couldn't properly quote these on mobile:

thanks floppy. the hard part will be the services. its one of those situations where im going to want to stand with his family at the wake, even tho i'm not blood. the way i see it is that if his dad yelled at me like i was his own when i was being a little **** then its only natural that i stand with them.

for sure. my mind is currently flooded with memories. some good some bad. thats life. he wasnt always my best friend, but he'll always be my first friend.

-------------

ok workout stuff to distract myself:

temperature was moderate and comfortable. probably 65 to 70. didnt really sweat a lot compared with recent workouts. some of that is definitely temperature and i hope some of that is adaptation.

squats were surprisingly easy. i think my body has adapted to the increased workload nicely so far. i tried a single at 185. it felt really easy so i increased 5 lbs from last squat(monday 190x3x5). last reps went up faster than usual. maybe big jump to 205 next time.

press was really hard. last reps on all sets went very slowly. so i dropped to 110 for the 3rd set. still only got 2 weak reps. this is definitely a 2 or 3 workout jump to 115. i told my friend about the washers that are good for press progression and he knew what i meant. until one of us comes up with the washers we will both continue to struggle on this exercise most likely. either way, its a 10 year old personal record for me just to unrack and press 115 a few times, so i got that going for me.

deadlift is progressing nicely. i wasnt sure about grip strength so i figured better safe than sorry. did first rep of 285 with double overhand. last 4 reps were all with alternate grip, with my right hand palm forward. not sure about which hand to do in which direction but it felt good. bar was pretty slw to move but it didnt get stuck anywhere once i got it moving. last rep was a ****ing rush. my new personal record for weight and reps.

then i went out for late lunch with my lady friend to a pizza and sub shop that we used to hang out at when we were kids. had a big burger with a bunch of stuff on it and i declined the fries.

I havent done **** since last workout. The only semi active thing ive done is pitch some wiffle balls on Saturday. I feel fine about it.

However today I'm getting back on the horse. Plan is squat 200x3x5 press 115 for 3 sets of whatever. And Deadlift 295x1x5. I hope its an early workout.

Wake and funeral last night. I went right when it opened and saw his family. I managed to say I'm sorry to them individually. Then I went home until the 8pm ceremony. Saw some important people from my past. Missed some that I would have liked to see but u couldn't hang out there for 3 hours. 20 minutes was enough.

I knelt by my friend and prayed. Then I said goodbye.

I hung out for maybe 5 more minutes before I knew I needed space.

Life goes on today.

445 pm workout. Had the rack to myself today. Been sleeping and eating poorly but I went for it anyway.

Low bar squats 200x3x5.

Pull ups 3/2. Chin hit bar on all reps.

Chin ups 3/3. Chin over bar on all reps.

Deadlift 295x1x4.

7pm workout. Last workout with squat rack friend. Made some progress since we started 6 months ago. I'm pretty happy about it.

Low bar squats 205x3x5.

Overhead press 115x5/4 and Then 105x3 fail 4.

Deadlift 305x1x3.

No exercise past few days. I'm playing farmer until next weekend. The peculiar dog upthread let me pet her for the first time ever this morning. It was sweet. It was also a major breakthrough that I wasnt even going to try to force on her in any way. Then later this morning she approached and let me pet her a second time. Then again about a half hour ago. I'm happy about the progress early in the endeavor.

Goats seem ok with the new arrangements and chickens dont give a **** who feeds them lol. The cat comes and goes as he pleases.

Country living 24/7 until further notice. Cue skynyrd.

Ok I have a new best friend.

https://youtube.com/shorts/MZWKDu8z6es

We're pretty tight now. Without her family here I think she had to do some soul searching. Shes not a puppy anymore. She had to figure out who she was. Then who she wanted to be. Then how to change. She has matured a ton the past week right before my eyes. This has been my toughest dog case yet. I'm really happy with the progress.

No golf no weights no basketball for almost a month. Only broke a sweat a few times doing some odd jobs. Nothing fun. After the week on the farm , I was home for 2 nights. Then I hit the road once again. This time I was in the city for 2 weeks. Girlfriend stayed with me for a week. We had a nice time and got along well. Its nice waking up next to her.

