. Broke a few of my principles which hurts. Might go try tomorrow again.

I made a bluff against my poker buddy A which I felt bad about I had 4s6d 12 pre 3 way. flop 4cjc6h he bet 10 turn Ac he goes 20 I call river Ad he goes 45 I re raise 125 total. Putting him a blocker bet and I also haven't bluffed in days that he's seen and it's also such an underblufed that he folded a medium flush. I calling stationed to many hands one where a flush a straight came on river another with 1010 on j4472 board. and then folded a second nut flush draw on Jd7d7s when I c/r flop and got 3 bet large and turn brought in flush for me they both had 7's. but then I made a sick semi bluff on turn in 4 other people on button one caller and he bricked his flush draw, I had second nut flush draw, middle pair and gut shot. spent 20 on delicious nutritious lunch made 36 so B/R is now at. 3825. Can't complain too much about outcome games where really good just wasn't playing super well. Need take two days off study more and come back ready to go.

Aces button raise the straddle to 25 cutoff calls flop asjd8c check check Turn 9d he goes 25 I re raise 55 call river 4c he mucks. Pocket kings in the BB next hand, button raise to 15, SB calls, I go 45. Button reraise 115 SB folds, I also kings face up. Didn't wanna get too greedy against a top player to stoke my ego. (My mission is to make money nothing more) 20-80% equity potentially he has and for stacks with the pacing of the game I opted to go slow and low (variance). He has to know my 3 betting range is very narrow I don't know if he's thinking at that level but his 4 betting range is extremely tight in my perception. Probably Aces. Maybe Queens. Maybe AK (some guy said he folded ace of hearts.) No regrets. I picked off a weaker player with Ac10c after he triple barreled with bottom pair and reached a new high water mark. Also was flirting hard with this cute asian girl, the chemistry in the air was palpable. I'm a dork for not even attempting to get her name or number cause it would have gone down like the World Trade. Session Result: up 354 after 6 hours minus 22 for incidentals. Current Bankroll: 4155.

Made 420 in 10 min lost it all then grinded it all back. Hate it when then happens. But my mindset at even I'm still even I had a good week so I'm essentially starting a session anew. Qsqd utg+1 hijack call button who straddled calls flop 76 in pot 8c3c3s I decide on that paired board to protect my hand and overbet 125. If someone hijack calls 75 in his stack button shoves 155 total well im not folding anymore. Turn 10d river 4h. Hi jack shows 1010 more main button shows jh3h for side. If someone has a 3 bless their heart what was mp thinking I'm betting Huge pre and over betting into 3 ppl. In what world are tens ever good there!?
Qc7c button raise 15 BB skilled wild Korean guy goes 40 I begrudgingly call flop jc7s3c check he goes 15 I call turn Ks I check he goes 120 lol over bet I re raise all in 200isj total actually believing my 7 is good and if by some wild miracle it isn't I have flush outs. He call river is js so I'm feeling a bit better because it is now less likely he has one. I table q7 and scoop he showed 98 clubs. Pretty standard 3 bet I guess pre. Had to spend 600 on cc Bill 45 incidentals and 125 on delcioius nutritious groceries. Pretty painful to subtract out of my roll. Winning 405$ cushioned the blow. Current Bankroll: 3790

Another roller coaster session today. Incorrectly fold jj vs 10 10 button huge 3 bet. another person also had jacks and folded. What are the odds that two people have jacks, and the inferior tens wins? Then incorrectly call ak vs aa 4 bet shove when buddies speech play fooled me which should never have happened but i was card dead all frickin day and was about to book a small win up 125 when this new player sat down and I thought i was at least live but he had aces. Like If I hadn't been so hasty I could have picked off his feigned weakness as strength. but I digress. I had to meditate for over an hour while playing. Closing my eyes in between hands. I've never dug so deep in my life.

