What did one tampon say to the other tampon?

An Australian stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Madrid.
While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.
He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'
The waiter replied, 'Si Senor, you have excellent taste. Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy.'
The Australian said, 'I will have the same please.'
The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry señor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save You this delicacy.'
The following day he returned, placed his order and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.
After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.'
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Señor. Sometimes the bull wins."

^ legit lol

Dad Jokes

http://imgur.com/a/uNacI

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

With a very seductive voice a wife asked her husband, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"

“No” said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top three buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down in her cleavage, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.

He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her, and smiled approvingly.

She then asked, "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?"

“No I haven't," he said with an anxious tone in his voice.

She gave him another sexy little smile, unzipped her skirt, letting It drop to the floor and seductively reached into her panties and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.

He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill and smiled.

"Now," she said, "Have you ever seen 50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?"

"No way!" he said, even more curious to what would happen next.


She replied: "Go look in the garage."

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

”Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannonball, but I'm fine now".

"Ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them crapped in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender, "You couldn't lose an eye just
from some bird crap."

"Yeah, but It was my first day with the hook."

Why do cows have hooves?

Because they lactose

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number… and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....

'Go get your Mother'

Haha, nice

:thumbup: It has my approval. Very nice