You don't see the humor in that one? How about this one:

The Picnic
A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.
"This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?"

The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, "At your wedding."

Congratulations! How do you leave your toilet seat?

Buzz

A priest and a rabbi are driving opposite directions on a highway when they get into a head-on collision. Both men survive without a scratch. Amazed the rabbi says, "it is a blessing that god let us, two men of differing faiths, survive this horrendous accident! We should celebrate our faith and good fortune!" The rabbi goes to the trunk of his car and takes out a bottle of manischewitz and pours 2 large glasses. He hands a glass to the priest and toasts to their health. They touch glasses and the priest downs his wine, only to notice the rabbi still holding a full glass. The priest asks, "What are you waiting for?" to which the rabbi replies, "The police."

Good one. Thanks for the laugh! Here's one for you:

A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.

As the doctor was looking through these his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?" "Yes, they help me sleep at night."

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that could possibly help you sleep!" She reached out and patted the young doctor's knee and said, "Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16-year-old Granddaughter drinks. And believe me it definitely helps me sleep at night."

When it happens just PM me the post Id and Ill print it out and mail it to you

Husband to wife – Today is a fine day. Next day he says : Today is a fine day. Again next day, he says same thing – Today is a fine day. Finally after a week, the wife can’t take it and asks her husband – since last week, you have been saying “Today is a fine day’. I am fed up. What’s the matter?
Husband : Last week when we had an argument, you said, “I will leave you one fine day.” I was just trying to remind you……"

Two guys are sitting in a sportsbook.

1st guy: Man, this has been the worst week of my life! I bet 5 college football games and lost them all. I bet 6 pro football games and lost them all. I bet 7 college basketball games and lost them all. I bet 8 pro basketball games and lost them all. I bet 10 soccer games and lost them all. I bet 12 tennis matches and lost them all.

2nd guy: Well, there's a hockey game about to start.

1st guy: Hockey? I don't know anything about hockey!

A Kiwi and an Aussie went fishing one afternoon and decided to have a couple of cold beers. After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, "If I was to sneak over to your house and made wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?" The Kiwi after a great deal of thought, says, "Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."

The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She
sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink..

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'

She answered

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are stranded in the desert. Walking along, they stumble upon what appears to be a pub.
Unable to decide if it is a mirage or not, they decide the only way to find out if it is a mirage is to get a pint from it.

So the Englishman walks in and asks the girl behind the bar for a pint. The girl at the bar enquires if he can pay for it, but the Englishman has no money on him. So the bar girl makes him a proposition, scrape the scabs off her pussy and he can have the pint for free. The Englishman baulks at the idea and leaves.

Then the Irishman then walks in, and equally bereft of money tries the old Irish charm to no avail, so the bar girl offers him the same scab-scraping-for-a-pint offer, is tempted, but ultimately also baulks at it.

So in walks the Scotsman and tries to impress the bar girl with tall tales of daring-do and heroics, gets rejected but again receives the same offer as the Englishman and Irishman. After a brief pause, he enthusiastically agrees, scrapes the scabs off the girls pussy, puts them in a discarded crisp packet and throws it out the window.

He then receives his promised pint and goes outside and brags to the other two, to which the Englishman replies "so what, we've got a pack of cheese and onion some pillock just through out"

Two Tennessee rednecks are out hunting, and as they walked along they came upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and were amazed at the size of it.



The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is?"


The second hunter says," I don't know. Let's throw somethin' down there, listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."

The first hunter says, "Hey, there's an old automobile transmission over there. Give me a hand, we'll throw it in and see."

So they picked it up and carried it over and count one, two, three and heaved it in the hole. They are standing there listening, looking over the edge, when they hear a rustling behind them. As they turn around, they see a goat come crashing through the underbrush, run up to the hole and, without hesitation, jump in headfirst.

While they are standing there staring at each other in amazement, peering into the hole, trying to figure out what it was all about, an old farmer saunters up. "Say there," says the farmer, "You fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you ?"

The first hunter says, "Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' bout a hunnert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this here hole!"

The old farmer said, "Naw, that's impossible. I had him chained to a transmission."

Father rocked Teacher Shocked

A wife and husband were supposed to meet outside at 2PM on a cold winter day. Husband arrived at 2PM, but the wife was nowhere to be seen. At 5PM a truck driver drove by and asked the husband, "Are you alright?"



Husband answered, "Yeah, except I'm freezing my ****ing balls off!"

I don't get it

If you're referring to my joke, there's not much to get. I guess the joke kinda is that the person would be so frozen that his balls would somehow come off. Also cos he's swearing, that makes it kinda funny.

And that crappy comedian had a similar punchline in one year of WSOP Main Event. The setup was very long though and I don't think I got that joke.

I guess my joke was kind of an anti-joke, but hey, at least I didn't make the setup super long like it is in many anti-jokes.

A horse walks into a bar. The bar keeper says "Hey, why the long face?" The horse replies sadly: "My alcoholism is destroying my family."

Dude is enjoying not being around his wife, except that it's cold out.

Oh right, I didn't think of that. Must've thought about it subconsciously.

Pony walks into a bar and says, could you get me a glass of water, I'm a little hoarse

This is a genuinely funny joke I heard:

Phil and Bert were on the top floor of a tall skyscraper. Phil says to Bert, "Wow, people look like ants from up here." Bert answers, "That's because those are ants. You're looking at the floor of the balcony."

Wow, you really just do not understand jokes or humour, or even swearing.
I've heard it before, but I still love this joke. Always makes me laugh.

I'm pretty sure raheem is a robot who recently discovered the human concept of humor and is trying to figure it out.

Put this one down as a 0.

Next joke might be a 1.

Robot humor for ya:

There's 10 types of people in the world,