Hi all,

I'm afraid my questions are too bizarre for the noob thread and out of place there, so I've decided to exercise my right to have a personal thread in H&F and start collecting such questions and musings here instead.

As this is my post #8888, an extra-happy number for Asians (whose foods I'm going to incorporate into the diet), I'll start with positive news about myself here and write the bad news in later posts.

My dietary paradigm change

A single visit to a nutritionist 8 weeks ago has prompted me to reassess my attitude to food, namely, to understand that:

1. The intake of carbs should be controlled as thoroughly as the one of fats.

2. The brain doesn't consume nearly as much energy as the muscles so the cognitive ability doesn't decline when cutting carbs (moreover, it's important to prevent obesity that results in impairment in executive functioning - see the background section of this ongoing study paper).

3. Glycemic indices (the smaller the better) matter a lot for appetite control.

4. When thinking about eating anything, it's useful to imagine the future effects of consuming it.

5. Food should never be a reward. Rather, the prospect of a good physical shape is a reward.

As a result, I've lost the desire to consume the worst of my former staple foods (bread, wheat pasta, potatoes, sweets, butter, excessive sunflower oil).

So far, as a vegetarian, I don't have enough fantasy to replace them with anything but legumes (mostly green lentils and raw green beans, which are being alternated with chickpeas right now) while also eating buckwheat like before, and I've been killing my hunger between the main meals with low-calorie stuff like low-fat cottage cheese and Napa cabbage. This lack of fantasy is making me too anorexic now (but I have enough time to do something about it before I become underweight ).

Is this going to be a log?

No, it isn't - I'm extremely introverted and should be using some tailor-made methods like the ones at fitrovert.com, and I find that public humiliation exposure of results leads to self-sabotage. I'm here just to read and write general ideas that could improve my nutrition or cardio.

I'm trying MFP out but it's boring and I'd need to create new database entries the info from the actual food packs for a good precision anyway because the pre-existing DB entries are mostly for cooked food and in imperial units and I'm more comfortable counting the dry weight of food in metric units.

I counted calories roughly in my head during the first 7 weeks of rational nutrition, and according to the body scale, this imprecision didn't lead to massive overeating anyway (the worst days were those when I did grocery shopping and thus had a full fridge at my disposal, and even then I ate just at maintenance).

Do I even lift?

No, I last did it 8 years ago. I'm experiencing too much stress already because of online poker, so I'm not going to exacerbate the stress by doing anaerobic exercise. I generally walk quite fast, so this is my preferred kind of cardio so far, as long as I get out of the house, which alas happens rather seldom.

[ ] weirdness yet
but TBC when I'm in the mood (comments on the above are welcome too, though)

wtf I thought I was going to read more stuff about rubbing semen into your skin to replace lost zinc. This isn't weird stuff yet, this is obvious.

How many different food packs do you actually buy? This is easy.

^ OK, noted.

The semen topic is definitely going to be discussed Just I didn't want to stain the first post with it

To begin with, the uptake of the zinc supplement has seemingly boosted my semen production, but I'm surprisingly OK with that because I'm capable of getting off readily by just reproducing my main fetish in reality (which takes only a couple of minutes), with no fantasies about other people required whatsoever (Fwiw, I never ever watch porn; tried doing it a couple of times and was almost not aroused at all because anorexic actresses' ribs look gross.)

This means that the said fantasies are a phenomenon separate from the libido (and not required for the satisfaction of the libido). I guess that they stem from my lack of serotonin (I think I also lack dopamine) because my thoughts about girls become OCD-ish from time to time (they're not love, though, because I realize objectively that the girls are crappy and not worth changing my life).

Furthermore, it seems more like an initially directionless OCD (a targetless version of limerence) that finds directions (target girls) later and even changes them quite often (at a pace of one 'sweetheart' per 1-2 weeks). The subconscious selection of targets is usually based on my secondary fetishes that have grown out of the main one over the years.

What do you think is the cause of the above suffering? Are there ways to prevent it by nutrition?

My conjecture is that I've made a big mistake in serotonin handling.

Namely, I didn't realize that not only carbs are required to catalyze the conversion of tryptophan into serotonin, but proteins inhibit it What I was doing wrong is that I was mixing carbs with proteins sporadically, so my tryptophan-B6 supplement wasn't working as intended. I need to have one meal of raw carbs daily. Bulgur is the best candidate for this out of what I have now, though it's probably not ideal.

Also, I think a quick fix to the limerence issue is just to totally avoid thinking about people other than myself* during masturbation. I know that a girl can't occupy my mind until I actually fap to the memories of her.

* NoHomo: I imagine myself being a girl above the waist at such times, whereas what I have below the waist doesn't matter to me at all.