Now I'm home. Posting this morning to create some accountability. I shall not return until ive broken a sweat.

Hope youre all doing well.

Well 3 months later I decided to do a few exercises.

Pushups 5/10/10

10 second back bridge

10 bodyweight squats

10 pushups.

Managed to maintain around 200 lb for about a year now. No injuries.

I'll start by just saying that November was very tumultuous. In fact September through Thanksgiving was a stressful time, but that's life sometimes.

Played golf a few times. Visited some friends. They tell me that the 8 year old girl that I've been sharing basketball secrets with for the past few years is kicking ass at the first few practices. Showed her video of pete marovich going coast to coast through heavy traffic faster than anyone ever. Told her if she keeps dribbling up and down her long driveway at full speed she will keep improving this skill as long as she keeps practicing. Showed her mark price free throw form and pointed out the fundamentals. The important thing is that she really seems to enjoy it. She seems very competitive for a young lady.

Started a new job last week. Night shift lets out at noon. Its physical work. There were two young guys training with me. 20 and 21 years old. At the end of my 4th day in a row, as compared with the 20 year olds 3 days out of 4, and the 21 year olds 2nd day in a row, we had a trainee meeting. When the meeting had come to an end they started saying their backs hurt. I let them have their sympathetic moment with each other before sharing my 2 cents. "How old are u guys?....im 41. This is my 4th day in a row. The only thing that hurts right now is my feet. If I could tell you guys one thing that would help, lift weights. If you can put a couple hundred pounds on your shoulders and squat it, this **** will be easy."

I think the manager liked what I had to say because I got yesterday off unexpectedly, although he claimed not to know why.

So now I wake up around midnight. This schedule is going to be perfect for off day golf at dawn.

Some of you are probably familiar with Kevin Costner's role in bull Durham as crash davis. There is so much quality dialogue, but I want to analyze the pool hall scene. Near the end of the movie, co star(Andy duphrene from shawshank Idk his name at the moment) gets called to the big leagues where he is sure to impress with his lightning bolt for an arm. But he still doesnt get what crash has been trying to teach him. Crash introduces the phenom to the owner of the pool hall. Paraphrasing the introduction:

"He hit 372 in 1976."

"It was 378!"

"Thats a career, man. 25 hits. Thats what it takes. If u can get just one more hit a week thats the difference between hitting 250 and 300. One hit a week. A flair. A groundball with eyes. Just one dying quail. And you'll make it in the show."

Then crash takes a swig of bourbon I believe and we'll I guess now you all have to watch it.

This dialogue isnt about luck. Its about probability. At the end of the season there will be players that hit it in the right places more often, but only the greats could place hits well against major League competition(yo Manny Ramirez and teddy ballgame). If we think of different hit totals for different players as points on a graph, then by definition the players with more hits will be the ones that hit it where they aint. With the greats being the outliers at the top of the graph, if we look near the median, we will see lots of guys that got the right bounce more often than guys that didnt last in the big leagues.

Ive been getting in some pushups before the shift starts behind the electrical room. Today I did 5/10/10/10. Also squats and assorted dynamic warm-up stuff. My legs are currently adapting to 60 hours in 6 days on my feet doing stuff. Today was day 5 of 6. My back and upper body are fine. Cardiovascular seems good to me. However my second biggest left toe has been somewhat numb for 4 days.

I got a medium bucket at the range yesterday. Got halfway through with irons. Then several drivers. Then my left leg got tired. Hit a few wedges and I was spent. I offered the last 15 balls to the guy next to me before setting them on the ground and walking away.

Last week I asked the manager for heavy work. Two days ago they put me on the heaviest position on the warehouse floor. Then same position yesterday, which was my 6th day in a row before having today off. The boss told me that my numbers were far beyond what is expected of me after 2 days at that position.

Just a singular set of 15 pushups during warm up yesterday.

Played 9 holes yesterday after work. Didnt score well but I really enjoyed it. Stamina was there through all 9 holes. Missed a 5 foot par put on 9. Hit some good irons, which why I keep coming back. The feeling of a well struck iron coupled with the instant gratification of seeing the ball fly towards what I aimed at is what does it for me. However I'm a terrible putter.

