Stats

Age: 33
Height: 5'8"
Weight: 130 lbs
BMR: 1510
TDEE: 2066

Goals

To gain some weight and improve cardio fitness while not giving myself panic/anxiety attacks or being unable to sleep.

I started having panic attacks and severe anxiety about 2 years ago. My pre-panic attack weight was 135-140, so I'd at least like to get back to that. My chest is 33.5 inches, and I'd like that to get bigger. My cardio fitness is laughable.

Also I want to be able to do pistol squats and 1-arm pushups. For no reason other than I think they're cool things to be able to do. Any advice about how to train to achieve this? I do normal pushups and goblet squats.

Limitations

I have exercise induced anxiety. If I lift heavy weights, or workout for more than about 5 minutes at a time, I'll freak out and my heart rate won't get back to normal until the next day. And I won't be able to sleep.

I take Lexapro and occasionally xanax or valerian root. What I've found is that the best I can do at the moment is do 3-4 workouts per day of 5 minutes each, with at least an hour of rest between each. This seems to cause a lot less anxiety symptoms than 1 longer workout per day.

I will not go to a gym. The social anxiety is strong and also lol gyms:


I will not run. I look and feel like a ****** when I run.

I workout at home only. I have a pullup bar over my closet door, I have two dumbbells with 4 5lb and 4 2.5lb plates, and an ab roller thingy.

Food

I eat pretty good, sugar and lack of protein causes anxiety. I eat lots of fish, veggies, liver. The vast majority of my carbs are from rice, fruit, carrots, and plantains. My problem is I find it really hard to eat enough to gain weight. I gained 12 lbs in 2015 and I feel like I ate as much as I possibly could. I srsly looked like Monty Burns a year ago.

I started drinking 50g whey protein almost every day about a month ago, but I feel like all it does is make me full and acts as a replacement for real food. But then if I don't drink the whey, my protein intake will be like 50-70g/day.

Went to sleep at midnight last night, got up at 1:15am with more energy than I had when I went to bed. Listened to a few podcasts, then slept again from about 9 to 11am. Woke up feeling like I got hit by a truck and had no energy and angry at the world for not letting me sleep normally.

Went to my psychiatrist in the afternoon, she upped the Lexapro from 20 to 30mg and suggested melatonin for sleepy time. I went to a drugstore and all the melatonins they had were laced with titanium dioxide. Didn't feel like getting cancer tonight so I'll have to order some online.

Got two double 1/4 pounders for dinner, ditched one of the buns and made a pounder. Nom.

Slept for 9 solid hours last night. Go me. First time I've slept more than 3 hours in a few days. I actually have some energy today.

Did some lower body stuff:

goblet squats 28x3x10
single leg deadlift 28x3x5
single calf raises 28x3x15

Dunno what else to do for legs.

Did a 5 minute cardio session of 20 burpees and 40 side lunges. Was totally winded. lol

I'm goona start doing POICAD. It's like GOMAD but I don't like drinking milk so this is Pint Of Ice Cream A Day. I'll start today and see how it goes.

Good luck man

Buying a door mounted chin up bar and greasing the groove seems like it could yield pretty positive results, if you're looking for more upper body stuff to do

Crushed it



Today:
2570 calories
119g fat
117g protein
250g carb

I'd definitely echo this; pushups, dips, and pullups will take you way further than you probably think.


Your situation sounds really unpleasant and I hope things turn out well for you, bro. Good luck!

Thanks for the encouragement bros.

Today was ab day.

lying leg raises 12x3
side crunches 20x3
ab rolls 8x3
hanging knee raises 15x3
knee hugs 15x1, 12x1, 10x1

The hanging knee raises are like killing two birds with one stone since my pullup bar is only about 4-5 inches above my head I have to do an isometric pullup to get full range of motion.

No cardio sesh, but I did walk about 4 miles at a good pace.

Ate good today. Sardines and creamed spinach for breakfast, Protein shake and an Epic turkey bar for lunch, tuna salad with pork liver pate and plantain chips for dinner. Pint of the day: Haagen Dazs strawberry.

calories 3414
fat 208
protein 137.5
carb 246

Last night I took 3mg melatonin. After about an hour I felt like I'd been drugged. I slept ok, will try it again tonight.

Anyone know some good ways to strengthen my lower back, other than the 1-leg DB DLs? I don't think I can do good mornings with DBs.

Weighed in at 131.4 lbs today. Maintaining caloric surplus is easier than i thought. My chest/arms/abs look a teensy bit bigger imo.

Bad news is I haven't slept more than 3 hours the last 2 nights. The melatonin helps a little but not enough to put me down. I woke up today feeling totally wired and anxious. I'm sitting in my room doing nothing right now and my heart rate is 105. I just took a xanax.