So now I lose that 600 pot and soon after open aq off on button SB just calls BB fold Straddler active asian dude thinking player capable of bluffs squeezes all in and i just thought BS I call 275. SB tank calls with Jacks saying he knows he's behind but begging for a jack. me and straddler both had aq and jacks scoops a massive 900 pot. Why call when already behind? well that guy was in for 1.2k and left with nothing 2 hours later calling a river shove on a queen high board with just jacks and lost to top two. ai ya. I've never had to dig so deep in my life I had to go to atm to grab more money and martingale it. Because the game was so insane I felt obligated to stay. I think being a holiday tomorrow contributed to the action. over 5k on table and some weird plays going on. I'm now down 350 slowly grind up a bit. to 790 so only down 60 and then switch seats. Very first hand 8s9s in BB utg raises 15 4 callers I call flop 6sjs10h utg bet 25 ep makes the call low jack min clicks which is like his signature move. But he was also in for 4k (it makes me uncomfortable witnessing deep levels of degeneracy, which is why I couldn't get through the movie "Owning Mahoney") played over night and was dwindling to 1k despite grinding back to 3k at one point, I'm in the big blind. I have a potent combo draw I wanna get as much money into the pot as possible I go 150 3 bet the flop , only the low jack calls. turn is a beautiful offsuit queen of clubs giving me the third nuts but the effective nuts in my opinion. Low jack check I based on watching a video on when to bet big and small according to the solver opt for a slight overbet of 400. Protecting my hand against two pairs flush draws, gut shots, sets etc. also polarizing my range to either nothing or the nuts. (I might have honestly only bet 150 on that turn to eke value if I didn't just study that concept.) Low-jack tanks for 2 min then re raises all in since I faded the snap call I know I'm good and call and win a 1550 pot against the biggest whale I've ever seen in my life. Great result very happy after almost leaving and being ready to book my first loss in a while. after incidentals made 655. Bankroll: $4445.

In my overstimulated but also exhausted state I miscalculated the size of the of the pot it was actually around 1650. One of the biggest pots I've won in a long time. Bankroll actually at 4545. I did bluff that one player specifically about 4 hours earlier. with ahkd on a 9d4d6h board. Button opened 12 Sb called. I was pondering a raise or flat since I was running below ev. While I'm waiting Button starts talking to Small Blind. Which can either be an indication of comfort or nervousness but time I correctly interpreted it as weakness so I insta-raised to 40. Both Called Sb leads 25 small sizing that he would be doing to protect a a middling pair and deny equity from over cards. Because I have a diamond in my hand and I perceive him just flatting pre to cap his range I 5x his bet. button snap folds, he tank folds. I show the bluff and he got upset and I said "I had a diamond in my hand" so I think to a small degree he remembered that hand when I re raised on a 2 spade board later that night. But his play jad also significantly deteriorated by the time we got to the critical hand so who knows?

Seems really bad to let your opponents know how you think about poker, no?

Twin emerald obelisks symbolize a successful night of poker.

Felt off today. Games were slow. Was ready to book my first loss. I caught a polar vortex of cards. I did run it up to up 150 with this hand. 6c4c call 3 on the button, BB raises to 15. 4 callers. KhJh6d, cutoff bets to 15 everyone calls. Turn 9h checks around to me and I go 55. Only cutoff calls. River Ad player checks to me I go all in for 117. Cut off tank folds I show he says he was good. Then I went on a 550 downswing and lost with qq to kk aipf against same guy I bluffed. I might have been able to fold to his 4 bet over shove but I felt there was a small chance he had jj or ak and he is unknown rec to me. Of course he ended up losing everything after. But I kept losing and playing sub optimally. But luckily went on a 730 upswing to end the session. Up 320 today Bankroll: 4865. Pot of the night: 2d3d mp limps I'm on button ane make it twenty five ta go. SB FOLDs BB calls mp calls. 76 pot. Flop Qd6d4d I make it 80 to go. BB CALL. TURN 7C. I make it all in 290 to go. BB call river 9d. 815$ pot coming our way. Bb shows 44 and looked very dejected.

Spent 70 on groceries lost 910 New Bankroll: 3885. A combo of run bad, playing bad, started tilting, everyone playing like perfectly it all just took its's toll so. I feel very burnt out now gonna have to take some time off to rest and recover and prepare for Vegas in 2 weeks. Not gonna beat myself up like I usually do though.

