I love the fact that coupdejarnac
who literally has 6 posts on 2+2 showed up, as
his first post in this thread was something I revisited immediately upon posting here because it was such a thought-provoking post the first time, and I even was fascinated to read
my own response of 2019 Aesah. And of course, I try to say it as often as I think of it but I am also so grateful for all of the other regular posters in this thread throughout the years, it really brings me so much joy.
Back to that post, it basically boiled down to
"2019 Aesah decided to pursue the 'easy' life of grinding 5/5 NLHE instead of trying to be great in poker. Is he actually happy with this decision, or is he deluding himself because his ego can't handle failure?" It was a really difficult question back then, and also a difficult question now.
I thought long and hard about it today, and I am happy with my decisions. I was listening to
a podcast with Runchuks and Jnandez explaining how life has seasons, and just to enjoy that fact rather than resent the winters when your motivation is low. Sure, sometimes I get intrigued (read: sometimes I get tilted as fk) about what could have been if I grinded poker hard with full ambition in the past 8 years. But, instead, I did what I wanted to do, and there is really no price on that. I can't say I have absolutely zero regrets, but overall I really wouldn't have it any other way.
GarlicPepper who plays full time and commentates on LATB was a huge influence on me here. This guy is a poker god in pretty much every aspect IMO, and he also mainly plays 1k cap games. I don't know what his reasons for not playing higher, but I truly believe that it makes way more sense for poker to be a vehicle to have a good life rather than dedicating your life to poker.
The counterarguments of course is that more financial freedom is better. Perhaps it is true for some people, but my biggest struggle is with variance. Even right now, I feel motivated and very clearheaded, it is because I had a good day in poker. If I were down 1k, a measly 5 buy-ins, I probably would not be writing this post right now. I am working on my mental game of course and hoping that I can eventually get over it. I want to be proud of myself for recognizing that.
In summary, everyone has to find their own way. No one else can find it for you