BANGKOK – History is being made, but not in the bedrooms of frustrated American expatriate women in Thailand’s capital, who continue to report little or no success in converting the euphoria of Barack Obama’s recent presidential victory into any kind of romantic or sexual action.
“It’s depressing, frankly,” said Camilla Morganstern, an American expat in Thailand for six years and a member of Democrats Abroad since the 2004 election. “This was supposed to be the greatest moment in our generation, and I guess it was, but I still went home alone. It was worse than New Year’s Eve last year, and the year before.”
The November 4 election victory of the first black president of the United States, as well as the perceived repudiation of the globally unpopular Bush administration, sent waves of euphoria and celebration throughout cities in not just America, but throughout the world, where informal polls favored Obama over his Republican rival by a 5 to 1 margin. Celebration events around the world brought together people united in their relief and hopefullness to drink, watch CNN’s replay of Obama’s acceptance speech, and pair up with strangers for election-victory sex. And while expatriate women in cities as diverse as Paris, Berlin, Mumbai, Cairo, and Moscow reported exceptionally good results in hooking up, Bangkok expat women reported disappointing results for the 7th straight election.
“Statistically, this should have been the sexiest, drunkest, most carefree and condom-less orgy of celebration since we tracked statistics,” said Dr Stanley Offram, a researcher in the field of election sex at the University of Florida. “The Obama election brought together an unprecedented variety of young people, fueled by a sense of revolutionary empowerment, plus the radical intoxication of breaking a racial barrier. By our estimates the odds of getting laid at an Obama victory event should have been 78%, and on average about 25% on any given day between the election and the inauguration.”
Despite these projections, the estimated number of expatriate women who managed to find a sex partner at the Democrats Abroad party at the Road House BBQ on November 5 was less than 5%, the lowest reported worldwide. Out of 41 single, available farang women who attended the party, only two, aid worker Debbie Stanovic and Pilates instructor Sarah Oberlin, had sex that night. Among the other 38 were many reports of near-misses and promising starts, but none were able to close the deal.
“When I saw Ben (Rutherford) at the bar I thought for sure I’d score,” said Liz Berber, a consultant with Deloitte. “Ben and I used to work together at Citibank Gold and we kinda dated for a while,” she explained. “I’d heard he just broke up with his girlfriend Jiraporn and I knew he was a rabid Bush-hater, so I thought it was a sure thing when he gave me a big hug. But after doing kamikaze shots and cheering at the TV screen, he said he was off to meet some friends down on ‘Silom’. He didn’t invite me. What the hell?
The weeks since the election have been similarly unproductive, leading many expatriate women to plan for a final push for victory sex at last night’s inauguration parties. “Some of us figured the inauguration was an even better environment, since it was more casual and had all sorts of Hollywood stars and music performances,” said teacher Rachel Tynsdale. “So Liz and I got really dressed up, and went to the Road House again. We figured that the Obama shirts we wore last time just weren’t sexy enough, and maybe sent the wrong message.” But despite the investment in appearances, Rachel managed to only get a phone number from a freelance photographer after chatting him up for a full 45 minutes. “He said he wanted to see me again, but that he had to go meet someone,” she explained. “ He didn’t say who.”
Some women were angry at the men they had come to see as their partners in political ideology. “What the **** is wrong with these men?” demanded a visibly drunk Eleanor Moreno, a graduate studies student. “After all the camraderie, the shared hopes, the nail-biting primaries, the catharsis and the hugs, after all that talk about the new world and change, they all vanish at midnight to go to Patpong? ****ers. If I’m going to be cast off like that I might as well be a goddamned Republican.”
For their part, the men defended their non-actions. “Hey, I like what I like,” said journalist David Kirkdale. “A historical election and all the champagne in the world isn’t going to reverse my taste in women.” When asked to elaborate on what kind of women he liked, he said “you know, thin ones.”
Some women remained sanguine about the poor results, insisting that sex wasn’t the point as long as the nation and world were starting a new chapter, as well as noting that expat women also reported low incidence of election sex in Manila, Tokyo, Shanghai, Rio De Janeiro, and Caracas. “The next eight years are going to be a turning point in history, and that’s what counts,” said Teena Carmek, a strategic planner. “On the other hand, if during that time, men in Bangkok learned to look past shallow beauty and start appreciating women for being intellectual and political partners, well, let’s just say that would be change I could believe in.”
