Gonna try to write this short and to the point. I was married over 10 years and wife passed away in 2008. In her ny state pension fund she had around 8 grand. At time of her death i notified the pension that she passed and was making claim for her money. I was notified that i'm not the beneficiary of her money. She has the right to choose whoever she wanted. Because of no will and such i never found out who was the beneficiary. Cut to the chase, i requested a hearing and showed up for this yesterday in Long Island New York. video conference was set up into Albany. Hearing starts and guy introduces himself as so and so from ny state comptroler and this old man dreesed like a priest sits down. I was like wtf is this. He introduces himself as pastor so and so from united methodist church and hes the beneficary. I felt this numming efffect and here is a pastor who drove 5 hours to sit down at a hearing lol. He didn't say a word and i explained my case and had medical evidence that when this was changed dotors felt her mind wasnt stable. He could care less and just sat there motionless. Maybe it's me, but knowing that a husband is involved and she had mental instability would it not be fair to say something like how bout we split the money. Im her husband not some 4th cousin or ex husband. So much for believing in god and doing the right thing. Am i wrong here..feedback is appreciated. Do i have any play here should i contact a supervisor and ask if they could work out an agreement..honestly 50 percent seems kinda fair. After all we live in a world of tryingto do what is right. don't we??

uh, get a lawyer?

Sorry for your loss

Ideally, you would get a lawyer. Only problem is that we're not dealing with a big sum of money. Paying per hour will qickly exceed the amount of the claim. Contingency will probably take at least a 1/3 or more. So your instinct to strike a deal is probably best.

I would put a letter together, explaining the situation, attach any medical information you have and explain that you are of the opinion she was not of sound mind at the time she changed her benefciary. It would be best if you could have an actual statement from her doctor that this is the case. Ask for them to do what is right but maybe suggest they keep 25% if you think it will help convince them.

Don't send it straight to the pastor, go to whatever legal entity is behind the church (I don't know how these things are set up). Is there a board?

If that fails, you can always sue them in small claims court, you don't really need a lawyer and its generally not that expensive. But make sure you have the doctor's report saying she was not of sound mind.

Hope this helps.

Yes...you are wrong. Why are you blaming the church? You anger is directed improperly. If she put the church as the beneficiary then that's who get's the money. If she wanted you to get 50%... she would have put that in the trust. These things should be handled before the fact and this sort of thing wouldn't occur. "So much for believing in god and doing the right thing."
Seriously? You think believing in God has anything to do with this? Your wife listed someone other than you as the beneficiary of her trust and you make a statement like that? Wow.

There's always the possibility the church performed some act for her for which she was grateful.

Sorry for your loss.

If she was not mentally compentent at the time due to a medical condition, then no, that's not necessarily true. However it will, as I posted above, be on OP to provide evidence of that.

OP, I would also write the insurance company right away and ask them to hold off giving writing a cheque while this dispute is pending. Your letter to the church should also advise them against spending the money (if they've already received) pending the resolution of this dispute.

Edit: your full letter should be sent to the insurance company to (the one paying the benefit).

Edit 2: you seem to indicate you took part in some sort of hearing? was there a decision? Who did the hearing? Is there an appeal process?

edit: sorry, posted in wrong thread.

Edit to comment: If she knowingly and willingly gave the money to the church in her right mind, wouldn't you want to respect her wishes? If she wasn't, I hope the issue is straightened out effectively and you receive what your wife would have wanted you to.

I don't think anyone here can really comment which is the case, being so far removed.

Not sure what believing in God or "doing the right thing" has to do with what you posted. IMO, the right thing to do is to put the money where your wife wanted it to go.

Did you post this in the wrong thread?

ninja edit IMO

Thanks for the responses. I'm dealing with alot of unknowns which makes this situation very muddy. I was the beneficiary from 1990 thru 2003. When we had marital problems in hast she changed it. She had not been involved with the church for years and when she was very sick had another faith speak to me about her situation. So, this is not a case of a person who attended the church for years and decided to leave her money to them. This is similiar to money being left to an unknown. I have medical evideence that was shown that she wasn't stable during the period the beneficiary was changed. I was her husband, yet pastor sat there in hearing didn't say a word...is this fair or god's will...I would think a compromise would be fair to all entities. I would thin this is getting close to pastor in hearing this all and not thinking something is wrong of him being cold..i'm wrong or have some merit here.

