Tuesday blog, I logged the parm but only after the screenshot unfortunately. Still inderdaad after it though.

Wednesday log, reasonable but quite hungry today.

That liter of heineken that you keep snacking is 22% of your daily goal.

22%

Chop is bringing the hard truths! I feel your pain though yak, I like a drink myself.

Has there been a day since you started this log where you didn't have any alcohol?

There has only been one day. I usually feel the need to sedate myself because Im just kind of nervous a lot of the time. I've smoked a lot of weed everyday since I was 16 until I was 28ish, I stopped almost 3 years ago due to mental health issues and my wish to not be dependent on it anymore. Since that moment I definitely feel like my alcohol useage has risen. Im at some fine line where I don't feel like Im abusing it but also don't really feel ok with the amount of alcohol. I also have moments where during the day Ill have some kind of 'I feel like getting wasted tonight' thought pop up, I almost never do but its a reoccurring thought. Im a very busy (in the sense of active) person with racing thoughts and its hard for me to find some peace and rest, all kinds of drugs/alcohol always have seemed to help with that.

This is not some excuse story and is nowhere near the problems actual alcoholics have but I figured I'd share a bit and maybe someone has some similar experience or whatever.

So chop, you're right and I appreciate you bringing it up. I feel weak and lame for not being able to cut that simple thing out. I will have to do it at some point but I have a hard time addressing it somehow. As said, I've stopped smoking weed a few years ago and I feel like that was easy compared to this. I stopped regular smoking almost half a year ago and I feel that was easier then this as well. This alcohol thing is my last hurdle but so far I've had no successful gameplan yet.

Thursday log

Going to guesstimate saturday around 3k, had a pretty big engagement party and a lot of liquid calories, still have to upload friday I see so Ill do that tonight.

Sunday log, was a trainwreck but ended up fine;


Monday log;


Not missing the drinks there, definitely makes live easier.

Find some WIM, son

So you just dropped some butter in your soup on sunday for dinner?

I noticed I forgot to log the bread that butter was on. For one my non daily logging is not working for me, I just keep forgetting. This may seem pointless for some of you but I WILL make this work. Thanks anyone and everyone so far and sorry for letting us all down. Went on somewhat of a bender the last few days due to some depression issues. I will pick it up from here, whatever happens its important for me to post here and to realize I will make it work. There is no escaping and in the end failure is not an option. Its funny to me how I had no problem losing weight last year but how it feels like battling the devil himself this year.

Still hanging on, pretty important week coming up with a lot of school and new job stuff. Lets hope I can keep the food on the DL.

Friday log;


Saturday log;

22% is now lower, that is a good step. Keep going.

I had a health check a few days ago since I had respiratory issues and my work offered a free checkup. The values are actually way better then I thought, except for bodyfat % which was around 20% (somehow barely fine) IIRC. Still waiting on the official report. I also have no asthma so yay for that.

Had an abortion of a day sunday, had to wake up at 6 am ish to bring my gf to the airport and Im working on my school stuff pretty hard the last few days. The heat here is definitely helping not eating too much. Either my breakfast, midday pastry (lol fathers day), dinner or beers ruined the day. It depends on how you look at it. It was probably mainly just me.

Sunday log:


Im going to do something classic and do a when X is over Ill start Y;
When my school is done (wednesday night is the last assignment due) Ill start biking on my tacx everyday (or at least 5 hours a week).

I've noticed this dollar amount thing ITT really helps me at least face the music so if nothing works in the end I might have to try another one of those to motivate me at least for a little bit. Its so stupid because I talked to the health person who performed the checkup and she said how important it is to just keep your body working out a bit, especially if you're depressed and yet here I am drinking beers every night. If only we just did the right thing whenever it presented itself, but I guess thats what makes life interesting or whatever.

Monday log:


Tuesday:


Wednesday:


I was off work for the last three days, had to work on some school work which was a great success! I had two goals for these weeks which were passing this year of school and getting hired in my new job, the school one just came through so Im probably having a lonely party tonight. Not sure if Im supposed to limit my alcohol but I guess we will see. Probably wont which is a ***** but Im pretty happy about the school stuff. I might upload some pics of my health report here if I can get some snippets today.

29%

wrong direction

You could make your celebration special by not drinking instead of just turning it into an ordinary evening and drinking.

I've been wondering if I have a drinking problem or not honestly, Ill tell you I haven't got a clue. If I go on my feels its saying yes I do. If I go more rational its saying I don't. I drank like 5 beers and a bottle of cava tonight which is somewhat much for me but is probably crazy for others on a weekday. I seriously have no idea. Maybe not having a clue is a sign you have got a drinking problem.

let's just pretend I multiquoted all the times in this thread where you said something that makes it clear you have a drinking problem so I don't have to actually do it.

more of a self medicating problem obv

Ill discuss it with the gf to see what she thinks I should do, she probably agrees.

Thursday log;

37%

have to assume you are trolling us at this point

Honestly, I appreciate you posting here. Im not trolling anyone, I have some mental issues and Im afraid some have a relation with me drinking, I was upfront about how much I drank when I posted last night. Im alone this week, my fiancee is gone for a week and Im just ****ed up with a really stressful week work, school and brain wise, Im sorry but its just really important for me to do this logging thing. I never said I would ace it right away. Im just in a bad spot right now and I know this will pass to because thats how this goes. I started this log because I felt bad and I still do but Im also confident things will be better soon.

Logging is good, keep at it.

Based on the little you've posted so far, looks like you are self medicating your anxiety and related issues by abusing alcohol. You've said that you want to reduce your alcohol intake but are unable to do so. That is a problem.

Talk with your therapist about this. If you aren't in therapy, get in therapy.

There are far healthier approaches for you than substance abuse. There are lots of tools out there that you can learn to use. Get some help. Something as simple as meditation or centering activities may work wonders for you, and come with zero kcal.

Losing weight will be a lot easier once you get the substance abuse under control.

What chop said. Keep going Yak, it's good you are logging and being honest.