All in all 2015 was a poor year. I had let my gambling demons bite me on too many occasions. £47k in table game losses, once during a panic attack and one during being black out drunk left me defenceless, hopeless and struggling. The truth is however, despite this huge monetary hole, produced by madness, I spent the past year in poker doing what i'd always done; Being a terrible poker professional. I played severely under rolled over and over, took way too many high variance spots and never really allowed myself to be happy. I was living up to a past persona as an 'legend' of the live circuit and as a happy go lucky punter who would jump in and out of the toughest online games. When the dust had settled I had ended 2015 with about £2500 to my name. I returned home for xmas, to Manchester, with little plan. I decided I'd do what i've always done, return to London and run good and somehow survive.

So we got to 2016 and I had a goal, my goal was to make rent and survive. I achieved this in January. I had got my 'roll' up to the heady heights of £5000. My health had been on the decline from the start of the year, I hadn't been feeling right for a while. Constant dizziness and disorientation. No confidence to leave the house except to grind low as it was imperative to survival. I played a few sessions where I wasn't even close to being in the right frame of mind. Lo and behold, it all came crashing down, 14 days a go I was left with just £200 to my name. In London, feeling sorry for myself and having no way out. I came clean to my girlfriend who was amazingly supportive, said that she didn't mind and that i'd be back. I looked for a hand in help and felt I'd be let down by the community, no one offered a hand back. I couldn't understand it, at least at worst at low stakes I was probably offering up free money but everyone seemed content to leave me to dead. I realised, I was a bet that was too volatile, no matter how well I could play poker, people knew that I was a destructive time bomb and no one came out to help. I stuck $80 on pokerstars and grinded up $3k profit playing 14k of plo5-plo200. That's given me another few weeks of survival. I received the help I needed, some financial help to jump back into low live games. London, for now, continues.

2016 Goals:

I guess my poker goal for 2016 is to grind back to the position I should be in, it won't be easy but it is achievable. I've grinded to the top stakes in the game before several times and if I can learn to take my time and actually be a professional, grinding out the 40 hour weeks and respecting the hourly wage, I do truly believe I'll be ok. The past week I went to poker hell and found a little light. I won't give it up easily.

Health - The stresses and strains of the past few years. Going essentially from hero to zero finally seems to have caught up with me this year. I recently, as I said in the OP, have been suffering some bad health problems. Lately i've been very unwell, being constantly dizzy and disoriented and unable to operate and live properly. I have had several trips to the doctors and at it's worst I've been experiencing fits on some nights where my body has just been shaking uncontrollably. I am currently awaiting blood test results and hoping to fade the worst. My doctor seemed positive and believes the tests will likely come back clear and he believes I have an anxiety disorder that manifests itself physically and makes me central nervous system feel like it's being attacked. If the tests are clear and it is this then it's manageable with medication i.e beta blockers.

tl;dr.

Cliffs:

- Had old blog Eat.Sleep.PLO - this is my new one.

- Embarrassed and washed up former high stakes pro on his last legs.

- in 2016 main goal is to be healthy and enjoy life, grind hard and return to high stakes by the end of the year.

1st and subbed. loved your previous PG&C. very eye-opening look into the world of poker. best of luck in 2016.

Followed your previous thread, got a few queries, perhaps you might not want to answer,

You seemed to play pretty high (£2.5kplo, which I assume played deep), even with 47k loses in table games, how under rolled where whilst playing? Did you ever have a comfortable foll for living in London and playing these games(£500k)?

Is there any point you'll just say enough, get a job and gg?

Good luck getting back on your feet

Gonna go to sleep soon but this is a good question so I'll field it.

Tbh at peak last year I was never truly rolled for the games, they were bigger on average than I thought they'd be. I was probably comfortably rolled for £5/10 but that played out as £5/10/25 so often with deep stacks where £10-15k swings were regular. I guess after playing super high in Macau/Vegas for years I never let my ego relax. Even in Australia I went out there to play 5/5 and ended up playing 200/400 within 3 months. I've just always been a terrible pro when it comes to bankroll management and basically just being a poker pro. I became too much of a wannabe 'maverick', with my antics and table persona that many have complemented me for but that was realistically probably killing me financially day after day.

