Me too! I have to say, between the bump to start yoga practice, the increased connection with Dodger, Lapka and you and the positive EV I am seeing in trying out some of the strategies you put in your last post--your fitness blog has increased the value of twoplustwo by miles for me in very tangible way in the last few weeks.

I was putting out and soaking in much more negative than positive for a while here and was considering quitting. I still need to be aware of it and track it, but the balance came hard and fast.

That is brilliant. My log has really helped me, especially recently and I feel like I have turned a corner so to speak. That anyone else has gotten anything from it is a huge bonus!

Same, that's why ftmp I'm (at least currently) only posting in H&F and lurking Politics.

I'll post in our EDF MMA thread, but it's quiet most of the time.

I decided to test my 1RM on barbell incline bench today and set a PR at 225. I am pretty sure I had more room but I wanted to get some actual work in as well, so I am content with the number. I will probably go back to dumbbells next week anyway.

Incline bb
45x25
95x12
105x5
185x3
225x1
185x13
185x9
185x8x2

Flat Dumbbell bench
100sx9
100x8
100x5
75x10x4

Pec deck
135x10
135x9
115x13

Low cable crossover
3 sets various weights

High cable crossover
3 sets various weights

Decline hammer strength seated press
105sx10
115x10
115x8
70x13

Did not do yoga today but may still get it in after the kids are in bed.

So I have been getting symptoms of arthritis over the last 6 months. Strangely, they are precursed with anxiety and depression symptoms at the beginning of the flare-up. It has only been twice so far, but the first time I was getting joint pain I also had a near panic attack for the first time in my life, and the second time I found myself in the deepest (thankfully very short lived at one day) depression I have experienced in over a decade.

I looked it up and it seems they are correlated for a lot of people, but the connection is not clear. Strangely, it makes me feel a lot better to know about it because I will be able to understand what is going on if it hits me out of the blue. I felt/feel mildly depressed yesterday and today, so I am interested to see if there is any joint pain that follows this week.

25 minutes of yoga.

Leg day. My hips felt a bit tight during warm up so I was cautious and did not progress on weight.

Squats
45x15
45x15
65x15
145X10
165x8
165x6x2

Leg press machine (cable)
295x10--four sets

Walking lunges 30lb bells
30lb bells 12 each leg, drop to body weight 8 each leg
bwx10 each leg, pause 6 each leg

45degree extension
bwx10
25lb plate x 10
bwx10

seated donkey calf raise
100 amrap for 5 sets

prone ham curls
50x12
60x12

leg extension
30lbs unilateral alternating 20 each leg, 10 bilateral
50x10 bl

It's amazing how many physical ailments can come about due to depression and anxiety. The mind is a poweful thing and needs to be respected accordingly.

That is true. I think it is interesting that it flows the other direction as well...I have not been diagnosed with arthritis at this point but the symptoms are pretty clear. I was upset when it first hit me for all the obvious reasons...getting old, the suddenness of it, the concern about how bad it could get and how quickly, and what kind of effect it will have on my life. That along with the reminder of it in the form of mild (at this point) pain seems like a pretty good reason to be anxious and depressed.

The second time, however, I noticed that I was feeling very depressed one day out of the blue in the middle of a pretty good stretch of feeling generally good. Hit me like a ton of bricks to the point that I didn't want to go to the gym for the first time in years, literally. Then the next day the joint pain came. The thing is, the joint pain in arthritis is a symptom of the autoimmune disease itself. I feel like the depression very well could also be a physical symptom of the disease. Or maybe the stress of depression triggers the auto-immune response? I don't know, and could not find an answer on it, but I am taking it as a reminder that depression is not just a mental state, it is a chemical imbalance and what we are managing is the symptoms of it.

To that end, my favorite new perspective that I got from your list of management techniques is preparing when you are feeling good. I really like the idea of being mindful of setting myself up, taking care of my future self, when I have the energy. For me, that is less about literal preparation at the moment as I have not had any debilitating episodes for a while (knock on wood), but being mindful to be productive when I have the wind at my back.

As an example, there are things I have been procrastinating on for a long time that when I start to get down I beat myself up for. I'm paying lip service to this presently, but I want to knock those things off my list when I have the energy so that I will not have the ammo to use them to browbeat myself with negativity during the dips.

Now I have said it. If I don't take action on this this week I will make a list here to keep myself accountable. I think it is mental fitness, and frankly, I need more motivation with that than the gym stuff.

What was the gap in time between the two incidents of depression?

If it wasn't too great, is it possible that the gears of dealing with your own mortality have been turning in the back of your mind?

Seems like everything after is you addressing the reality of the situation. Just might be helpful to think of it in those terms, if you weren't before. I don't mean to project here, just reads that way to me.

My own mortality 100% played a role the first time. It was a relatively stressful period for me on a few levels with work, family stuff and TBH no small part to do with politics in the US which has been a fairly steady weight on my mental for a while. The anxiety attack peaked literally on mortality with me considering what it would mean to my wife and kids if I were to die and the realization that previously perceived relief of escaping no longer applies to that thought. That was the horror of that moment, I suppose. I have not been particularly afraid of death for myself in a chronic way until I began to think about what that would mean for my wife and kids and negative narratives about what the future would hold for them without my energy to protect them. (I know that those thoughts are not 100% accurate)

I got over that though. The joint pain is really very manageable so far. It has not interfered with my lifting or my life yet. Also, although it came on suddenly it has actually not gotten worse yet either, which was the big fear I had. Like, hello, you are partially disabled, kid--starting....now.

