Thanks for watching. Please like and subscribe.

Thx syn and bpa. Hope all is well bpa.

I still have one friend.

just splilled quite a bit of the above all over my keyboard...

not even mad.



/gone full moby

h8 u, m8.

I am having a hard time letting go today, too.

Dayum, sick brag with that Pappy!

one of the older lifters at my gym put on a gaza song today when they were going after a squat pr and all the youth lifters hated it cuz it wasnt macklemore. reminded me of you.

1/13/2015
bw 232.5
rest day

I think I should probably weigh 220. Thoughts?

elrey, it's a good lifting album. Production is nice. Heavy, giving no ****s for melody. It's rather negative in its world view though.

why are you trying to hurt me?

http://thou.bandcamp.com/track/free-will

1/15/2015

bw 231.5

I lifted, but it was dumb. My right knee hurt the whole time. My back (same injury) hurt after front squats. My right shoulder hurt from pressing. Pushup warmups also irritated my shoulder. idk.

Walking was good. Might just go in to do core/yoga/walking/tris/bis. k.

1/16/2015

bw 232.2

I've gone back to these thinking self vs. observing self exercises that really kind of freak me out in terms of self identity and what defines me individually as a person. I am basically a 14 year old smoking pot. It's ok. I am letting that be.

There's not a need to define everything. I am letting go of what "should" be, a harmful construct. One of my recent goals is to stop using "should" so much, I really use it a lot. I should use it less.



Collider + Abandon Window, next track on the same album are a sick combo. Actually, whole album is GOATish if you're into feels.

Anxiety level is rising recently. Blech. Just normal sads, I don't really feel depressed. Sometimes just normal sads are tough too though. 2nd recent goal is to enjoy good blocks of minutes/hours because other times can really be tough. Hold on for one more day.

don't should all over yourself gentle giant

The kinda place you are at, I think you'll really enjoy these two books..

Julian Jaynes' The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind

And..

Annie Dillard's Pilgrim at Tinker Creek

vocals ruin it

Right up my alley! Ordered

I do not have any home. So why should I be homesick? Carson McCullers seems to have been pretty badly depressed, but I think we can use this statement as inspiration as well.

I feel pretty self-reliant these days. Every man is an island. Or is it, no man is an island? This is a good blog.

Stars is pretty melodramatic so here you go. I'm not sorry, there's nothing to say.

I truly love that song and haven't listened to it in ages. Thanks.

And feel better. Times ahead will be great.

1/20/2015
bw unknown

Life is getting progressively weirder. I may go to walk at the gym today. I have items in my possession that make this possible.

I am feeling fine. Thank you for the positive energy. Some times are already great. Some are born to sweet delight.

1/20/2015
bw still unknown

I drove to the gym and just say in the parking lot and listened to the Mark Maron (WTF) podcast where he interviews Louis C.K. instead. I don't really like that podcast, but I like Louis C.K. and this one seems alright. I am about halfway through.

Since I didn't walk, I just ate less lunch than I would have otherwise.

The image is hotlinked, but from the name I am going to surmise you think 220 is too skinny.

I do look pretty skinny, but it's fine because all of my muscles went away too. There are some muscles that allow me basic body function like standing, peeing, and peeing while standing.

1/21/2015

Day 21

Rest day

I may cancel the rest day and drive to the gym. Rather than just sit in the parking lot, I am thinking of going inside today. We'll see. I also have a cold. I also need to meditate. Maybe I should meditate at lunch instead.

We'll see. Only one thing will happen, and it will be fine. I am going to focus on work and being present for the next one hour. gl me.

1/21/2014
Did some dumb bull**** at the gym.

db clean and press
back ext
walk
core
ETA: PULLUPS 3,3,3,3

1/22/2014
bw 233.3
drinking a fair bit

still alive



ETA: my cervical spine hurts, I am doing everything wrong and my mobility is bad and I stand badly and... everything.