Plenty of good questions that justify discussion itt. Is Cutler the guy going forward? Is our roster starting to look like a roster that will have multiyear super bowl equity? Are Packers fans the lowliest group of people assembled for a common purpose since the latest board meeting at Comcast or the John Mayer tourbus or whichever employee training meeting teaches the assembly line workers how to bury that small plastic scooper at the bottom of a new bucket of protein powder so I have to fish around with my hand and germ the whole thing up???
And while I think the answer to each of those questions is "no," I think that this morning they are also missing the point, because guys we've got to snap out of it: Today we play the last game of the season, in Chicago, against the Packers, winners go playoffs, losers go home.
Playoffs! And if we make the playoffs, anything can happen, right? Just get in the playoffs, clean slate, chip and a chair, and then it's a brand new season right? So let's just win today and we'll just take it one game at a time, right???
No...no, that's wrong. We are men here, and as men we musn't kid ourselves--if we get in the playoffs then my friends, we're going to get raped, in our mouths and ears and anally in our hindparts, repeatedly, vigorously, without mercy or tenderness or fear of meaningful retribution. But none of that matters now.
Today we play the last game of the regular season, in Chicago, against the Packers, the loser goes home and the winner goes playoffs. And even if our playoff prospects are bleak, I'd rather go down swinging in the playoffs than go down on my aunt while only listening to the playoffs on twenty television sets at once in walmart's A/V department like a snaggletoothed median Lion fan with nothing to live for beyond the dream of a comedy central Kid Rock roast. Now is not the time for analytics or foresight or half-empty glasses or ****ing excuses. We're talking about the Packers! We're talking about the playoffs! And while I get the impulse to rationally discuss our litany of gripes, today is not the time for rational thought, today is not the time for emotional hedging, and if for the rest of the afternoon any of us starts to slump over into the modern posture of a thoughtful pessimistic Bears fan, then maybe we should try sitting up a little straighter, a little manlier, a little more ursine, maybe we should imagine that somebody is pulling a string on the top of our heads because that's a great first step to outstanding posture, and THEN maybe it's time to take our glasses that are half-empty and to fill those glasses up with coffee and whiskey and cocaine and a sauce that is hot and red until the cup runneth over and then we should drink deep until our thirst is quenched and then break the glass over the nearest packers fan's head found swaddled somewhere in the mesofoam of a cartoonish hat of cheese, and then gather all the broken glass bits and chew them up and then BEAR DOWN for as long as it takes until you can crap out even sharper and angrier glass to arm yourself with against today's invasion of lemony limy mustachioed twinkletoed dorks who look like they are taking time off between pinewood derbies to cheer their sons on with literal cowbells for the big 2A quarterfinal game. And THIS is the team that is going to come into CHICAGO and take our PLAYOFF SPOT???
not gonna happen
NOT TODAY
go Bears go Bears go Bears GO YOU ****ING BEARS LET'S GO
respect the rivalry
respect the players
and when our work is done don't gloat in their thread just silently smile at the excuses, "waaah but Rodgers was hurrrrrrt" "booohoooooooo but he was obviously russsstyyyyy" "oh who cares NFC Norrrrrisssssssss" "McCarthy costs us three winnnnns a yearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" "waaaaaaah" "waaaaaaaaaaaaaah" "I live in an unincorporated township I gargle the cheese that I coax from the loins of godgers godgers godgers"
BEARS BEARS BEARS
BEARS BEARS BEARS
GO BEARS
GO
VOLLEYBALL
PRETTY
CHICAGO
BEARS
FLAG
EGG NOG