Im burnt out as **** I don't know how it happened? But 3rd hand I get Aqoff utg bets 20 I call in ep 3 other callers flop q79 two clubs original raiser goes 50 I ship it for 190 more and everyone folds except him and he has aces. Then I call an all in for EP with 99 on the cutoff everyone else folds he had a3 off and runout was a3xxx. I tried hard but after that my confidence dropped and started second guessing myself. I guess in order to prevent such a disaster from ever happening again I will be much more mindful of burnout in the future and then also leave when losing.

Still burnt out. I thought I felt better after going on a really long hike yesterday. But I'm playing so bad and the game was super tough. Down 420. Current bankroll 3450. I gotta stop bleeding so gonna take 5 days off the completely clear my head and hopefully the games get better.

Adjc cutoff double straddle on board I open to 33$
Straddled wild rampage esque Philippino young male calls flop ah6s3s
Check to me
I size down 20 to keep his marginal hands in.
He re raises 65
I happily shove assuming I'm good most of the time.
He calls with a9
Board bricks out 6c4h
We scoop 410 pot.

I've always had a fragile mind state brain chemistry changes after loss. Have to be mindful.
Really wanted to win this session...

With Great power comes great responsibility
With Great potential looms dangerous potential of epic meltdowns.

Put all those chips into play against same villain. I noticed that he was vpiping like 65% and playing wild. So I min clicked his straddle from 12 to 25 with qj suited on button. 2 callers he on the double straddle goes 100 and that just screamed weakness to me. I really should have shoved all in pre but with 4 way action I was not highly confident in my hand. And also 4 bet shove bluffing is so uncommon for me Im not doing it enough. But we go heads up with 250 in the middle to 99j two diamond flop. He goes 75. Which on reflection the smaller sizing truly felt valuely. And I even sensed it. But his image was so shot I thought he could find bluff with ax holdings or middling pairs on that board so I shove all in and get snapped by his a9. We brick out.
And just like that go from being even to up 200 to down 200 in the span of a half an hour of arriving.
All my dreams of Redrocks and Talking starting flickering and fading away.
Three losing sessions in a row!?
I was merely fish on heater. About to exposed as the charlatan jester I truly am.
But **** it.

This game was insane.
MUTLIPLE People rebuying 2k, tons of brand new players, 40 all ins in the span of a few hours. It was a dream come true.

Now I'm tilted from that cooler flop one of only a few flops where I have to commit my stack and am almost drawing dead...



So with j8 clubs call a 30 raise pre on cutoff. RE raise that same wild guy i battled with before min clicks it to 60 everyone calls. Button extremely skilled experienced solid winning player shoves all in now and one by one all 4 people call. Crazy right? 4 way in for like 200 bbs. Obviously with j8 I know I'm never good there but it is suited and I'm calling 110 to 840 so i need like 12% equity to call but I think I'm hovering around 20ish so I call. But honestly If I had 300 behind and was getting 4-1 on a call I would have released. Anyways I river a flush on a board pairing river for main pot and quadruple up. Side pot won by qq which was an even bigger pot than the primary pot.
One guy had ak other didn't show.
So now up 300 finally in a wild game. Where ppl were playing bad but I was card dead. I knew being patiencet would be paramount.

I lose like 200 on the button playing 67 diamond on a 54 flop and aj hearts on a 1095 flop with one heart. Trying to stab multiway and aborting on turn. Until the hand of the day 5 hours into the session.