As far as the habit of rubbing semen into the skin goes, it obviously developed in childhood as a great way to clean up without going from the privacy of my room to the bathroom in presence of observant relatives. Now I live alone, but armed with the new knowledge that it helps not lose zinc, I'm not going to drop the habit

The relatives were also the reason for my habit of orgasming silently; maybe it's one of the major cases of my troubles because being silent keeps me from releasing negative energy

I forgot to mention an important detail: I don't want to be together with them but it seems to me that I subsconsciously dream of being incarnated into their bodies (and, of course, hysterectomized in order not to bleed monthly; having no genitals at all - and no endocrine effects associated with their absence - would be golden, but alas the human body relies too much on sex hormones). The feeling is like 'it rocks to be her', not like 'it rocks to be with her'. So basically, it's intense envy.

I know this belongs rather into the Psychology forum, but I don't like to receive canned 'take SSRIs' responses - I wouldn't like to deal with local psychotherapists because I'm afraid that telling them that I 'gamble' daily (play online poker for a kind of living) might lead to negative legal consequences (deprivation of economic freedoms on the basis of a wrong accusation of 'gambling addiction'). I'd like to find a suitable natural way to increase serotonin - this is subject to a lot of experimentation.

I've looked up nutritional info, and it looks like bulgur contains about as much protein per carb as soba (buckwheat noodles) which I've started eating vigorously. Namely, they both have 5 g of carbs per 1 g of proteins, so they're by no means raw carbs, but I hope that there's still too little protein in them to shut out tryptophan-to-serotonin conversion. In the long run, I'll need to find the best (the least harmful to the weight) form of refined carbs, of course; and to start eating more carbs, compensating for the calorie gain by doing lots of cardio.

Of course it is a fix because oxytocin released during orgasm plays a major role in 'bonding'. In fact, I've known for a few years that it's a fix but all this time I was grossly underestimating the danger of thinking about someone during an orgasm because I wasn't educated about oxytocin. What an idiot I was, it's not rocket science by any means

A discovery of Newtonian proportions

Although the dumb instruction to my zinc supplement tells not to eat anything within an hour of its intake, it turns out that apples actually boost zinc absorption, because they're rich in fructose, which is a known catalyst, and have only trace amounts of such inhibitors as phosphorus and iron (more info on interactions of zinc with other nutrients can be found e.g. here and here).

Also, apples have a much lower amount of proteins per gram of carbs than the food listed above, are almost pure carbs, hence they're great catalysts of tryptophan metabolism.

Hence it seems advisable to eat apples together with zinc and L-tryptophan-B6 supplements (but still 2 hours before foods rich in proteins, phosphorus or iron).

Someone, please disprove (or confirm ) to me that ginger is a male-at-birth libido catalyst The thing is that I once bought a full jar of ginger marinade and still have to use it somehow so I'm gonna boil ginger tea as a coffee substitute for alertness, fingers crossed for it being the correct kind of alertness.

Suggestions for sugar and morning coffee substitutes that are not male libido boosters and/or aren't too acidic will be appreciated.

The weight has been stable this year (BMI = 26) and is a far lesser concern now than general anxiety and the lack of a sleeping pattern.

What. The. ****.

You must know you have some serious issues.

How often do you leave the house?

Do you eat fresh fruits and vegetables regularly?

Is online poker profitable for you?

Could you get a job full or part time to augment your income and is it necessary for you to do so?

Oh, *now* I remember this guy.

Think I've seen this before.....

I'm quite aware, yeah.

A couple of times a week. One of the possible ways of increasing that frequency are forest walks.

Not many and not regularly. Mainly apples, bananas and napa cabbage, various mixes containing broccholi and green beans. On a side note, I eat a ton of boiled legumes.

Online poker is giving me a better likelihood of longterm survival than a real job hunt would. My current net worth is enough to survive for a few more years, it's been stagnant for the last 5 years (I've spent about as much on the life as I've earned by playing online).

FYP.

To be clear, I haven't been really following my advice to myself - - because my main fetish is sooo boooring and I haven't yet taken enough steps to spicing it up (this is a work in progress). Also, I doubt that using it is harmless - it has an anxiety-related origin and I'm afraid that recalling it increases the anxiety at the subconscious level, by reminding myself of an unresolved past conflict, even though it feels good at the conscious level.

But this part of the story is not really related to physical health.

What is related is the trade-off between alertness throughout the day and the bladder comfort (apparently, interstitial cystitis has developed because of caffeine and sucrose abuse).

A job would give you interaction with people and a reason to leave the house. While the thought of this may make u uncomfortable, it would be very good for you...even a couple of days a week. Surely there would be plenty of time left over to grind.

I think a daily walk, even a short one, is something you should commit to.

GL, I'll be reading and wishing you the best.

It really depends on who the people are. Pretty surely, the interaction with typical McDonalds customers or typical bosses at a bank would give me more stress than poker. Besides, I didn't manage to interact well even with the very nice people at the university where I had got my quasi-masters and was doing postgrad studies, though perhaps just one certain girl (who triggered mental issues that can be traced back to my childhood) is to be blamed for most of my loss of productivity and subsequent dropout.

The very reason why I turned my attention to online poker was that it pays the bills without the need to withstand face-to-face interaction.

Thanks for the good wishes, I wish you to continue your own amazing transformation!

