Why did the lion get lost?
Cause jungle is massive.

Most pedo's have a beard and glasses,
what is it about that look that children find so attractive?

How is knocking up your girlfriend like locking your keys out of your car?
The problem goes away with the aid of a coathangar.

Why did the feminist cross the road?
To suck my d!ck

What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night?

Crib death.

What's the magic of aids?
It turns fruits into vegetables

I said to my girlfriend get me a newspaper, don't be silly she replied you can borrow my ipad. That spider never knew what ****ing hit it.

Clicked that link to watch more from that series on Youtube. Ad for Total Recall played. Amazing.

Yiddish NSFWish

Two blind pilots were greeting passengers at the door with their guide dogs. The passengers where quite worried about blind pilots flying a plane and were staring down the aisle as they settled in their seats. The pilots went into the cockpit and shut the door behind them. The engines started up, and everything seemed to be going as planned, so the passengers went back to their magazines and forgot about the two blind pilots in the cockpit.

As the plane roared down the runway getting closer and closer to the water at the end, the passengers quickly became worried and started to scream and yell out. With that, the plane lifted smoothly off the ground and into the air. The passengers again went back to their magazines and in the cockpit, the pilot says to the co-pilot: "One day they're gonna scream too late, and we're all gonna die!"

hahaha that's ******edly funny

A woman was in a coma being cared for by the Intensive Care nursing staff who noticed a little reaction on the vital -signs monitor as they washed between her legs during a sponge bath.

They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement on the monitor.

As soon as they realised what had happened they went straight to her husband and told him: This may not work, but, maybe some oral sex could bring your wife out of the coma.

The husband remained skeptical, but he finally let himself be convinced.

The nurses took him to his wife’s room and explained that they would leave them alone so they could have more privacy, but would be checking her vitals in the other room for any reaction.

After a few minutes the monitor’s alarm goes off and she flatlines –no pulse, no heartbeat, nothing!

The nurses run into the room desperate to help the woman and see what went wrong, asking the husband, what happened?!?

He replied: I don’t know… I think she choked…

A guy is watching TV,

There’s some creepy organ music in the background.

He yells out "stop! Stop!

Don’t go in that fookin church you fool!”

The wife from the kitchen shouts

"What the hell are you watching"?

He replies "Our wedding video"

welcome :-)

You should make an anti-joke of the day thread

Mine was removed as well. Is this site run by evangelical puritans??

lol

Must be told with an Irish accent.



John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into
one of John's drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".

A Chicken and an Egg are lying in bed together. The chicken's smoking a cigarette, and the Egg goes:

hahaha I can imagine that!

A baby seal walks into a club...

This thread is as fun as clubbing baby seals..