As for getting a normal job I think not but eventually might be left with that as the only option. I'm pretty anti establishment and deep down think I'm a pretty natural poker player, I'm comfortable at a poker table, have skills at being good with fish, getting into good games etc. Still do ok online whenever I play there etc.

I guess this is last chance saloon tho, poker is getting worse and worse as we all know and even just personally I'm not getting any younger. So this year is make or break I'd guess.

I read the first sentence and didn't bother reading the rest, nobody cares, no one wants to hear your complaining

Would love to read regular updates story is interesting so far and I can't wait to learn about your back story

Unbearable, I've had two posts I tried to write be deleted like an idiot so I'm just going to make this short and sweet.

You need to get it out of your head that you "should" be somewhere in poker. Your situation is really no different from someone who plays small stakes and wants to move up but they are barely beating their current games and can't improve. In your case you can beat high stakes but you are unable to fix your massive leaks which keep coming back to bite you in the ass and will not go away until you really face them head on.

Just because you are good enough to beat high stakes does not mean you deserve to play in those games. Making good decisions off the table is just as if not more important than making good decisions on the table, particularly in live poker.

I hope that you will learn from your experiences and fully understand what awaits if you do not make serious changes to your approach and mindset.

I'm sorry to hear about your health, I hope that issue gets resolved and I think that overall having a healthier lifestyle will help immensely in terms of your every day decision making and general happiness as well. I look forward to reading this thread throughout the year and hopefully see you crushing your way back to the highest stakes. While poker is getting harder everyday, there is still plenty of money to be won at the highest levels, especially in the live arena. You just need to take all the right steps to get there and ensure your stay.

Sorry to hear about your 2015. I always enjoyed reading your thread. Big +1 to the post above mine, some decent advise in there.

Do you think your demons wrt discipline and punting are something you can overcome, being honest?

Link to old blog ?

Might follow if u r not the std degen who think can become a not degen but continue degening

Gl

How good is palm beach for PLO ?

Palm doesn't really have much PLO. It occasionally will have a £10/25 or £25/50 when the right person is in town. There is also an occasional privately run PLO there that is usually amazing, however pretty impossible to get into. Vic has £5/10 PLO everyday and usually it's £5/10/25 or they'll have a £10/25 running along side it.

Hi Alexo, was fun to play some pokers with you in Vegas last year, seemed like a good guy.

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/17...p-plo-1549299/

I mean I have things in life now that require me to take off the punter hat and replace it with the grinder hat, these are things I hadn't had previously where i was accountable to nobody but myself. Going down to being as low and dead as I was was a feeling I'll never want to encounter again, if that isn't motivation I don't know what is. I think i have the ability to control my punting but it won't be easy. This thread should help.

Will be following this thread closely bro your last one was sick, also how would you describe the £5/10 and up PLO tables in the vic, quite soft or is the pool usually just reg infested? Asking this because I play midstakes plo online and i'm considering shot taking live with 3 or 4 bullets either in £5/10 or £10/20

I mean given OPs story, you surely can't be serious with the 3/4 bullets thing? Pretty elaborate needle IMO.

lol why would you think that was a needle ?

Cliffs of this thread:

OP goes broke playing under rolled in big PLO games and managing money poorly.

You're actually asking him if he thinks it's a good idea for you to play 2kPLO with 3bis.

Ridiculous.

Maybe not 3 or 4 probs 1 or 2. But definitely not a needle, serious question...

Sure seems like a needle if you ask me. On the fence at the moment, whether I should report you, but I will let this one slide.

Ffs stop getting emotional

Gl bigais , i remember u like a guy with plenty of joy inside, good vibes , good energy. Hope u can focus all that in a better life style (maybe this mean away from poker) , gl !

I haven't played any live poker for a while. I've still been too unwell to go in and grind. Currently it's been difficult to do anything as I remain ill. My illness spiked on Sunday early afternoon and led to me and my GF going to A and E and i got admitted quickly. I had some blood tests and a stomach x ray but all my test came back clear, which was good news. However, the cause remains unknown, which the doctor said was obviously bad news, so it's a case of go through the elimination process and wait for it to fade or wait to see what's wrong.