Hmmm, that's gonna go pretty strongly against you. If she is just mad at you and so changes the beneficiary there is probably nothing wrong with that and you will likely by SOL. I don't know what you mean by not stable but incompetence doesn't just mean she's got some adjustment problems, or is depressed, etc. She really needs to be unable to manage her financial affairs, etc. It's a pretty high test and will not be declared by doctors lightly. By doctor's report I mean an explicit statement by a doctor that she was incompetent to make legal decisions, I don't just mean looking through her medical records and seeing that she had problems.

What evidence do you have that she was not mentally stable?

Did you have medical power of attorney over her?

whats the evidence?

also, i strongly urge you to consider the use of paragraphs.

The church could accept the money (honoring the wifes wishes) and then donate back to the OP. If I was in the position of the church I would not feel good about keeping the money left from somebody I didn't know in a situation where it was under dispute.

This is the letter the doctor wrote, mrs XXX was a patient from 8/2003 to 12/2003. During that time she displayed behavior which was abberant. She was delusional and disoriented showing signs of erratic behavior. At that time I feel her mental status was impaired and her ability to make life decisions was compromised. There will be another hearing and perhaps ill have further med documentation and testimony..however the total sum of 8 grand might not be worthwhile. I guess my plauy will be to contact a superintentdant or bishop in the area and explain my situation and ask for a compromise. My op was about how a church drove 5 hrs to go to a hearing and sat there hearing how there was extenuating circumstances and how he didnt say a word. Apparently many don't feel this is odd wjhatsoever.

the doctor wrote all that?

I see it as either/or. Either your wife was of sound mind when she directed her wishes for this money going to the church, or she wasn't. If she was, it should go to the church. If she wasn't it should all go to you. But you have to prove she wasn't, which won't be easy. Btw- I think your willingness to settle for 50% hurts, rather than helps your case.

If it were me, I'd let it go. There's no reason for animosity towards the church either. They have done nothing wrong (in this case). They do plenty wrong elsewhere.

That's rather presumptuous ....

I wish to express my sympathy for your loss.

Nothing about this is surprising to me. A church was named as a beneficiary to an estate so they sent a representative to the probate hearing. There he was confronted with a family member who was surprised/unhappy with the beneficiary choice. I doubt that he had the authority to give half of the money away, particularly since the scenario of a family member unhappy with the disbursements made by a deceased relative cannot be unusual. Nothing he said was likely to make the situation better, so he wisely kept his mouth shut.

I disagree with Max though, if I were the decision maker at the church I doubt if I would return the money. The deceased's wishes should be respected unless there is substantial proof that their ability to make decisions was totally impaired throughout the entire time period in question. Otherwise she could have changed the beneficiary.

If this church representative knew nothing about you... what would you expect him to say at the hearing?
The church he represents was awarded these funds by your late wife...he doesn't know if you are just some disgruntled husband or what your motives are for contesting what he legally has rights to concerning the funds.
In his eyes, I presume, your wifes wishes were for the church to receive the funds. If you walked in with a legal medical document proving that your wife was of unsound mind when she made them the beneficiary, perhaps things would have been different.
"During that time she displayed behavior which was abberant. She was delusional and disoriented showing signs of erratic behavior."
I'm also not convinced that a judge would read this as mentally unsound.
Aberrant is nothing more than departing from the norm. Someone who colors their hair blue and wears a nose ring would be exhibiting aberrant behavior but wouldn't mean they are mentally unstable.
Delusional.... half of the people on this forum are delusional in one way or another.

"At that time I feel her mental status was impaired and her ability to make life decisions was compromised."
Then this would have been the time to seek medical power of attorney.


What seemed odd to me was your statement about "believing in God and doing the right thing" because the church accepted money that was legally bequeathed to them.

This actually is pretty strong, doctors don't tend to write something like this lightly, although I agree for a hearing I would prefer to be more precise. All in all the doctor's note is pretty good evidence that she was not mentally capable of making legal decisions at the time.

The part you quoted is his words...not the Dr.s'

"At that time I feel her mental status was impaired and her ability to make life decisions was compromised."

Seven crusades should be bountiful evidence of the endless greed of churches. It takes a lot of money to pay people who produce very little.

You might try the Disabilities Law Clinic at Albany Law School (class of 95] , I do not know if its free or low cost, or if they would be interested in your matter, but if so it might be a cost effective way to try to get the funds. Of course, if you truly believe the church unfairly influenced her. If not, Id say let it go. sorry for your loss.

Ridiculous statement.