I regret bumping this thread as I could have reread it privately, but anyway, revising it now has given me a bit more determination to do deeper psychoanalysis of my fetishes - somehow I've started feeling intuitively that I've now come close to actually forgiving myself for the underlying episodes, which can eliminate the fetishes and thus make me happily nonlibidoist, which I'd be afraid of a year ago but not now that I know that I'll never have to be intimate with anyone for any purpose.

The caffeine substitute problem still stands, though.

Green tea is obviously not ideal as its active component is caffeine too and I need to drink 2-3 (?) times more mugs of it than coffee to get the same extent of wakefulness, but at least GT has L-theanine that cancels out the side effects of caffeine such as insomnia but nevertheless its combination with caffeine boosts performance in 60-90-minute cognitive tasks.

There's a lot of GT left in my kitchen so I'll brew that leftover first. Then I may consider becoming a hardcore stacker of pills of caffeine + L-theanine

I add 200 mg of theanine to my cup of coffee. EZ game, but it can work with caffeine pills too. Powder is much cheaper.

Yeah, I've read some nootropic supplement descriptions at trackmystack.com, looked up the prices at the local drugstores and found out that a stack of powders won't eat too much into my budget.

My stack may end up like this (I need focus, motivation and mood improvement urgently so I'm taking the risk of being exhausted or otherwise ****ed up in 3 months ):

Noopept 20 mg
Piracetam 2.4 g (30 mg/kg)
Choline bitartrate 500 mg
L-Carnitine 500 mg
L-Tyrosine 500 mg
Caffeine - sodium benzoate 100 mg*
L-Theanine 250 mg
Fish oil 1.5 g

* and cancel caffeinated drinks altogether, of course.

Suggestions are welcome. Bear in mind that modafinil and bromantane are banned here, while noopept is cheap because it's produced locally.

I don't know anything about the first five items on your list nor the banned ones. I think for focus, motivation and mood improvement your time and effort (and money) would be better spent coming up with a good exercise routine and working meditation into your schedule. I know you've expressed walking is your preference and you are wary of the "stress" from lifting, but working up a sweat with an elevated heart rate can have enormous brain-boosting effects. I'm not even saying nootropics are worthless, but for better, more immediate, tangible, and easily modified results it's really exercise by orders of magnitude. Spark is a good starting point. Basically find the (generally steady-state cardio) exercise, the intensity, and the duration that works for you for brain benefits instead of worrying about "stacking". This could wind up being walking, but power walking with some juggling mixed in or something.

The meditation has a number of benefits including massively improved focus and executive control after a few months, but in your case specifically I'm thinking of the "activates social features of brain" and improving your ability to relate to people. There's a meditation thread here in HF that has a number of good resources in it. Definitely try "loving kindness" and "cultivating compassion" meditations eventually.

Indeed, meditation and exercise are useful in the long run, but in the short term, I'd rather dedicate the next 3 months to getting a credit card debt off my chest, therefore I need something both time- and cost-efficient that will get me back in the online poker groove asap. So I don't want to spend more than half an hour a day on exercise.

I've just realized that I've left out the most important detail for my public image when I was bumping the thread

The BMI was 32 at the start, then some effort borderline with anorexia brought it to 23 within 4.5 months (i.e. by Christmas), or, for those who prefer absolute numbers, it was a 65 lb / 30 kg drop.

Then I let the BMI float freely in the 23-27 range (25 currently) throughout this year because switching the location will require me to move around a lot more in August so I need to avoid starvation right now in order to reduce the ana/mia amplitude.

What I'm afraid of is overdoing the exercise. There's some obscure threshold in time (20 minutes?) and intensity beyond which it stops boosting the body tone and starts bringing fatigue instead and raising the cortisol level that's already sky high. I'm afraid that I can inadvertently go beyond that magic point.

Though, actually, there's also some bad childhood memory **** that makes me more anxious about starting to exercise at all, especially in public. The most that I can do is general beginner aerobic in my room.

Given that last post, I think you have many fundamental misunderstandings of exercise and it's benefits.

Yeah I really think you should read 'Spark' for an in depth discussion of exercise effects by time. It seems like something you could geek out about in a good way, whereas right now your perspective seems tainted by random tidbits. There are some major benefits to be had specifically by exercising for over 50 minutes at a time, and going to point if you do that 3x per week, you'll be spending less than 30 minutes per day!

As a more immediate exercise suggestion to the constraints you state; how about jumping rope for 2-3 minutes at a time several times per day? Assuming you can do this in your room, it can build a quick pump and wakes you up for a few hours.

Surprisingly, caffeine pills are a prescription drug here, perhaps because of the side effects of sodium benzoate, so I think I'll just go with 4 cups of green tea (giving 100-120 mg of caffeine) in the morning and afternoon + 250 mg of L-theanine in the evening (after poker).

I'll try to make sense out of a recent review 'Neuromodulation of Aerobic Exercise' and the articles citing it, though it's a bit hard for me to comprehend medical articles.

You are talking about drinking matcha and not just regular green tea (like tea bags), right?

Also in the evenings before sleep I only take 100 mg theanine and would suggest you try it at that lower level first.