Quote:
Originally Posted by slyless
It's completely normal to feel frustrated and demotivated during downswings, especially when you're putting in a significant amount of effort to improve. Poker, by its nature, involves both skill and variance and sometimes the results don't immediately reflect the work you put in.
The mental game is a significant aspect of poker, and maintaining a positive mindset is crucial. Upswings will come, and your hard work will pay off over time.
I know you're right and I know these things in the back of my mind. I guess it's just hard to step back and calm down sometimes. Better to let loose here or discord instead of punching my monitor or start shoving stacks w/ATC pre (like i used to do on ACR blitz). It's crazy how the world can feel completely against you in the pursuit of something, although I'm devoting as much of my time as I can. Car rides are audio book of TMGoP or poker podcasts and any free time during work I'm on my laptop staring at 2p2 HH posts or playing in GTOw trainer/watching mad videos/playing with H2N. At the same time, I feel like if I miss a minute of study or dodge a session that I'm going to get left behind and it's going to stunt growth even more, and this terrifies me in today's world where everyone is learning so quickly and bottom end standards are constantly settling to new levels. I'm sure this is an unrealistic perception but the point is that these are the dominating thoughts that I have lately and I feel an intense pressure to not only perform for myself but to display my efforts also whether as proof, inspriation, or brag it doesn't matter. I'm wondering now if I'm too consumed by poker or if immersion (like learning a language) is going to be +EV in the long run.
I have some deep fear of the possibility of having to work a "9-5" job for the next however may years and try to retire finally at some old age and too old to do anything but reminisce. I think this is what pushed me to travel/backpack for so many years. Here I am working this kind of job and I get in the same cycles of hating getting up to drive an hour then be forced to sit around and put my efforts into something i have zero passion for and know that I'm not actually getting the benefits I deserve from my efforts. I see people get paid the same that do much much less, are much less talented, know people to get the good gigs, w/e the case is it doesn't really matter but I know I feel that I do not belong here. Poker offers me this outlet of freedom.
When I first got into my job, I was told by every single person in a supervisory position that "you get back what you put in, kid". Meaning bust your ass, show up early, leave late, you know the drill... (and just for reference, my job now i have cake gig i start at 6am. I still wake up and show up early at least 530 everyday so I can get on PC early for whatever poker stuff and take advantage of every minute, it doesn't seem like much I guess but I'm doing this everywhere so the time adds up. Like I don't know where else I can steal time from to augment progress here.) I was running stairs when people were taking the elevator just so I could be the first to the tool box kinda thing, unlock and get prepped for all the old heads so they had cake days. You know what that got me? A lay off check just like the clowns who slacked off all day and laughed as I thought I was doing this great service to everyone and it would somehow come back to me. I did this for the next 4-5 years. Ace-ing the stupid apprenticeship tests, showing up first, teaching others what I learned even though im not the ****ing teacher, volunteer for the **** work. You know what I got at the end of that? I got zero. Nothing. I'm just another number in the field. I get to work next to the guy that I watched copy answers for years and can barely tie his shoes, he should have been kicked out. We make the SAME RATE. This is the world I fear and this is where the pressure comes for me to find something that I can actually enjoy learning about and has maybe a more true form of "you get back what you put in".
I feel like I've put in a lot of effort for everything in my life and I'm struggling to find the stuff that I'm getting back. Obv a huge life leak. Just feel really tiny lately and I just want so badly to find purpose and fulfillment that's lasting.
I'm just a massive mental fish in every way possible I guess. I'm becoming impatient because I feel like I can see the end of the life tunnel closing in already and I'm literally racing against time now. I'm not a teenager anymore. I need to get something going. I don't have my entire life anymore. I'm starting to think I'm a walking joke because everyone around me family, friends, partner whatever all love to say **** like "oh youre so smart and gifted and talented and you can do anything/you're doing great" etc etc etc. Okay i get it, but if that were all true then I just feel like my life would have played out a little differently and I would not be in such a spot mentally.
First GTOw BBvsBTN facing flop range bet drill I have done in a few days or something. Going to call it good for this spot and move on to Tombos GTOw list in order of importance and just train down the line. Only going to focus on preflop and flop for now, that's 2 positions and would be total 4 spots per formation so 20 spots altogether to hammer down. It took over 5k hands for BBvsBTN range bet so I'm not expecting to rush through the spots very quickly.
Last edited by swerbs22; 01-08-2024 at 10:51 AM.