fmp.

blah. Change of plans. I got a call from my doctors yesterday and an appointment I had has been changed to this Tuesday. I'm supposed to be meeting up with my ex in the evening the same day. We're meeting up around 7 or 8 (when I call) and didn't make any plans on what to do.
Really need some tips.. I feel in the dark here. I feel like I should have some type of game plan. Anything I should/shouldn't do? Should I make the plans? Show up and go with the flow?

Thanks.

you're past the point where you can be saved dude. You're clearly in no state to be meeting her in person.

If talking to her online turned in to a 7 hour conversation, I think you're just going to breakdown if you see her in person.

you should have just delayed this meeting and shown a lack of interest but at this point I don't think things are salvageable.

If you can handle it, during the meeting, don't bring up getting back together and if she brings it up just tell her you are uncertain about it and that you are happy in your current single status.

tbh, I really don't feel a breakdown coming on at all or anything of the sort. But it might be good to just put it off to maybe show a bit of disinterest. I get that I've made things into a huge mess and that it will be tough to fix anything. All I can do now is try to take the best course of action from this point forward and if anyone can help me in doing that it would be great.

Just confirming that this is a no brainier. carry on.

This is a very smooth move dude, I do it frequently. I always have the girl meet me at my place and I buzz her up telling her I'm finishing something up. We usually sit around for ~5 min to 10min and this way when I tell her to come back to my place after we go out she's already feeling safe, comfortable, and stuff in my setting. Plus I've lucked out on a few occasions where the girl doesn't even want to leave and get straight to hooking up after some fluff talk.

How exactly does this work?

Like "Hey, let's meet at my place before hand and then we can walk there."

I envision her responding "Why not just meet there?"

Am I just not smooth in my vision?

Seriously?

Hey xxx...meet me at my building and we'll walk/cab/whatever together to the bar/restaurant/etc...
She arrives...hey AJ I'm here. Ok I'm finishing something up (laundry, tv show, whatever), come on up for a second and then we'll go.
Oh hey bla bla bla............................................... .... ok lets go.

That also avoids any issues of either of you being early or late and that awkward waiting around (or being stood up)

I got into a messy situation with a bro over a girl and would love your guys feedback.


Bro and I are living abroad and become good friends. We meet Girl through mutual friend and all hangout somewhat regularly and become friends. Bro moves back to the states 6 months ago to go back to school. I stay abroad. I hang out with girl in friend context throughout this time because of mutual friends. His return to the country is uncertain at best but he maintains contact with girl over chat on a regular basis. Bro and girl have some mental connection as far as I can tell. Bro and girl don't speak the same language but use online translators. Bro tells me he's starting to really like said girl. Bro has not dated or had sex with girl.

Fastforward to recently. Girl and I get drunk beyond repair and hook up one night. I tell bro immediately. I don't have feelings for girl besides friendship. No malicious intent towards bro.

I think I messed up in not respecting his feelings. On one hand I don't think he has any domain over her, but he is a good bro and I don't want to disrespect him. Bro feels like crap. Girl can have sex with as many guys as she wants, but it shouldn't have been me is the message I got.

What do you say EDF?

thanks

sup bro?

You shouldn't have told him anything. Most probably nothing will happen between them anyway.

Not telling is not an option. This is a bro who
- I've been friends with for awhile
- have partied with on the reg
- and have been roommates with for several months

We talk about everything bro. It would be pretty awkward if I continue to let him go on about how he likes this girl. "Oh ya btw bro, I drunkenly hooked up with that girl one night a couple months ago". You get it right.

other serious thoughts please

ok?

Bro, you shouldnt have told the bro anything. What good is going to happen? Keep it to yourself, it wont influence the friendship since nothing between the two is ever going to happen.

And please stop using the word bro. After a while, I thought you actually meant your brother which would have messed up the situation a bit.

Your bro needs to stop being a vagina. He really likes this girl who he cant even communicate with without the help of google translate? Lol

POLL QUESTION (didn't want to make it it's own thread):

In a long term relationship, who says "i love you" first? the guy or the girl (for hetero couples only pls).

Regardless of your answer: are there any societal norms in the US/CAN/EUR that dictate or contribute to your answer?

Interested in this as well. I recently asked a female friend of mine and she said "a man should always say it first.. a man should always take the lead, so he should say it first". Keep in mind this girl is very traditional in her thinking i.e. guy should open doors.

It sucks when you say it first and get the "I'm not ready to say that" thrown back at you, but I tend to agree with her...

Wow really? I thought the answer would be 100% girl. I dont think ive ever heard of the guy saying it first

should i make this a poll question in a new thread? i was thinking OOT but i dont necessarily want an OOT poll lol. it came up during a convo and i heard extremes in the responses from a number of people so thought i'd bring it here.

girl says it first.

Dcifr,

Make an OOT poll thread if you like, might be an interesting discussion.

I've never heard of a guy saying it first.

Malkas,

So did you bang that girl or what?

doesn't seem so bad to me. as long as the girl is the one coming to visit him, and call him, and call to make specific plans he can always say "actually, that day [week] is not good, i'm so busy, sorry, maybe later" and flip this sht on the broad