As9d on button make it 30 2 callers. Flop 9h5h2c ep bets 20 dollars into 90 pot. This guy had one two big hands in a row and one of them was a rivered heart flush draw. So by empathizing with him and knowing pattern recognition/intuion I really felt he was on a heart draw. And also knew he was having a rough day and looking to get even asap. With that rationale I make it 200 to go a very large overbet. Knowing if he has a flush draw he's likely to call. And if he has a set he'll raise. He flats and the turn is an 8 of spades he checks to me. I go 250 now all in. Intuiting top top is good. And honestly a9 crushed me earlier. I know it's not logically sound but I do notice on certain days certain hands run above ev. And that gave me confidence to go all for stacks with it in a 1k pot this time. Buddy is tanking for 3 min though I'm starting to think he might have an over pair my mind is playing tricks on me. I correctly read his hand the hand before when I folded saying "I put you on a flush draw I can't call your river shove" and he showed flush when he didn't have to. So whilst he is tanking he asks only one question "what do you put me on?" I was going to say flush draw but I lied and said "over pair" my logic being if I correctly call out his hand it could spook him into folding. Playing enough poker I felt in this configuration no one was winning 3 hands in a row and definetly not 2 rivered flushes back to back. I know it's not logically sound. But in my eyes it was unlikely so I actually wanted him to call there. River was a 4 of clubs and he shows ah6h for missed combo draw and we scoop a 1k pot to end a wild day up 600ish after expenses. Bankroll now 3855.

Trigger warning: next part could be disturbing to some. Reader discretion is advised. After My last two losses I melted down completely. A combo of burnout and tilt from playing bad. I hate playing bad. But when I'm burnt out I can't play good. Its a vicious circle. And the end result was chernobyl scale internal melt down. The nuclear materials mixed with the hyper reactive graphite and I ****ing relapsed with porn after avoiding since the beginning the of December. I'm talking 2 sessions totalling 7-8 hours where my eyes were blood shot my hair was falling out my skin was greying and I aged 5 years over night. It was a living nightmare seeing the ghost of my future self who I could have been disappear and be replaced by a joker on penny wise like pathetic sad murderous clown entity who can't even look in the mirror at him self. It would be like climbing half way up Kilamanjaro slipping falling of a 50 foot cliff and breaking both tibias. A long road of recovery ahead. I still have a headache, almost went blind, can't think properly, my resting heart rate is way up, can't sleep as well. Also self inflicted Iike a drug od. But the scars are invisible. Underneath my ordinary exterior I'm plagued by the scars of full body 3rd degree burns or acute radiation poisoning the curse that keeps on cursing. I sense like a 100 day refractory period to regain normalcy.
I used to think it was depression and believe me I didn't go outside for 5 days and almost forgot how to walk. I used to think I was clinically depressed bi polar or bpd. But actually framing it under the lens of an autistic meltdown actually makes far greater sense than anyone of the above. Although there could be comorbidity...

The good news is I can devise strategies to avoid this in the future. Based on others experiences with meltdowns. And so getting diagnosed was really helpful. My values are heavily based around discipline and I'm steeped in regret for violating them. But If I can be more cognizant of burnout by playing less I can avoid this from happening again. Or at least that's idea. But I will continue to update and pull no punches. Even when I'm the punching bad receiving myriad hay makers.

Spent 430 on bills lost 1200 today so bankroll at 2235. Crazy tiltty and meltdown combined with losing my edge from edging. There was crazy action today but I ran very far under ev and after hours 10 on the session started punting. Losing sucks. Not playing until Phoneix and gonna tighten up and go into bankroll building mode. Should update from Phoenix on Monday night. There was at least 12 k on table and people losing 3-4k in one session but I was really card and got stubborn should have left and came back another day. These players were really really good. It at least sharpened my game but the point is just to make money not play against top players. To be continued...

If I could go back in time I would not have self destructed last week and left after 4 buy ins but I will study my ass off during this trip and workout as hard as ever to get back to my best that I can be.

made 740 at Talking Stick but subtracting 140 for incidentals so bankroll at 2735. Being on the road again and playing strangers is peak life experience for me. I felt like I entered God mode and could see through people's souls. Running roughshod through regs and recs alike in a 3 hour session where every bluff got through. I 3 bet kings and queens and no one called and so I sized down with jacks and of course get rivered by two overs and a flush draw aq off. I feel like I'm a the top of my game and yet still I climb. I feel pure euphoria and bliss and I am never coming down! Jk I'm entering into my robot era (which means being indifferent to wins or losses) and got lucky tonight. The way I handled my last loss was more mature and compassionate than any other so I'm so happy with my continued growth in this journey and still have the passion to play ❤️

