Open Side Menu Go to the Top
Register
Joke of the day Joke of the day

07-30-2017 , 08:49 PM
That's gotta win the thread if I have any say in the matter. Well played.
Joke of the day Quote
07-30-2017 , 08:51 PM
bagel
Joke of the day Quote
08-17-2017 , 01:25 PM
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was
looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not
far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror .

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside
down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a
chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favourite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, you f@*#*! moron!!!'
Joke of the day Quote
08-20-2017 , 03:18 AM
Why would she react so harshly at the end? She still had a great day!
Joke of the day Quote
10-01-2017 , 08:42 PM
NSFW

Spoiler:
One day a man and his wife were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the wife parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. She started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said to him "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if you permit" The husband being very worried agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina. The husband nodded and gave his approval. The wife said "Yes, yes, whatever, just get on with it." So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the wife's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper." So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the wife very hard indeed. The lady began to quiver with excitement. She began to moan and groan aloud. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself, he then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises. The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted, "Now wait a minute! What the hell do you think you're doing?" The doctor, still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the bastard!"
Joke of the day Quote
11-17-2017 , 01:48 PM
A roofer comes into a bar and orders a beer. As he wants to pay the barkeeper refuses and says: "On the house!"
Joke of the day Quote
11-17-2017 , 05:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buzz
A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"

She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."

"If you don't mind my asking," he said, "what do you use it for?"

"We use it for sex," she said.

The researcher was a little taken aback. "Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it for sex?"

The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out."
Joke of the day Quote
04-12-2018 , 04:16 PM
Why do hospitals have air conditioning?

Spoiler:
to keep the vegetables fresh!


Last week I bought a pair of shoes from my drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping ever since!
Joke of the day Quote
04-12-2018 , 06:52 PM
Dark but good.
Joke of the day Quote
04-12-2018 , 11:36 PM
What happened to the illegally parked frog?

It got toad
Joke of the day Quote
04-13-2018 , 09:15 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by krunic
Why do hospitals have air conditioning?

Spoiler:
to keep the vegetables fresh!


Last week I bought a pair of shoes from my drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping ever since!
excellent
Joke of the day Quote
06-09-2018 , 03:22 AM
I went to the doctors today and he told me I need to stop masturbating

Confused about this I asked him " why ?"

To which he replied " because I'm trying to examine you"
Joke of the day Quote
06-09-2018 , 03:42 AM
I lol'd
Joke of the day Quote
06-09-2018 , 09:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by krunic
Why do hospitals have air conditioning?

Spoiler:
to keep the vegetables fresh!


Last week I bought a pair of shoes from my drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping ever since!
I Shouldn't laugh. But I did
Joke of the day Quote
06-09-2018 , 10:29 AM
Joke of the day Quote
07-24-2018 , 03:42 PM
A man buys a pet parrot and brings him home.
But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really nasty, so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson.
He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet.
The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him and says, "I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness."
The man says, "Well, thank you. I forgive you."
The parrot then says, "If you don't mind my asking, what did the chicken do?"
Joke of the day Quote
08-08-2018 , 09:32 PM
Why did Sweden put bar codes on the sides of its warships?

Spoiler:
So when they return to port they can Scandinavian
Joke of the day Quote
08-21-2018 , 04:49 PM
What was the name of Tolkien's son?

Spoiler:
JRR Jr
Joke of the day Quote
09-13-2018 , 09:14 PM
True story:

I had a dream that I was playing poker with Phil Ivey and Patrik Antonius. Ivey was goofing around and then I said that he looks like Obama. Ivey got offended and quit playing. I don't blame him cos that was kind of a racist comment cos he looks nothing like Obama other than they're both black.
Joke of the day Quote
09-29-2018 , 05:10 PM
This was sent to me and was “clean” enough to share.

“FIRST TIME”

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never made love before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about 30 minutes. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, or 10-pack. The boy insists on the 10-pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the young man.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.'

The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.”
Joke of the day Quote
10-10-2018 , 12:24 AM
A cop came to my house and asked me where was I between 5 and 6.

He seemed irritated when I said "kindergarten"
Joke of the day Quote
10-10-2018 , 01:48 PM


. . .
Joke of the day Quote
10-30-2018 , 06:15 AM
Joke of the day Quote
10-30-2018 , 04:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ColdEye
Can't remember the last time a joke from this thread made me laugh as hard as this one made me. A*, mate.
Joke of the day Quote
01-03-2019 , 12:46 AM
Did you hear about the black serial killer who bored his victims to death by asking them annoying questions until they died?

Spoiler:
they call him the aks murderer
Joke of the day Quote

      
m