This shouldn't happen anywhere, but of course it's always Florida. A girl I know has a friend that works in a plastic surgeon's office, and regularly steals supplies. One day she and the friend decided to give her baby botox to smooth out all the baby's wrinkles. The father found out. The cops were called. The mother and friend got arrested for child endangerment.

What?

I sure hope that last joke was AI-generated!

I've always hated math. I can tolerate some algebra, maybe a little calculus. But geometry is where I draw the line.

I was fine with maths til we got to imaginary numbers. Then it just got too complex.

There was also topology, that sent me round the bend. And don't get me started on my irrational fear of square roots.

Three logicians enter a bar. The bartender asks " Do you all want a beer?"
The first logician says "I don't know"
The second logician says "I don't know"
The third logician says "Yes"

Did you guys hear about that big fight at the seafood restaurant?

You see the joke's punchline is that the baby didn't look surprised. The fictitious baby didn't look surprised because the mother and friend gave the baby botox. Botox can often make it difficult to express non-verbally or to emote due to the fact that the Botulinum toxin causes muscle paralysis for up to 3 months at the sight of injection. It's sad that this sounds like a plausible story for someone in Florida, though afaik this did not actually happen... yet. Please use botulinum toxin responsibly, and only in the case where the patient/recipient is a consenting adult at least 18 years of age. Botulinum toxin should be strictly administered by a qualified medical professional.

...but the baby wouldn't know what's going on, and therefore couldn't be surprised in the first place!

I saw a baby with progeria once. Old little f****r.

What did the duck say to the clerk after purchasing a tube of chapstick?
Put it on my bill.

That is fantastic

My grandma died a few days ago. My mom wants to have the funeral tomorrow at 7am. I told her "mom, I'm just not a mourning person."

I'm sorry for your loss!

What's the difference between a dirty old bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

I was on vacation in Mexico last week. I went to a magic show. At one point the magician said when he counted to three he'd disappear. So then he started counting "uno, dos..." and then POOF, he disappeared, without a tres.

took me a minute but that's an a+ dad joke

beginning to think before gpt went public it was used by sitcom writers for years

At the coffee shop this morning the barista was wearing a mask. I said "don't you know covid is over, we don't need to wear masks anymore." She said "this isn't a mask, its a coughy filter."

I was sitting next to a woman at a bar and said to her "you're the most average woman here." She said "you're mean." I said "no, you are."

I went to the doctor the other day. When the doc came into the exam room he said "Hi, how are you?" I said "fine." He said "then get the hell out."