Khjc button bb raises 13 5 callers including me flop qh10c4s bb bet 10 everyone calls
Turn 7h bb bet 10 again 3 callers on me I make it 75 to go a large semi bluff hoping to take it down on turn cause i sense weakness with thos tiny bets and everyone just calling. Bb calls everyone else fold. River a of hearts. Bb now goes 25 I re raise 145 he goes all in 225 I call he has aq we scoop big pot 600+

Played two sessions at Talking Stick to be up 305 more. Pretty tired from hiking. so no hand breaks downs. Well maybe one from last night. Open K9 off 20 in ep. Button older gentleman calls. Flop 1094 I check he goes 30 I call. Turn k I check he goes 75 I min clicked back 150 he tank calls. River 2c i lead shove 300 into 400 he tanks for 4-5 Min while I close my eyes and pray for a call. He calls with 109 and we scoop a 1000$ pot. Overall this trip has been incredibly fulfilling and satisfying and very grateful to be here. Off to Mgm Grand tomorrow to play. After incidentals BR 2980

Made 14 playing 4 hours at nugget. Game was bad but I was burnt out from hiking yesterday. So I got stubborn and It could have been worse but I texted my local griend and told him the game was bad and that I was not functioning at a high enough level to compete so he correctly convinced me to leave and go rest. Seems like there's some event going on so fighting a little fomo but not going to play tomorrow regardless. Rest is paramount.

Down 1250 bank roll 1730. That was rough I honestly wanna quit. I sabotaged myself too hard a couple weeks ago and I have no discipline to leave anymore.

“Steady effort pays off, even if not always in an immediate, tangible way.” - Garry Kasparov
By applying steady effort I've certainly improved in many areas that will pay dividends later. No matter how hopeless things may seem right now.

Met a famous vlogger at MGM.
.
I was ready to quit last post because poker can be painful and depressinsd8d on as10d7d vs 1010 and river trip aces miss my flush and call a 50$ value bet on board pairing river. I'm never folding a rivered trips to a less than pot sized bet when many draws brick. After playing really well for hours to lose it all stings and made me regret not leaving. The lows in the game are the lowest of the lows. But what goes down must go up. And conversely the highs can feel far greater than many other paths.
I took 3 days off to recharge myself. Like Newton said energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred. And where do you get energy from ? Good whole, raw foods, light/ sunshine and sleep. So I made sure to concentrate on getting the best of all three. I also like to check in with my starting 3 components of health: Mental, physical and spiritual. Meeting some people from Calgary and spending three fulfilling days in nature climbing, cliff diving and hiking filled my cup back up. I might get into real estate agent but I wanna get another source of income asap to take the pressure off. I wanna become a goal crushing machine. I'm going to focus on all areas of my life. I'm inspired by good people to be the best I can be.

made 425 playing 5 hours at 1/3 Cowboys today, tho most of it was made in the very first hand at a new table. Mp with 100 total goes 20 I go 35 on Button with ak off Straddler calls MP Jams 99 for 100 I re raise 225 all in Stradler calls (I've stacked him 10 times in a row don't know why he called lol) k23xx board we scoop 350 profit in first few minutes, then run it up a bit late bluffin and hitting some ridiculous hands like one I called a 20 raise from a solid player with 10h4h 3 ways to flop 6c4c4s check to him he goes 20 I re raise 40 middle player folds he calls, checks turn 5 I go 55 he folds. Got cheque for 225 from government for carbon rebate, easily spent 400 last week in vegas so bank roll now 1955. Read 3 hours of Brothers Karamazov on flight home to reset my mind, Need to keep doing character building exercises to maintain upward momentum. Going to try to plan out 4 different social activates in the next four days starting with visiting my nephew and meeting his new cat tomorrow. I've never felt this good though, need to remember this feeling to motivate me to play good and earn another trip to vegas. My goal is also to start vlogging,