2/29/16

Leg day.

goblet squat 33x12x4
1-leg bridge 12x22x4
leg kickback 23x14x4
calf raise 33x15x4

I can do a 1-leg squat down to about 10 inches but I still can't quite do a full one. Getting closer tho.


3/1/16

Abz

hanging leg raise 10x4
ab roll 12x4
side crunch 18x14x4
knee hugs 16x4

Daaamn Daniel. I would be happy with ur mid section.

I look exactly like u 16 months ago, but with a big ass gut. Now I put on some muscle and look way better with my belly.

Sorry for the anxiety, I have that too but prob not as severe.

3/2/16

135 lbs

Weight has been stagnant for a month cuz I've been slacking on food.

Back day.

bentover db row 46x14x4
db deadlift 46x9x4
1-leg db deadlift 28x12x4
seated row with resistance bands 15x4

3/3/16

Upper body.

pushups 20x4
chinups 6x4
lateral raises 13x12x4
shrugs 33x25x4
1-arm tricep extension 13x10x4

I need to eat more and stay disciplined with tracking macros. Today the cals was like 2/3 ice cream and cookies, hence the high carb low protein, but whatevs.

cals 3049
protein 86.5
fat 163
carb 334

Tomorrow marks 2 months since I started this thread. Will post fresh noodz for comparison.

Today is a rest day. Took some new pics. I don't really see any difference. I know I've gotten stronger, but I haven't been eating enough the last 2 weeks.

3/5/16

goblet squat 33x13x4
1-leg calf raise 33x16x4
1-leg bridge 13x18x4
1-leg kickback 23x16x4

3/6/16

lying leg raise 18x4
side crunch 23x11x4
knee hug 18x4
ab roll 12x1

3/7/16

db deadlift 46x8x4
1-leg db deadlift 28x12x4
bentover row 56x8x4
1-arm bentover row 23x16x4

3/8/16

chinup 6x4
pushup 16x5
1-arm tricep extension 13x10x4
lateral raise 13x12x4

Weighed in at 138.4 lbs today. I'm sick of counting macros. Ima just eat as much as I can and let the scale tell me if I'm not eating enough.

3/9/16

Rest day.

3/10/16

goblet squat 38x12x4
1-leg calf raise 38x18x4
1-leg bridge 18x14x4
1-leg kickback 28x14x4

3/11/16

knee huugs 20x4
hanging leg raise 11x2

3/12/16

1-arm bentover row 28x13x4
1-leg stiff leg db deadlift 28x13x3
bentover db row 56x10x3

3/13/16 - 3/15/16

Had a weird illness in which I had no energy, a bitchin headache, and the poops for 3 days. I managed to force myself to do 20 pushups and 20 knee hugs each day.

3/16/16

chinup 5x6
pushup 15x6
lateral raise 13x12x5
1-arm tricep extension 13x10x4
shrugs 43x16x4

Current IG crush:

if you have problems getting your kcals in , how bout some shake magic ? pretty easy to chugg 1500 kcal down in 5 minutes

also you might take a look into some form of meditation ? but proceed with caution !

I actually just started reading a book on transcendental meditation. I wanted to try it after reading David Lynch's autobiography.

I sometimes do mindfulness meditation, and have been doing it for years, but I find it really hard to do it consistently every day.

I drink a whey shake about every other day that's about 700 cals. It's really just about effort for me. I can get a good caloric surplus if I have the energy to lift and eat. If I don't have the energy and motivation on a particular day, I won't eat enough, won't lift enough, and won't drink any shakes.

whey, oats , coconut milk , cocoa powder , peanut butter , whatever

maybe take a look at the app "headspace" , this keeps you motivated and start off small and helps you stick with it

also dunno bout you but lynch depresses me to the max, probably would stay away

keep it up !

Lynch is a surprisingly normal happy well adjusted guy, considering his movies. And I love his movies, but I expected him to be a really ****ed up depressed guy.

The psychiatrist said I could try a whole 25mg seroquel tablet instead of half + xanax at night. Last night I took 25mg and I felt like my arms and legs were a little numb and I kept twitching and tossing and turning. Which is kinda the standard symptoms I get when trying to sleep without xanax. Finally at 2am I said **** this, took a xanax and slept ok.

use any rec drugs or have a high amount of stimulants in your diet? caffeine?

nooooo I'm not into drugs at all and I'm extremely sensitive to caffeine. I can't even eat more than 3-4 bites of a chocolate bar because the caffeine will make me freak out.

good to hear that stuff doesnt help mental illness. i know you have prob heard this but you gotta get to the root of the anxiety stuff and learn how to step out of your comfort zone. find a support group\ people that are willing to help you and take small steps. you may really need the meds you take and i am not a dr so i will not tell you to stop taking them but imo there is no better medicine for anxiety then healthy routine and fitness. establish some goals and accomplish them, it will give you insane relief and confidence. you have a life to live and you are the captain of your ship, remember who you are and why you are doing whatever it is. i come back and you tell me about your ballsy goals and how you are taking small steps to conquer all this.

