wp sir

Brain fade. A sophisticated way to say brain fart.

You'll haf to watch to get its.

The following is a funny anecdote, and even though this is a joke thread, I think there should be room for funny anecdotes as well.

Anecdote:

I used to not know what DUCY means, and I always felt left out when people used it.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ducy

It always bothered me a little that the pronunciation of "Dee" was not the word it stood for, as it is for the rest of the letters :-/

I used to think that Marlon Brando and Orson Wells are the same person.

I always just pronounce it "do you see why"... no? Are you telling me you look at that and see "dee you see why?"

it's always "Do you see why" in my head, but my problem with is, and it's not really a "problem",

D = Dee = Do <---not the same

U = You = You <---same

C = See = See <---same

Y = Why = Why <---same


That's all I'm saying. I'm not even saying it's dumb. Just the logical/OCD part of my brain twitches a little when I see it.

= Do
U = You = You <---same

C = See = See <---same

Y = Why = Why <---same


Happy?

Perpetually no, but solid A for effort

Russian computer: "Enter password"
Me: "Beef stew"
Russian computer: "Password not stroganoff"

Pretty bad

Lol, so bad it's good.

In Soviet Russia password cracks you.

A young boy is out fishing with his Grandpa one day and they’re not getting many bites.

Grandpa pulls out his pack of Brown Mule chewing tobacco and puts a big dollop in his mouth and immediately catches a nice fish.

His grandson asks, “Hey Grandpa, can I get some of that chew?”

Grandpa replies, “Well that depends boy. Can you take the head of your dick and touch your a$$hole with it?”

“No Grandpa, I can’t”, replies the boy.

“Well that’s too bad”, Grandpa informs him and keeps on fishing.

After a bit the fish get cold again and Grandpa pulls out a cold Budweiser, pops the top, takes a big gulp, and immediately catches another big fish.

Grandson pipes up again, “Hey Grandpa, can I get one of those Budweisers?”

Grandpa again asks his grandson, “Well that depends. Can you take the head of your dick and touch your a$$hole with it?”

Sadly, the boy replies, “No Grandpa, I can’t.”

“Well that’s too bad”, states Grandpa as he keeps on fishing.

After another half hour or so the fish go cold again so the little boy pulls out a cookie from the bag his Grandma gave him.

After eating the cookie, he immediately catches a huge fish and reels it in excitedly.

His Grandpa asks him, “Hey boy, can I get one of those cookies?”

The boy replies, “Well that depends Grandpa. Can you take the head of your dick and touch your a$$hole with it?”

“I sure can”, Grandpa proudly exclaims!

“Well good”, says the boy, “Cuz you can go fugg yourself! Grandma made these cookies special for me!”

If I had to choose between being raped and murdered or being murdered and raped, I would choose being murdered and raped.

Abbreviations never help the flow of a joke.

Not sure that's a joke anyway

Being unfunny never help either.

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas, and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed o
ut the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this ****ing badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear?.... do you understand?!!"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge, show him your F***ing BADGE!!"

^ why does the DEA agent not just shoot the bull?

... when I noticed we were alone in the room, I turned to her and said, "I've seen a lot of movies that started out like this."

"Well," I added, "maybe just a handful."