If you're obsessed with Buffy you're making a pretty weird and bad mistake by not watching Angel. Even if seasons 1-2 aren't great, 3-4 are solid and 5 is as good as the best Buffy.
I loved Buffy/Angel when I first watched them in the '00s. I re-watched Buffy seasons 1-2 recently though and my opinion of the show dropped dramatically. You can see my opinions on the S2 finale the first time in the OP here:
http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/63...-spoilers-350/
And then 5 years later I post in the thread again right after finishing the S2 finale for the second time.
In a recent ranking I did of all shows I've watched, I took all Whedon shows off the table because I can't trust my old opinions.
Regarding Xander - was never really a fan, and completely agree that he is unforgivably cruel to Buffy at times (beginning of S3). To be fair though, other characters do that crap as well. Whedon in general seems to have a warped view of how true friends and family treat each other in non-abusive relationships.