Thurs 9/24 food:
+ a 6" tuna sub I didn't get a pic of

For yours and loco’s sake i hope it didnt have mayo

I hope that was mayo.

Thurs 9/24 log:

Fri 9/25:
I had a lean Shake, 4-corn+beef tacos, and this this "Lobster" ravioli dish....and a double shot crown and diet coke.

Had lunch with my friend again at the Italian place, her dad is connected to a very lucrative engineering position and she has passed my info to him. I'm not qualified for it at all though and would have to learn a lot.

I won't be able to eat bread, pasta, pizza, or beef for a year. Maybe it will help to break my addiction to them and fast food, but right now I'm just thinking about how long it will be and I'm really wanting to shove as much junk in my mouth as possible.

Staying strong, eating salmon now and I will only have a slice of pizza tonight.

It won't. (You know this)
Shocking.
And around we go.

So rather than not wanting to do the surgery for a sane reason, it’s over fear of being hungry?

I promise what you’re feeling is not really hunger. I hope this causes a little self reflection and you get your ass into therapy - there’s some deep issues with you and food, if it wasn’t completely obvious yet.

How long did this last?

Sat 9/26 log:

That's a BIG slice.

I thought you were supposed to quit drinking coffee a week ago? Don't you also have to give up smoking?

What are the odds of MLYLT going through with surgery at this point?

I'm thinking no better than 10%.

There will be some shocking, last minute drama that will woefully prevent her from doing so. And if only she could have gotten the surgery, all this would be solved! Baaaaaah!

Smoking, absolutely. There are increased risk of blood clots.

Coffee, just in enough time to not be miserable after surgery with withdrawals/headaches. It's not actually posing a health risk. I've got decaf coffee and will be switching to that in the next few days....11days out now.

Sun 9/27 Log:

MLY,

Missed this one.

Mon 9/28 log:

I had this burger+fries and my salmon dinner.

I was feeling really great yesterday and today I'm feeling irritated.

The jobs are drying up and now companies are asking for ****ing video submissions to gauge verbal communication skills. There are so many candidates now they can't be bothered to pick up a phone and have an actual conversation or set up a virtual meeting. ****ing audition videos for Engineering positions like we are trying to be news broadcasters.


It's so frustrating. I'm budgeting for my surgery and I will have to be working at a gas station or some other minimum wage place by February if I dont find a job by then. The other catch is no one will hire you for low paying jobs if you have a degree because they know you will leave.

By December I'll have to start my backup plan of getting certified to be a teacher or start start selling everything I own and applying for disability. With my current life style/budget I can live off of $37,500/yr so teaching would be fine but I would much rather do Engineering.

Being out of work is really starting to get to me, I'm no longer able to see it as a nice break to relax and work on my mental health.

Sounds like you should talk to a therapist. Today.

I couldn't get in until Oct. 15th, I'll start therapy then.
I'm also going to try to get on some anxiety's meds and see if that helps.

9/28 exercise:
Walked 1 fast mile, over 10k steps for the day

Swimming 15mins: Avg BPM 127, Max BPM 150

The water is getting too cold and that will probably be the last time I'm in a swim suit until next summer at my new weight after surgery. These are my last fatty swimsuit pics ever at 262lbs.

I should be 100lbs lighter by then. I need to lose about 120lbs total.

#BikiniBod time. Go get it MLY!!!!!!!! Eat those beans, rock that bikini!

Damn right rakem!