In the meantime I've sporadically been playing online, primarily on Stars and I've been doing ok. I think $1/2zoom is PLO is definitely soft during certain times (Sundays etc) but i find the whole concept kind of stupid. So many of the regs play the same low variance robotic style and I definitely think the true poker players will be hampered by the lack of dynamics. It's basically a great tool for mass grinders in general. I've been playing some of 5card games and I think the action is a lot better. Seems to be a lot more recs and the regs range from some who are really good to some who aren't that great.

I've had some tourney runs lately. Weds I went deep in the big 162 but crashed out in 25th for bowl, lost 66 v AKo for a bust, so annoying with $17k ftw. I finished 14th in the 82 PLO KO on Sunday too, annoying as I was 5/15 and just kind of ran bad v a chip leader on my table to bust out before the FT. It's one of my favourite tournaments that one and I think it's a real print for PLO grinders. I haven't done the math but I assume that the KO system and the shear softness in the early stages make ROI's go through the roof. I feel like I need to work on my play in the clutch spots. Maybe i'll seek coaching later in the year from someone who has a good record of closing stuff out, I think this is a massive deal in poker and is often overlooked. It's obviously a mental game aspect and thusly can be worked on.

Bonus Hand of the week:

http://www.boomplayer.com/en/poker-h...269_B8B7D8727B

Was tough to select just one as there were a few classics in there. If people enjoy HH's I'll try and put some more in.

I guess that's all for now, primarily my current focus is on improving my health and getting back on an even keel. Looking forward to hopefully getting my into grind condition in the near future.

Why don't you come to Tournies? You could do really well

Is this a coaching offer 😬 in return I can offer hearty banter and some top notch anecdotes.

In all seriousness I've had some success in online tournaments in the past year. I think I've been blessed with more than enough run good however during that spell. I think that deep down I've always enjoyed cash though, the depth, the decisions and I think I primarily enjoy PLO over Holdem in many respects. Interestingly I have discussed with some of my poker friends lately about how it seems there is a lot of EV in online tournaments in the current climate. They feel soft. I would like to work on my clutch play as I have a lot of 30-10th finishes. However, I don't know whether it's worth completely dedicating myself to a different sector of poker this late on in my poker career.

Always enjoy reading your blog Pads, including the tourney HH's. Hope 2016 is treating you well.

Occasionally I'll just chuck in some hands from sessions to show the different facets of PLO...sometimes a big bluff (like the other day), sometimes a 'fu PLO you're the most tilting game ever'

Like this:

http://www.boomplayer.com/poker-hand...321_FBA3DAD20D

Wow that's ugly.

Subbed and best of luck man.

Poker

What's up guys. I've continued my grind primarily online lately. A mixture of zoom and 5c PLO mainly. The odd mtt here and there. I was planning on potentially returning to live poker for a session yesterday and then eventually backed out on the grounds that basically my health has been vastly improving lately and I think part of that has been the relaxed day to day lifestyle I've been having, not sitting for obscenely long hours, light exercise, eating well, fresh air etc and so I think until i'm back to absolute 100% dodging the Vic is likely worthwhile.

Hands

http://www.boomplayer.com/en/poker-h...368_13D24A3CB8

this 2nd one is a bonus hand vs 2p2er 'Joeri' aka love2playU, long term beast and PLO crusher, it nicely highlights how god damn hard it is to get it in good vs him...

http://www.boomplayer.com/en/poker-h...306_4C774BDE87

Happy to find a chop!

Health

I know this isn't of great interest to most but it's obviously been a big problem in my life lately. My blood tests, that have been annoyingly frequent and thorough, have all been coming back clear. I think as long as I fade this latest round it appears that my issues this year have been mental and stress based, probably based on a back log of years of anxiety, having huge swings, worries, highs, lows etc all taking their toll. People often overlook the mental illnesses and think it's embarrassing to show stress or anxiety. However, what I've experienced this year has been a hell. If it turns out it does get diagnosed as a mental issue I'll continue to discuss it in here, how I've been trying to change my lifestyle so that I feel better day to day. Also if anyone has experienced similar issues and wants to PM about it feel free because these things are much harder to get through than many know and belief.

GL all.