My feet and hands are about 2/10 on the pain and soreness scale after sleeping 6pm to 130 am. My body woke up on its own at 1130pm, which is when the alarm goes off. So I said hi to my cat who snuck in bed with me while I was asleep. Then I rolled onto my other shoulder and slept 2 more hours.

Legs are tired but not in pain. Left knee and hip are holding up particularly well. Both give me moments of pain during exertion but it doesnt last.

My mind is functioning at a level that ive never experienced. I fired my psychiatrist in September. Got a new one and started new meds at 33% max dose, as compared with previous med at 100% max dose for many years. Its a long story but I think I'm heading in the right direction now. Very stable and able.

I dont think my neighbors would appreciate me lifting weights in the driveway at 230 am, but you know I want to.

730 am 20 degrees workout in the driveway. Not heavy at all. Just to go through some motions. After a short dynamic warm-up:

Powerclean + 5 front squats. 55x3. 75x1. 95x3.

115. Powerclean. 1 front squat. 3 hang cleans.

115 deadlift + 5 Romanian deadlift.

Then girlfriend showed up. Just got home and did pushups 5/5/5.

Pretty easy day yesterday. Had to be quick on my feet to keep up, but I didn't break a sweat until 8am. Was home and cleaned up by noon. Had lunch with my lady. Decent surf and turf for 24 bucks and a Sam adams. Only 6.5 hours sleep but I feel rested and ready for action after chugging an 8 cup pot of coffee in 45 mins.

Legs are a little tight but its not painful. Should loosen up fine.

After work weigh in at 11am. . I had a bagel at the halfway mark around 6am, and a bunch of liquid. 193.6 lbs.

My feet are probably a 2/10 on the pain scale right now. I used some cream made from marijuana root, st John's wort, and arnica on them after my shower.

Legs are tired but ankles and knees are good. Left hip hurts sometimes if I turn to the left the wrong way without engaging left leg and hip muscles for support.

I'm fine above that.

I've been thinking about what a good strength training program would look like for me if given ample nutrition. But I keep hearing Mickey from Rocky saying: "if you want to train for a fight that's gonna last 50 minutes then you gotta train for 50 thousand minutes! "

can't load picture oops.

Wiped out at work yesterday. It slowed me down only as long as it took me to fall and get back up. I did hit my arm hard on the way down and this is day 2 bruise development.

Got about 9 hours sleep but I didnt eat much yesterday, just a handful of Fritos at break and then two hot dogs after work.

No weights nor fun to speak of in several days. Looking forward to 3 days off every week after Christmas. Then I'm up for review in mid February to see if I'm selected as permanent employee.

You know I'd love to ramble about nonsense, but I gotta go. Peace.

Boss approached me with compliments yesterday near the end of shift. 6th day in a row starts in an hour. Then I'm free until Thursday am.

Went to bed early yesterday after shower(weigh in 195.0) and dinner. Got up at 1030pm without assistance from the 1130pm alarm. Chugged coffee and a glass of milk. Decided to get the blood flowing.

Shoulder/chest dynamic stretches for a few mins.

Pushups 5/10/12/13.

Got out early. Lifted in the driveway.

Some bodyweight squats.

Powerclean + 5 front squats up to 95x1x5.

Deadlift + 5 Romanian deadlift with shrug and ankle extension up to 152x1x5.

Then I played 9 holes of golf.

After work weigh in. 191.0 lbs. Nice break coming. 5 days off in a row starts tomorrow.

Management handed out personalized hand written holiday cards. Mine was on top.

Ive had to start really treating an open wound on my right heel. The shower and new band aid every 24 hours wasn't cutting it. Got some real wound treatment ****. It helped a ton already in 3 days.

Otherwise I'm injury free. Right arm bruise doesnt hurt anymore. Feet actually feel pretty good standing in my driveway in 30 degrees wearing dress shoes.

I predict that tonight I sleep like a baby.

I hope you all have a nice time this weekend wherever you are whatever youre doing.

Peace.

I was expecting to be very emotional this Christmas. I did fine on Christmas Eve with everyone important there. Made some people happy. Some people made me happy. Since I was 4 years old my parents invariably hosted Christmas Eve for My father's side, and Christmas day for my mother's side. Mom was very sick for Christmas 2020. Everyone did their own thing last year. Mom died a few weeks later.