Yesterday did upper body, but had to stop during the 2nd session cuz I was starting to feel like I was about to have a heart attack.

chin up 5x2
bentover db row 28x12x2
pushup 20x1, 18x1
lateral raise 18x12x2
db press 28x8x1, 23x15x1
curl 23x10x1, 23x11x1
pullup 3x1
tricep extension 23x12x1

Food:
2555 cals
130 fat
90 protein
259 carb
Pint Of The Day: Talenti mint chocolate chip gelato

Today I need a day off.

I'll try to post some noodz soon for reference.

1/11/16

Day off, ate 2314 cals.

1/12/16

goblet squat 28x16x2, 28x18x1
1-leg DL 28x6x1, 28x8x2
1-leg calf raise 28x15x3
glute bridge 28x25x3

2924 cals
167 fat
155 protein
208 carb

Had some off brand peach ice cream that was nasty. But I'm dedicated to getting fat so I downed it anyway. It's a tough job but someone's gotta do it.

I'm averaging 2755 calories the last 5 days. It's amazing how much one can eat when one actually uses one's muscles during the day! Before this I was eating about 1500 cals per day (mostly crappy carbs) and felt like that was fine. I think the chronic stress response of undercalorificationing contributed to my anxiety.

I've been taking 1g l-tryosine every morning for a boost of energy. It's almost like caffeine but doesn't make me shaky and panicky and dehydrated like caffeine does. It's pretty cool what some amino acids can do when taken individually.

Weighed in at 132.8 lbs today. Progress is being made.

Pics:

1/13/16

Abz day.

lying leg raises 14x3
side crunch 22x3
ab rolls 10x3
hanging knee raise 16x3
knee hugs 12x2, 16x1

Food:
2833 cals
172.5 fat
190 protein
146 carb

bfast: can of salmon, 2oz duck liver pate, saurkraut, cucumber
lunch: protein shake, dried banana
dinner: 2 chicken breasts, 5oz each of carrot/broccoli/spinach, 3T butter

No ice cream today, I think if I'm over 2500 cals without it then I'll skip it.

The standard protein shake I've been drinking is:
50g plain whey
100g heavy cream
300g water
10g sugar
20g vanilla paste
6g prebiotic fiber
5g creatine

1/14/16

Got a sudden shooting pain all over my back while doing lateral raises. I could barely stand up for the rest of the day.

1/15/16

Able to stand and walk around without pain. Did a few pullups but I feel like any kind of stress on my back could reinjure it. Wil need at least 1 more day off.

Keep going big man

Great job so far OP.

Regarding the anxiety, you have to stop with the avoidance behaviors if you ever want to get better. That, combined with secluding yourself from the world, is what's causing your symptoms, especially the lack of sleep. You will be fighting like you have been for the rest of your life until you recognize this and make some changes.

I'm guessing you're lonely, and when you're lonely your body actually responds as if your fighting for survival in the wilderness by yourself. You will be better at recovering from cutting your skin for example, but much more susceptible to the common cold. You have to go outside and face your fears.

Thanks, but do you have any idea how hard that is? I can barely form a complete sentence when the cashier at Whole Foods asks me how I'm going to cook the ham shanks I'm buying.

For more fun stories of my mental issues you can check out my blog in the house of blogs forum!

I did a 5 minute cardio session today, and a few pullups. I'll probably be able to get back on the wagon tomorrow.

Hey. I'd recommend giving running a try. No one cares what you look like, and it's really good for mental health. Lots of endorphins. Clear return on effort in terms of measurable progress.

hey, I am a bit late to this, so not sure this is still a current issue.
My massage therapist suggested to do yoga for my (lower) back. There is a great yt channel called "Yoga with Adriene" ( https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene ), she has some specific videos about healing back pain and strengthening your back like https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeXz8fIZDCE

(also: though I don't have any anxiety issues I totally understand your reluctance to visit a gym)

all the best!

The main problem with running is it's currently 8*F/-13*C outside right now, not to mention all the snow and ice. I don't have a treadmill and don't go to gyms. When spring comes around I'll give running a shot.

Thanks, I've never done yoga but I'll check that out.

1/17/16

Upper body. Lowered the weight for lateral raises to make sure I didn't hurt my back. Increased the weight for curls/triceps.

chinups 5x3
bentover rows 28x14x3
press 28x10x3
curl 28x7x3
tricep extension 28x7x3
lateral raise 13x12x3
pushup 20x2, 25x1
pullup 5x3

Food:
2674 cals
134 fat
139 protein
228 carb

1/18/16

Leg day.

goblet squat 28x20x2, 28x25x1
1-leg deadlift 28x10x3
1-leg calf raise 28x20x3
glute bridge 28x30x3

Food:
2325 cals
130 fat
126 protein
163 carb

Slacked a little on the food today. No excuses, I just didn't feel like eating as much as usual. Will get 3k+ tomorrow one way or another.

pizza for breakfast, pizza for lunch, pizza for dinner

I live in chicago, maybe I'll try the Number1Hater method of eating an entire Giordano's pie.