^it's not that easy mane. nobody will understand someone with anxiety. seems like op has more than 1 type of anxiety but he did mention he has social anxiety. i have developed somewhat social anxiety and feel weird af when im on the train or the bus. i also find myself rehearsing what im going to order when i get food or coffee so i dont make a mistake and make a fool out of myself. i also cant look people straight in the face.

all of this goes away with some... alcohooool lol

Thanks for the encouragement, especially after I vomited all over your Crossfit thread.

I've been going to a psychologist once a week for almost 2 years. As for support groups there's a funny story about that. My therapist told me about a social anxiety support group that she thought might be good for me. I emailed the group administrator and she told me we should talk on the phone or in person before I go to the group so we can make sure it's the right place for me. Then she listed a few questions she would ask and they were all very open ended like "talk about youraelf and why you want to be in this group" and **** like that. Basically like crappy job interview questions. Since answering open-ended questions about myself in person or on the phone is incredibly anxiety provoking for me, I asked her if I could just answer by email. She said no and insisted we talk in person or on the phone. I never responded to her after that.

I have so much social anxiety that I can't get into a social anxiety support group.

I have a thread in the House of Blogs forum that I post all my emo stuff and deeper issues in, so if you really want to know where my mental issues come from you can read this thread, or just skip to post #13: http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/22...-less-1573865/

I disagree that there's "no better medicine than healthy routine and fitness." At least not when your anxiety is so bad that it's impossible to exercise. There's no better medicine than medicine. I need the meds to be able to exercise and eat. There was a time before I was on meds that I couldn't eat because I couldn't breathe while I was chewing and any exercise more strenous than walking would induce a panic attack.

There is no one or even two or three cures for anxiety for most people. It's about finding the right meds, talk therapy and/or support group, having a healthy social and family life, having some structure (job/responsibilities), eating healthy, exercise, meditation or learning to control your breath. These are all important, and they're all interrelated to an extent.

I think people without anxiety could understand it, but most people without anxiety don't realize how much meds are needed in some cases and how much work it takes to treat anxiety.

Have you seen a therapist? I really think it would help you, considering this and your eating issues. Have you at least tried some over the counter anti-anxiety stuff like valerian root, passionflower, tryptophan, theanine?

There were a few years where I used alcohol as a medication for anxiety. It worked... until it didn't. One day I noticed that whenever I drank alcohol I got short of breath, so I had to stop. And when I say it "worked" for a few years I mean it just suppressed my thoughts/feelings temporarily. It never helped me get to the root of the problem, in fact it makes it much more difficult.

You gotta feel your feels bro.

Dude, often read your thread, haven't commented yet. Just want to say massive respect about being honest with this kind of stuff...

I hope you get through your anxiety, I have no advice...

p.s. You said your Irish, where do you come from? I'm from the North!

Thanks. According to my mother's geneology research, most of my family was from Cork.

Cork is a great city, although they talk like they are singing most of the time..!

so the goals are?

oh ok i see in your other blog

hmm, no therapist. i would feel very weird talking to one. also no drugs, im all natty.

as for my eating issues... this may sound weird but i've noticed my results at the tables dictate what i eat. for some reason i turn to food when i have a bad day. ive been on a nice little winning streak lately and almost out of a 4k downswung. my diet has cleaned up again ever since i started winning. i just get so pissed i just want to eat everything in site when i lose. u probably know i was rock bottom a couple weeks back. stuck huge and ate like shiet. i never want to do that to myself ever again.

So what you're saying is, your emotional state dictates how you eat? That's unhealthy, that's probably an eating disorder. I'm glad you're in a better mood at the moment, but if you don't make some more fundamental changes it's only a matter of time before another poker downswing hits or some other life event puts you in a bad mood and you go back to eating ****ty.

Talking to a therapist is not easy. It's work. Sometimes it sucks and stirs up bad **** that I don't want to think about. If talking to a therapist is totally comfortable, it means the therapist sucks at their job.

You think it'd be weird to talk about eating too much to a therapist? A few weeks ago my therapist asked me what I think about when I wank and how often. That was uncomfortable as ****. But after a couple deep breaths I gave her an honest answer. I know that when she makes me uncomfortable its for a good reason. I can tell her anything and she'll use the information to help me. It took me about 1.5 years of going to therapy once a week to get to the point where I could tell her stuff like that.

Step 1: Find the right therapist for you.
Step 2: Spend the time and effort to work through the process with them.
Step 3: Get to a point where you feel completely safe telling them anything.
Step 4: Let the magic happen.