The last incident which was a few weeks ago was much more physical depression than anxiety. I was not having negative thoughts, just zero motivation, energy, ability or desire to engage with anyone, or really agency in simple things. Zero purpose. I just felt like I needed to retreat entirely. It only lasted one day, thankfully, but it was severe enough I had to ask my wife not to go out and leave me with the kids because I didn't feel up to the ordinary task of feeding them and putting them to bed.

Anyway, I am putting this out there mostly because I feel like it is tough for everyone to be open about this stuff and I want to support it. I am not suffering much at all, just dealing with it and currently not in a bad space at all relatively. I guess I hope to add the perspective that judgment we (or others) give ourselves in dealing with these symptoms--even the ones that seem mental--make no more sense than judging ourselves for something like joint pain.

20 minute yoga. Tried Yoga by Candace today and liked her pace. I'm seeing flexibility gains now.

Giving the weights a rest day today.

I think the preparing and getting stuff done, particularly the harder things or just things you have procrastinated doing, is probably the most practical tool I use. Even just basic crap like keeping up with the house, garden and laundry etc means if you have a bad day/s it's not like you look around and think what a pos you are for letting things get this bad or feel bad that your partner is doing more. Work wise is exactly the same, if you're up to date with everything especially ****e like emails etc which can be overwhelming if allowed to build up, you can get through the bad days easier.

Are you getting some of the stuff finished that you mentioned?

I have been productive with minor repairs around the house and some other to-dos, but I need to ramp it up. I am going to commit to a big one right here and now. My wife and I have been putting off doing our wills for over 6 years, and I just bought a kit from Groupon. We will get to it this weekend.

We did a diy will but I've decided we should go get an updated one done by a solicitor, just for peace of mind. I could possibly be over cautious in regards to this though.

Got a PR on overhead press today that I am actually kind of proud of. I felt strong when I did 135, so I decided to jump right to 160 which is what I weighed in at today and got it. I almost thought I was going to get a second but it was clear it was not going to go up. The single went up smooth and easy and strict, though.

OHP
45x20
65x15
85x10
115x5
135x1
160x1
135x7
115x8
115x8 drop 45xamrap

close-grip dumbbell bench
incline
70x7
60x8
60x8
flat
60x10
60x10

dumbbell skull crusher
flat
27.5x7
22.5x8
incline
22.5x7
22.5x7x4

Hoist dip machine
set at 15x12
17x8
17x6

reverse cable fly-various weights and reps
4 sets

lateral cable fly, two sets in front and two behind the back

Tricep superset reverse grip pull down/overhead extension
4 sets

Prison push-ups with a 12lb medicine ball to front raise
pyramid to 10 reps

I may do likewise. We have a relatively simple situation, though, really.

Did you end up getting the dexa scan?

Did 20 minutes of yoga yesterday.

Starting my will now.

BW press is legit

Tyty.

Will and living will complete, guardians chosen for the kids. I called my sister just to let her know I was putting it in writing today and recheck that she would be cool with it, and instead of getting upset about the idea of my wife and I dying, or being touched that we trust her with our kiddies, she started getting excited imagining how much fun they will have together....I guess it's a sign we made a good choice and they will be okay.

Went and did back and biceps this afternoon with the wife. The gym was soooo empty and nice, but I was weaker than usual. I drank a few beers last night and stayed out late for our monthly poker league tourney. My wife cashed again and I had to wait for her because I busted out earlier so I sat and drank and snacked for about an hour. I have to assume that, and some fitful sleep caused the sub-par performance today, but I still got it in the books. I'd rate it a 7.

wide grip Pull-ups--Bodyweight and band assist (short rest)
bwx10
bwx8, band assistx8
bwx5, bax5
bwx5, bax5

Seated row
285 static hold for 20s, 190x6
270sh 20s, 170x7
190x7, 170x4
170x8, 155x6

Straight arm lat pulldown
12x8
11x10
10x8
10x8

Hammer strength high chest supported row
90sx8
80sx10
80sx8

Hammer strength low chest supported row
80x6
70x8
70x8

Straight bar curl with bands and fat grip drop set
50x8x4xamrap
50x6x4xamrap
40x7x4xamrap
40x5x4xamrap

incline/spider curl super sets w/fat grips
20lb dumbbells and 15lbs various reps

standing hammer curls
15lbs with fat grips 3 sets amrap
run the rack 25, 22.5, 20, 15, 10

Seated calf raise
90lbsx12
115x10
115x12

20 minutes in the steam room.

May do some yoga tonight when the kids are down with the wife and sister in law.

In b4 sis takes Johnny and his wife out. Seriously though good job getting that done. One less thing to worry about. I just did pilates and kettlebells and also felt really weak doing the weights. Seemed weird when yesterday I was doing the same stuff and felt strong.

Haha. We are going to visit her this summer and she asked if we have any allergies. I told her I’m not going on any hikes with her near the cliffs at dusk.

Yeah some days are like that. Still, even a mediocre day is better than skipping it.

Too true. I'm allowing myself just to be pleased I am exercising rather than beating myself up over the minutiae.

20 minutes of yoga.

Regardless of whether it is real exercise or not to some, **** is helping me out a lot. I am continuing to increase mobility everywhere which is obviously great, but it also gets me moving with some active recovery. I work from home exclusively now, and because of that I no longer take brief daily walks with my coworkers so every little bit I can get is a plus. It also helps my mental state and just feels good. I may even try some of the guided meditation that I’ve seen linked.

How dare you do something that makes you feel good!