My brother and his wife took it upon themselves to host both Christmas Eve and Christmas day this year. It was a nice time. When my lady and I were leaving my brother offered a hug. To be frank it may have been unprecedented. Seriously I dont ever remember hugging my brother until Christmas Eve 2021.

Christmas morning we took the scenic route to dunkin donuts a few towns over. I didn't plan it this way, but this route goes by mom's resting place. So we did a drive through by her grave. I didnt bother trying to speak. Just blessed myself as we rolled past. Took a few minutes for my eyes to stop leaking after that, but I refused to weep.

I kept it together otherwise.

-----

Day 3/5 of time off. Looks like high of 35 with lots of sun. Perfect for a lift to get the blood flowing before 9 holes in the noon sun. Still early here.

Morning coffee date took longer than usual yesterday so I didn't lift. Decided to play a difficult 18 hole golf course a few towns over with some new balls that I got for Christmas. I was on the first tee around 10am. Forecast was sunny 35. It was cloudy 30. The sun came out when I was driving home around 115pm.

Had 3 birdie putts. 15, 15, and 25 feet. 3 putted all of them.

Many par putts. 1 par on the round.

Lost 4 balls. Had a great time.

I didnt do much yesterday. Went to bed at 2pm. Got up at 1am. Chugged coffee and hung out a while. Decided I need to find a hobby for nights off. Looked up 24 hour gyms. Thought I found a good one close by. Went there. Closed. Decided to do bodyweight stuff at home. Took 20 mins.

All bodyweight stuff:

Dynamic leg and arm b.s.

Squat hold 3 x 10 seconds

Squats 5/10

Pushups 5/10 then 3x15

Squats 2x10

Overhead reach squats 2x10

Wednesday morning i was offered to take off Thursday 1am shift and I accepted. After the morning routine I walked 9 holes. Went to bed a bit late for my schedule around 5pm Wednesday. After the morning routine Thursday I walked 18. Tried to go to sleep at 4pm with no dinner. My stomach got angry around 440pm. Got up and ate some chicken. Sleeping around 515. Up at 12am today. Chugged a pot of coffee. Drank lots of liquid at work. Bagel and coffee roll at 6am. Weighed myself before a shower. 189.8 lbs. Down 35 since may 2020.

To make a long story short, my body expressed its deep disapproval of my recent behavior. I haven't woke at the same time twice in a row since before Christmas. I got no rhythm. In addition to poor sleep schedule I've been eating poorly. Too much fast food. So last night I went to work for the second time since Christmas Eve(lighter schedule after Christmas; death on girlfriends side). I lasted about 1.5 hours before I started crashing. I wasn't hustling at all, yet I was light headed and sweating quite a bit. Made it until the first break just after the 2 hour mark. Went home and slept from 4am to 9am. Woke up feeling much better. Had coffee and cereal. Lunch was a steak and cheese with veggies. Have a dry Italian sub on reserve for lunch tomorrow and a new bottle of Ken's Italian dressing.

I'm still changing but I seem to have found a sticking point of both physical and mental proportions. Life reset please. I might need some stairway to heaven.

My lady saw the burn out coming and warned me. She was very supportive other than that. Basically now I must adapt more to prove her wrong.

After that last post my health got worse. I had to leave my Friday morning shift early with covid symptoms. No cough, but I wasn't doing well. Took at home test Friday. Work said take Saturday Sunday off as well. Negative results were in Wednesday, but on either Saturday or Sunday I finished the Italian sub mentioned above. Was good but I had some mouth pain after eating. So I brushed my teeth to get stuff that might be stuck way back where it hurt. It was my least favorite tooth brushing experience of my life. There was a significant amount of blood coming from my upper left wisdom tooth. I've known this day was coming for some time. It happened today. Had top and bottom left wisdom teeth out before 11am.

So rest and recoup for now. Pretty hungry but not interested in chewing now. Should have had more than a coffee roll to eat beforehand. Had a McDonald's shake around 3pm and I'm halfway through a Pepsi.

Pain is bearable. Perhaps 7/10 the past few hours since Novacane wore off. Taking Tylenol a few times a day. Got 5 days of antibiotics too.